Is money all matters
I earn the big bucks hubby earns minimum wage ...
If I leave we on minimum wage... but I am so stressed, so tired , so over it all , I have been coming home angry and sad
i want to be happy when home ... when with my 2 little girls
I come from long line of independent strong woman how do I stop thinking I need to do it all ..
I can't keep doing it all
6 Replies
You're not doing it all. You're choosing work, while your body and mind are screaming for family, life balance.
The choice is yours. Don't kid yourself that you're not already making a choice though.
Hire a cleaner? Get dinners pre made? Theres home cooking businesses all over the country now where you can buy home cooked meals cheaply and they usually can be frozen. Take the stress of these mundane tasks off your family so you can spend more quality time together without quitting work. Don't be fooled into thinking that long line of strong independent women did it all by themselves because I bet they had a lot of help and support to be who they are, just like men do! Times have changed and women don't get the help they once did. Don't be scared to make life easier for your family if you're both working.
No one can do it all! It is that simple!
As women, I think we often need to remember that precisely no one is expecting us to do it all, that's a pressure we put on ourselves. Then because we become so good at stuffing our feelings away and getting on with shit, people (especially our spouses) forget that we aren't wonder woman!
Even strong, independant women have to delegate and prioritise!
You need to figure out:
What exactly is stressing you out?
What help and support you need from your hubby?
What do you need in order to strike a happy balance?
Why is it big $$$ or minimum wage?
Couldn't you lose your highly paid, high stress job and take a lower paid one so there's still 2 incomes?
Money isn’t all that matters but it’s certainly helpful when raising small children. I have worked for since my kids were super small, they’re still very young- still in preschool and primary school. I had a high stress full tome job and I felt mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and felt like I had no option but to keep going because I needed to bring that income in. I looked around and found a lower stress, more family friendly, better paying job. Now I still earn a great income but I am also able to go to all school events, be home with my kids if they’re sick and drop them to school/preschool and pick them up.
Maybe if you feel like your options only sit at the extreme ends of the scale, you could look at a career change?
I also come to a long line of strong, hardworking women too, and I also struggle to take the easy road but if it affects your mental health you need to do it.
Oh hunni, i know. Last year I earnt double my husband ($35k @ $70) working 40hrs most weeks with 10hrs of commuting too, he works 10mins away as night security.
We see each other some nights for 30mins between me getting hom exhausted and him leaving.
I lost my shit many times. He does school runs, cooks dinner and some dishes. But I was still doing lunches, washing, dishes, dinner 3 nights, swimming lessons...
My kids were 8 & 5 and I sat them all down 1 night and just explained my frustration.
Being away for 11hrs day and then doing housework is not fair. They can all work together and help out. We ALL live here so we ALL help. My hubby forgets a lot so we agreed that I'd leave a list and he won't get shitty.
A lot of my frustration still stems from jealousy of absolutely no me time (work or have kids with me) while he has 5hrs day while kids are at school. It's getting better now my youngest is in prep so my 1 day during the week I dont work I do my own thing.
Maybe hire help, maybe have a family chat and clear up some expectations. Have you seen a psych, your employer might have EAP so its free - that's what I did at first.
Good luck.