2016 my now ex husband had non-consensual sex with me. Yes I know what it’s called, yes I struggle with calling it what it is. It was never reported because 🥺🥺 well no one would believe me anyway. Within 48 hours of me ending the relationship he told everyone I cheated on him with up to 3 different guys, that I ended it for the child support..... Within a week I lost all of my friends (who were mutual friends), within 2 weeks he had a new girl friend..... and it was continuously reinforced no one would believe me cause well cops don’t lie.... and he’s a cop. Not the last time in December but the time before that when it happened I told him if he ever did that to me again i would have him charged...... he told me it wasn’t 🤢rape. Apparently if you say no to sex and they wait until you are sleeping, it’s not rape. Apparently if you have an orgasm you liked it enough that it rules out rape.
Ever year around this time until the new year I struggle. Flash backs, I can remember what day it was, what i did that day before and after, what happened, what I was wearing. I remember and see it all.
Every year around this time I think about reporting it, but I feel sick. Like it’s all my fault. That if I said ‘no’ more, If I hadn’t been drinking, that if I just gave in that night when he wanted it, that if I report it I’d ruin his life, his career..... but mostly no one will believe me anyway.
Yes I have seen a psychologist about it, in the weeks after it happened I saw someone, it’s just this time of year triggers for me and I struggle... any advice on moving forward and putting it behind me once and for all?
7 Replies
I was taped by a bloke in the army, and like you remember everything. The pain, the screams, everything. I didn't report it. I let him get away with it. I lost friends because they thought I lied about it because I was a promiscuous teenager. I have worked really hard to not let it effect other relationships. For me dealing with it, was putting it in a box. That way I had control over it, and that it didn't ruin my life.
That's me though. I think you need to go back to someone to see how you can move past the yearly triggers.
Good luck hun #wewillsurvive
Wow what a scumbag and he is a cop!! maybe you could confide in someone who knows him. Let it all out and tell someone. Show your emotions & get it off your chest. He will get his karma. This is awful. He shouldn’t be a cop for starters. What a bastard!
You have it recovered with the psychologist you seen. You could seek legal advise and charge him still. He should not be a cop.!
Covered
If you know where he works, try and meet up with a female colleague of his and explain this situation . She will
Understand. I think someone needs to know and it needs to be reported. Explain what you have said on here. just because he’s a cop he shouldn’t get away with it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Couple of things to point out...
*If you orgasm, that's your body reacting, not you - it does NOT equal consent
*If you say no then fall asleep and he takes advantage - it does NOT equal consent.
*If he's a cop - IT'S STILL RAPE
I'm not saying do not report him, but it will be hard to prove, even if you did tell your psychologist when it happened. it's a pretty shitty situation to be in. Seek some proper legal advice on the best way to approach this.
And I know how cops can be. I started dating once when I was 20 - it lasted 4 days - yes you read that right - 4 DAYS before he hit me, leaving me with a massive black eye. All because I wouldn't tickle him. I didn't report him I just left never to speak to him again. It wasn't till about 8 years later we crossed paths again and I'd found out the he'd lost his job, seriously assaulted his wife and he was jailed for about 12 months.
Whatever you decide. Good luck.
Please please report it. Just because he is a cop doesn't mean he will get away with it. Who cares about it ruining his life or his career, he has tarred yours. He is a pig and using his authority as power. I have been here, and 18 months if court and investigations, interrogation having to face his ugly mug guess what he was found guilty, was discharged from the police force with quite hefty consequences. And now I see a trauma counselor, we are hitting 2 years now and still struggle but we are getting their. I lost a lot of friends copped a lot of victim shaming but it was well worth bringing the bastard to justice to stop it from happening to any one else