Splitting from “dad”

Anonymous

Splitting from “dad”

I am wanting to split with my partner of 3 years and unsure of how to explain to miss 7yo in a way it won’t affect her long term.
Have been living together for just under a year and in that time she has seen him as dad (her real dad has never been in picture and never will be) she can only knows my current partner as “dad” even though he’s only being around as dad for under a year he’s been around before we got together (friends so used to hang out with us as part of regular group). When we moved in together plans were marriage and more kids. Life unfortunately got in the way.

We probably won’t see much of him when we split (he does FIFO and only thing that has stopped him moving away was us. 99% that he will move interstate once we split). So how do I help her transition from having a dad figure to not so to speak..

Edited to add... it wasn’t a I jumped in bed with a guy and she was calling him dad from day 1 🙄. She’s known him for 5 years we’ve been properly together for 3 and she had been calling him dad/face time airport pick ups etc while he was away for a long time before he moved in. We never pushed her to call her dad she did that on her own even with us explaining he was a friend at the beginning of it

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt

4 Replies

Anonymous

Sorry that's not life. Every man you bring in doesn't become her dad within a year, or even 2 or 3, because, as you see now, relationships not working out is adult life.

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Anonymous

You need to change your thought process. Any new boyfriend you may have doesn't and shouldn't immediately become "dad". That's what will have a long term impact!

She's not going from having a dad to not having a dad - you're going from being in a relationship to not being a relationship. You need to find the separation between your love life and her association with what a dad is. Allowing her to feel like a man you've been with for less than a year is her dad, that was a mistake. That's okay, you can learn from it and you can rectify it!

For now you just have to be honest with her. You're separating, he's moving interstate and none of it is her fault!

In future, and I say this with experience, introduce new men as your friend and keep that "friend" status until you know where the relationship is headed. When it starts getting more serious, then it can go to being mum's boyfriend/partner and most importantly, don't move in with any one until you're certain it's going to last the distance. As a child, having many romantic interests of your parents come and go can be really confusing so dati g when you have a child needs to be navigated carefully!

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Anonymous

Why do you want to end things?

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Anonymous

Geez, just end this one before worrying about others, the bed is still warm.
Every man shouldn’t be dad, especially after only living together a year.
What do you mean life got in the way?
Do you love this guy, can you salvage it?
You only moved in together recently, what has changed?

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