Pregnant with #4 and pissed off.

Anonymous

Pregnant with #4 and pissed off.

I was sooo done, hubby is on list for vasectomy kids are 13,12 and 9. I have my independence back. Now I’m bloody pregnant again. I’ll be in my mid 40’s with another teenager in the house just after I’ve hopefully gotten rid of the others. I think I would have gone the abortion road but ended up in hospital for something unrelated and spent a week hearing about what was best for the baby and while hubby would support me no matter what by the time I was out and in a position to take action I knew he was hoping I’d keep it. So here I am 10 weeks along with #4, embarrassed as f$&k, to have anyone know and already busting out of my pants. Not planning on telling anyone at all, only hubby knows - wonder how long I can play the just fat game?
I can’t take contraceptives as they make me suicidal when I’ve got great mental health while off them. Mechanical contraceptives are out for other health reasons. 8 years (early years we were still undecided) of condoms and timing and get knocked up when the vasectomy is booked. I hope that in the future there are so many more options for contraceptives, times like this you really feel the differences between men and being a woman! I hope there are better options for my daughters.

Posted in:  Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing, Pregnancy

16 Replies

Anonymous

There are so many options for contraception. I’m not really sure how you don’t think there is. You seem really really pissed off, but these are the chances we take when having unprotected sex. I hope you come to terms with this pregnancy soon other wise I worry about your mental health. Maybe an abortion isn’t such a bad idea, even if hubby isn’t so sure. If you are this negative now I can’t imagine you are going to be over the moon once it is born (taking away your freedom ect)

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Anonymous

You’re actually wrong. I can’t take the combined pill due to getting migraines with an aura, I have had a mirena and became so unwell the Dr didn’t even want to rebook me to take it out as she wanted it out immediately, it took about 8 months to recover and I get extreme anxiety when taking progesterone only pills/injections/ implant for which I was prescribed diazepam until my Dr eventually said she didn’t want me to continue taking contraceptives. This lady has clearly stated she has a physical deformity which means she cannot use some methods. I’m super healthy, absolutely no health issues, get regular exercise and I cannot take a single chemical contraceptive. Thankfully we knew we were done with babies and had a vasectomy but it’s not always that simple. Please don’t make broad statements like this when you clearly do not have the expertise to do so.

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Anonymous

Condoms, spermicide, nova ring ect. All this women has is bullshit excuses how it’s not her fault

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Anonymous

Babies happen when you have unprotected sex. At nearly 40 you knew the chances of this was pretty high. You can’t be mad that there isn’t enough options for contraception when you chose not to use any at all

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Anonymous

If you really don't want this baby you should abort, bringing a resented child into the world is not doing anyone any favours, especially the child.

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Anonymous

You can still terminate. Don't bring this child in to this world then resent the impact it has on your life! You have choices. Choose.

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Anonymous

Mistakes happen. Of course you know sex can lead to babies but it obviously was a slip up. And that does happen.

Please reconsider your abortion. It's not entirely too late to consider.

If you decide to keep it, please see someone about your mental health (probably good to regardless if you keep or not) and find the mentality to not be mad about this anymore and try and own the decision you make

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Anonymous

Sounds to me like you're mad about contraception - I'm with you on the male v female thing! But I think you've decided to have it and now you're sorting your emotions out, anger, embarrassment, future plans, etc etc etc, and when you do you'll be just fine. You know what's to come, the good, the special and you know nobody cares about the details, how, how old you are, planned, afforded, it is what it is, and as long as you love it and care for it, don't be so hard on yourself.

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Anonymous

I see the contraceptive thing from a different perspective. Women have so many choices for birth control, men have only the options of vasectomy or condoms. Condoms can be dubious at the best of times, not to mention kind of impractical long term. Then vasectomy - which is ideal for a permenant solution but obviously not appropriate if a man does want children at some point.
Most of the time, as a man, birth control is often left entirely in the hands of someone else. I couldn't imagine how that would feel!
My hope is that medical technology advances enough to improve current options and create more options for men and women alike.

To get to the other issue, you seem to be holding a lot of anger and resentment - towards the situation, towards your older children, towards your husband, perhaps even towards yourself!

