My 2 older kids have been arseholes (for want of better word) this year. I am at my wits end with them lying to me and constant fighting with each other.
Has anyone done potatoes/coal from Santa and regretted it? They will still get something from Santa but I just want them to understand their behavior has consequences. They have had punishments during the year so this isnt just a one off thing.
Also my mum is having the kids Christmas night/boxing day as I have to work, so now I'm questioning if I'm just leaving them with the fallout.
I have been told by councillors that I need to find the kids "currency" to find what has an effect if they get it taken off them but so far I have found nothing.
Santa bringing potatoes to naughty kids
Santa bringing potatoes to naughty kids
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
28 Replies
Honestly, I really don't like using Santa as a parenting tool.
1. You're giving Santa your power. You want them to respect your authority all year round, not behave because some imaginary guy won't give them presents if they don't.
2. Consequences for behaviour is only effective if it happens immediately. Giving them some potatoes for something they did, days, weeks or months ago is just going to confuse them.
This, consequences for behaviour has got to be pretty immediate. And it’s not going to change there behaviour year round.
If they are older kids, they will just think mum really doesn’t ‘get it’.
Exactly, they're not going to stop and think in March "Santa gave me a potato last Christmas so I better not hit my brother unless I want another potato this year". They just don't have the ability to think long term like that.
Just to add to the consequences part, consequences for actions need to be relevant to the behaviour as well as relatively immediate. I can't see what a child would learn from a potato - that kind of symbolism is lost on kids.
How old are the kids if they still believe in Santa? Are they still learning to regulate emotions etc? Tell a kid they're naughty enough times and they'll stop trying and just be naughty.
Not true,
I tell my daughter she’s being naughty and that her actions are not on. She’s 6. She tries super hard to be good. But uses all her good at school and comes home worn out and snappy (especially being the end of the year) telling a kid they’re naughty doesn’t make them stay naughty and they don’t stop them trying to be good. Telling them they’re naughty puts a word to their actions and then you talk about how you can change it. Or what would have been more appropriate.,
There is a difference between saying a behaviour is naughty and saying a child is. If the person you loved and respected frequently told you that you are worthless or said it once but in a way that it deeply affected you, it would be hard not to start thinking of yourself that way. Child psychology strongly shows that this concept is really prevalent in children. An immediate consequence to a behaviour is effective. Making a statement that, based on that child all year around, Santa put them on the naughty list is making a statement about them as people, not a poor decision at a point in time. Regardless of whether the child believes in Santa or knows it's mum and dad, that situation would affect a child's self worth, not motivate them to handle the next situation more effectively.
Setting a kid up as a bad kid does let everyone including them expect they'll be the bad kid. They don't seem to care when they get in trouble and don't respond initially to praise as others do as they don't expect it to last, so don't expect a positive connection. So yeah, the words you use to describe your kids and the overall vibe of what you think of them or their daily experience shapes them, it becomes their self view and internal dialogue too.
I agree, there’s really no need to call your kid naughty.
You don’t address the person, you address the behaviour.
You’re naughty is so blanket and doesn’t need to be added into the end of a dressing down.
Examples: when you don’t do as you are asked, it’s disrespectful, do what I say, when I say it.
Clean your room, it is deplorable, respect your belongings, appreciate what you have.
Why add you’re a naughty girl?
Yes we did for my husband’s son one year. Kept the presents they replaced until his birthday.
I bet your kids are perfect though.
Never said I had kids then
Did he have to sit there and watch everyone else get presents?
Yes he watched his father and I give each other gifts
What a caring step mother you are...he’s so lucky to have you.....I’m sure his bio mum is so grateful to have you in his life to teach him such life lessons...
I agree, look for more immediate parenting methods. Do as the counsellor said and find their currency. Sometimes I just use the currency of their time - when they do the wronf thing they are called over to speak to me where I go over it slowly and eventually tell them if I hear it's happened again they'll sit out, missing out or being pulled out is their currency.
Working with children, finding the right way to deal with them ahead of, and at the time is the most important.
Christmas is about family, joy and magic, it’s the one time of the year you get to believe in something amazing.
Discipline at other times, leave Christmas alone.
If you have to rely upon a made up man to get your kids to behave, I think you need to look at other methods.
Good luck, I think all our kids are a bit of an arsehole at the moment, we’re all tired, it’s the end of the year, use Christmas to reconnect.
Perfectly said ❤️
If a kid can't seek redemption, forgiveness, love and acceptance from their family at Christmas time, when can they?
It's the positive connection that will bring them through. Unfortunately it's really hard when they seem to be just shits all the time, but you have to dig deep and find it, create it, ignore lots and make a deal out of every single good thing. Doesn't mean spoilt with presents, but spoilt with love, yes.
Yep we give potatoes. It’s hilarious when the kids open them up!😂 the kids gave immediate consequences to their actions but this is just another tool to use. We started this from the age of about 3 for my eldest and haven’t had a temper tantrum etc yet. We also do star charts and the other parenting stuff too, this is just another area that we have found useful in teaching our kids consequences.
Each child and parent is different so what works for us or other people may not work for you so just give it a go if you think it will be successful!
I should add that we swapped out presents so if they were getting like 6 presents each from Santa they might only get 4 or 5 presents and a potato or two!
Not every piece of bad behaviour in life has immediate consequences and sometimes long term consequences for prolonged misbehaviour are a reflection of what’s going to happen as an adult.
I’m not talking about under 5’s but it certainly doesn’t hurt for preteens upwards to be warned about the long term consequences of poor choices and to follow through with those.
That's a fair point, the older we get often the longer it takes for our behaviour to catch up with us - that's what gives many people (particularly young people) a sense of invincibility. So I agree, teaching kids about long term consequences and even natural consequences definitely has it's place on the disciplinary scale. However, I don't feel like any of these lessons are best coming from Santa.
Preteens upwards don’t believe in santa
Generally no, but the OPs kids obviously still do for the question to be posed that way, so I'm not sure where the relevance is...
It's a bit like a hidden speed camera, it doesn't actually stop you doing the wrong thing and when you get the fine in the mail you have to squint to see if it's actually you and then try and remember what you were doing that day.
Give the presents but take them away when they are bad. I think that has a better affect.
I don't think teasing them with potatoes is a good idea at all. In fact it's downright horrible. If they've been naughty thru the year, deal with it at the time not months and months later by tricking them with coal and spuds as delayed punishment. I could never ever do this to my kids as 'payback'. Terrible idea.
Agreed. The comment about it being funny watching their kids get a bit potato instead of a present is hopefully just a troll because otherwise it's narcissistic and makes me concerned for the children's wellbeing
I've seen/known people who have wrapped up mundane items like a jar of peanut butter alongside their actual gifts as a prank, kids thought it was hilarious, mum and dad thought it was hilarious. So in their defense, it may well be a light-hearted exchange!
When it's done intentionally to punish, teach a lesson or ultimately shame a child on Christmas morning, it does take on a narcissistic and cruel element (particularly if you get a sick kind of enjoyment out of upsetting your kids.) Not to mention, it's lazy parenting above all. It just says to me you can't be bothered properly disciplining or teaching your kids acceptable behaviour so you let Santa play bad cop.
I have no issue with that. Tge comment above said that it replaced one of the presents they were to get and they knew how many presents they would receive.