Gambling husband. Its been a problem for a long time however has recently escalated, borrowed alot of money from people behind my back to the tune of thousands and thousands of dollars, only found out when something felt off and i looked in his bank account that made me the bad guy because i looked through his account, Gut said something was wrong and it was . I got past the betrayal at first as i thought once i knew that would be it but no he believes so long as he tells me his doing it and not hiding it and reduces the amount bet that it should be not a problem. Im talking hundreds of dollars a day. We have a mortgage live week to week have no savings and 3 small children. Have said cold turkey stop or i go and his 100% not stopping , stay or go ??
11 Replies
Unfortunately, he's made his choice. He has chosen his addiction over his family. You can't fix him. It's not your role to fix him. It's his life and he chooses each of his actions. Time to go. It might be what he needs to shock him into making changes, but I doubt it... IMO living with addictions is harder on the family/support than on the addict. Good luck on your journey. Hugs xx
As you said he’s not prepared to fully stop, I think the best decision for you and the children is to leave. It may give him motivation to stop or get help with his gambling addiction.
Biggest lesson in life is not to make threats that you don’t intend to stick to!
The question is do you stay on the sinking ship or bail on a life boat. Easier to paddle to shore than to come up from the bottom. I’d be out.
I was with a gambler. My advice. GO!
I was a child in this environment.
My mum stayed and tolerated it for far too long. There was times we didn't eat because my dad had spent the grocery money on the pokies, we weren't allowed to open the front door or answer the phone in case it was a debt collector (or some thug my dad had not repaid). I can remember quite a few scary people ending up at our door!
Obviously I'm an adult now but I still get a momentary pang of panic if I get an unexpected knock at my door.
Eventually my parents did split but the damage had been done and my mum lost literally everything and was carrying around massive debts, we lived in poverty for years to come.
For yours and your children's sake, you need to leave now before it rips through your life like a hurricane.
It’s time to go, at the very least you need to protect your children from the toxicity, drama, and instability that comes from living in this environment.
Your kids need a stable home environment and it’s only a matter of time before you can’t pay the mortgage and you and the kids are homeless.
It’s time to take protective actions. It’s better to make the choice to move and split finances now and do it in a controlled way than wait until you are forced out.
You have him a choice, he didn’t choose you. Follow through with what you have said and leave
Go. Protect yourself and your kids future. Read the post by the woman living in poverty, this is life when you're in debt you can't get out of. Don't let anybody do that to you.
He has an addiction. If you've said stop or I go and he isn't stopping, I guess you're going!
Go.
My mother is a gambling addict, she has been in unbelievable debt. My stepdad gave her an ultimatum of going to rehab or he was leaving. She went to rehab for 7wks and he paid off her debts. When she came out she went to meetings but eventually she stopped going . When she is stressed , she gambles but my stepdad restricts her access to money so she can't get into too much trouble. Its a lot of work for the addict and if they don't want help, there is nothing you can do but to decide if your going to stay and put up with it