weddings! so were planning our wedding, were paying for all of it ourselves. so we decided to cut the guest list down a bit to save money, we cut off 6 aunts and uncles from ym partners side who I havent met and my partner doesn't talk to, and we cut off some other people as well.
however, now ym father in laws complaining cuz we aren't inviting his siblings. I've already explained about budget, and besides why invite people I don't know and my partner doesn't talk too?
what can I say to my father in law and these aunts and uncles? please help
Ok so my partner and I worked out who to cut form the list, it wasn’t just me deciding. We cut the aunts and uncles and ten of our friends.
These family members would be travelling from interstate so only inviting them to the ceremony wouldn’t work
Neither set of parents are paying for anything for the wedding. My in laws believe a wedding should be paid for by the brides parents and my parents don’t have the money nor do I expect them to pay or my in laws to pay. We are trying to have a nice small wedding that sticks to budget
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It's a wedding, where family get together. I hadn't met anyone on my husband's aunties and uncles until our wedding and it was fine we had a great day.
It's one important day where the family can celebrate.
Oh I get this.. I wanted a intimate wedding of 40-60 ended up with 90... all the obligation invites are annoying. Aunties and uncles who hadn’t bothered with me or my husband in 10 years suddenly want to catch up on 10 years on the day and all you want to do is Dance with your mates and the people you are close too.. if I had my time again I would cull dramatically. Good luck!
Noone here is really going to know the dynamics of the family. Personally I feel very strongly that a marriage is about bringing two families together and would invite all aunts and uncles from both sides. Ultimately my opinion would be to leave it up to your fiancé to talk his own family and explain the situation - they're going to take it a lot better from him rather than blaming it all on you
Weddings are hard and different to everyone.
We had a no auntie and uncle who we haven't met rule, mostly because it would have been an extra 30 people and we just could not afford it.
My in laws understood and it has never been an issue. However my Dad took it personally and it was a major issue for him, honestly he never got over it.
But for me and my husband it was the right decision, if they haven't met your partner prior to the wedding and they are not in your life, why should they be there for one day just for you to not see them again?
We had a few dramas like this at both my sisters weddings. It was ridiculous.
This is up to your partner to handle. He handles his family, you manage yours. They will forgive there son.
I’d take the approach of ‘who is going to pay for these extra guests’. If father in law is going to pay then he can invite his siblings.
In our family it was over a teenage cousin’ girlfriend not being invited.
I guess if the only relatives you've cut out are FIL's siblings then that's not going to go down well and will look like you're purposely cutting his family out. Does your partner know all of your relatives that are going? Him not talking to them doesn't really say much about their relationship, they could have been close when he was young and only see each other occasionally now that he is older, but the bond could still be there. Sometimes men just go along with what you want to save arguments especially with weddings as its usually meticulously organised by the bride to be, and it all seems to be centred around what the bride wants. Just make sure you are treating all sides of the family the same.
I actually only have one aunt and uncle my partner has met them multiple times. We wanted to keep the list under 50 people but with all the family that keeps popping up we are going way over :( on my side I’ve invited my parents and my aunt and uncle and a 6 friends the rest are my partners family
It sucks when one side of the family is large and expects everyone to be invited.
They just don’t get it.
Tell him you understand that it's important to him and will welcome them as they're family if you could afford it. Maybe he could cover their head charge?
I'd tell father I law that if he was willing to pay to accommodate for 6+ extra guests then he's quite welcome to, otherwise he needs to pipe down!
What is it about weddings that bring out every Tom, Dick and Harry's demands lol!!
I did exactly the same and just explained to my in-laws that they haven’t been in our lives for the entire relationship and therefore more than likely wouldn’t be following it either. I didn’t want people there that would be introduced to me for the first time on a day where it’s meant to be about celebrating with the closest to you. I also pointed out that after 4 years together they’d never made an effort to see their own siblings so why should I :P
I think it would be a good idea to either make some changes to afford the few extra people or be ok with your father in law having a grudge against you for years to come. Maybe explain that you can't afford it and a ask whether they would be willing to contribute to the cost of the additional people in lieu of a gift?
We have explained this, many times over. And the only way to invite the other people would be to ask my family not to attend
And that’s not fair
And he won’t pay for the extras
Well then he is being a dick and you will have to let him come around in his own time.
Perhaps ask him to throw you a celebration party afterwards, to meet him family and so he can celebrate with them.