I would suggest you book an appointment with your local family planning Centre or GP, I believe there's even a pregnancy hotline that has councellors available to chat to people who aren't quite sure how to proceed with an unplanned pregnancy. I think you really need to talk through this with someone impartial and objective to help you figure out what is the best option for YOU!

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Anonymous

This

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Anonymous

OP here, I’m pissed because I’ve accepted that having another child is a huge responsibility and I thought that the bloody hard teenage years were going to be over in a decade lol. I’ve had 3 so I’m under no illusions about what’s to come. I’m also in the limbo stage as I’ve had 10 m/c - I was told I would never have a live birth due to a physical deformity. So early stages of pregnancy, till they start kicking is always a “maybe it will maybe it won’t”. I’ve still got 2 weeks to scan that will let me know if it’s viable or not. Lots of emotions to unpack and deal with and I can’t even start that properly till my scan.
As for the folks who are pro contraceptive options that we have already, we use condoms, yes obviously this time something happened and there was too much contact - try telling your long term husband he can’t ever touch you without a rubber.... I cannot take hormonal contraceptive and I’ve trialed a whole lot of them because I actually really become suicidal. Take a second to think about that... everything in life is great but because I want a guarantee that I won’t fall pregnant I’m having fantasy’s about which tree to run the car into or where to cut. Physical deformity I have means I cannot even have the copper IUD. So it’s abstinence, condoms or major (because of deformity no keyhole option) surgery for me and condoms or vasectomy for him.
Funny to think that a not at fault car accident is more acceptable than an accidental pregnancy. Neither were intended but one of them is going to get judged if they aren’t happy about it.
Thanks to the supportive people, your comments were great and really helped!

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Anonymous

Just have the abortion. Your emotions will heal. I am blessed with overactive fertility also, and was exactly where you are. I don't regret anything. Was the right decision for my whole family.

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Anonymous

hi
I have felt like you.
in 2016 I just had my 4th baby (5th pregnancy) via 1st csection and the first time we slept together I got pregnant. Now I have pcos and takes me years to get pregnant even sometimes I have to use fertility drugs yet this time I got pregnant naturally strait away. It was unplanned and baby was only a few months old. My husband had also started working away. I was so upset, it was the first time I thought about abortion but just couldn't. I got depression and for awhile I didn't want it. Around 9w I started getting use to having a new baby and then started to look imagine having 5 kids. Went for my 12w scan and my baby had no heartbeat. I had to take tablets to deliver baby and I had a boy. I was so upset and felt so empty. At that time all I wanted was to be pregnant again. It really mucked up my emotions. We decided to start actually trying for another baby. It's so weirded how we didn't want another but after loosing him that's all I wanted. I got pregnant about 4 months later but was another MC. Then didn't get pregnant again until Nov 2018 and just had my 5th baby 4 months ago. Goodluck and hope you feelings Start to change, I know it will be hard as my older two are getting alot of attitude, my kids are 12,11,7,4 and baby

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Anonymous

Why the fuck is he on a "list" for a vasectomy??? Just book it and pay for it, tomorrow!!!

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Anonymous

Be thankful that you can get pregnant still. I can't have any more children. I would die to be in your position and would gladly give up my independence.
How selfish the world is you could always not adopt him her out there zillions of people can't have any kids

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Anonymous

I was in a similar situation 3 years ago, I had 6 children aged between 22 and 15. I had tubal ligation done (rings) just after my last was born. Had no issues till I found my self at 38 pregnant, at a time in my life where I was almost finished raising my children. I was so torn, hurt and angry!! My husband wanted me to have the child, but said that he would support me no matter what. From my teen years, I juggled motherhood with education, then again motherhood with working. I was finally at a point in my life where I was working full time, didn’t have to juggle so much anymore as my kids were all independent adults/teens. I was enjoying the freedom after my whole life revolving around my family. I had just started travelling with work and outside of work. I did a lot of deep soul searching and decided against going ahead with the pregnancy. Although I knew it was the right choice for me it was and still is the hardest thing I done in my life. I still feel guilt, but at the same time I am content with the decision I made. Just know that it’s your body, it’s your life and only you can make the decision that is right for you.

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