Is he already putting in for the wedding?
No my in laws and my parents aren’t paying anything towards the wedding, we are trying to keep it small and on budget
I have more uncles and Aunties than my OH and way more friends. I would invite them but there is no guarantee they will accept the invitation anyway.
But I’m saying that if he told me I couldn’t invite them because he wants to limit it to 50 but is saying their whole family is coming no matter how small it is I would be annoyed. Especially if they were all invited and he was just picking out my family not to come.
It is your wedding (the both of yours) he knows the people you are wanting to exclude if he wants to exclude them that’s on him but that is not your choice to make. The day is about him too. You don’t have to sacrifice your family to accomodate his but he shouldn’t have to sacrifice his family if he doesn’t want to amid the pressure from yourself. Find away to increase the guest list size. They don’t all have to be invited to the reception. You can have a smaller more intimate reception after a large ceremony. Tell his dad they can come to the ceremony but not the reception if that’ll make him happy. You have photos after the ceremony anyway. FIL can go to a pub with his family and have his own family reunion before he comes to the reception. That way they all get to see you OH the day of his wedding and you can always have a brunch the morning after to accomodate the family that are there and get to meet them properly without too much drama on your wedding day. There’s a solution for every problem you just need to think outside of the box.
Well they would have to be invited to the reception since they would be travelling interstate
My partner suggested himself to leave off those people I didn’t pick it by myself, we cut those aunts and uncles and 10 of our friends off to save money
Besides why would I pay for a brunch for everyone when I can’t stretch the budget anymore to fit them in for the reception? That’s just more money
Different commenter, if I were father of the bride, I would be annoyed if my siblings weren’t invited, it’s a proud day. I can understand cutting acquaintances, new partners but not aunties and uncles. If they live interstate, that’s probably why you don’t see them. Weddings bring people together, they’re great like that. If they are willing to fly in for the wedding, it is obviously important to them. You got rid of “friends”, he got rid of actual family!!!
I want to imagine how you would feel if when your kids are older, they get married and none of your siblings are invited, how would that make you feel? Not sharing this monumental time with your brothers and sisters?
We actually go interstate to visit the grandparents and whenever we go these aunts and uncles don’t want to come see us yet they live an hour away and don’t want us visiting my partner and I have been together for 7 years
We have invited 3 of the father in law siblings, just not the other three we don’t see
So it’s even worse, some are invited and some aren’t.
You came here for perspective, you have an answer for everything, so why seek advice?
At the end of the day, I think it’s wrong it not invite the parents of the brides siblings, unless they are abusive etc. It’s six people who I think you should prioritise over others. I’m sorry I don’t agree with you.
Totally agree with you on this one. Why invite people that haven’t bothered to meet you in 7 years? If you and your hubby are happy then that’s all that matters. Your fil had his wedding and chance to pick his guest list, it’s now your turn. If he isn’t going to pay for them then he needs to sit down and mind his own business. Not his budget, not his wedding, not his choice
Ask everyone to pay for their own dinner for the wedding!!
I had zero of my mother’s siblings and only one of my fathers and his mother because it’s literally the only thing he asked of me for the wedding. I don’t speak to any of my extended family so they weren’t getting an invite and my mother parents had already passed.
On my husbands side, we had all of his mothers family (4 siblings) and invited all of his Dads family but only 1 could make it. Because his mothers family are very close and involved in our lives and his fathers family are so loving but live in New Zealand and couldnt all afford it.
My parents didn’t gave a brass rasso that there was more family on husbands side and none on ours. My sisters (except 1 - but that’s another story) were there and we were surrounded by love and support.
Tell Daddy Dearest to suck it up. He had his chance to invite people to a wedding... his own! Now you get to do it.
I had zero of my mother’s siblings and only one of my fathers and his mother because it’s literally the only thing he asked of me for the wedding. I don’t speak to any of my extended family so they weren’t getting an invite and my mother parents had already passed.
On my husbands side, we had all of his mothers family (4 siblings) and invited all of his Dads family but only 1 could make it. Because his mothers family are very close and involved in our lives and his fathers family are so loving but live in New Zealand and couldnt all afford it.
My parents didn’t gave a brass rasso that there was more family on husbands side and none on ours. My sisters (except 1 - but that’s another story) were there and we were surrounded by love and support.
Tell Daddy Dearest to suck it up. He had his chance to invite people to a wedding... his own! Now you get to do it.