I need to vent, I need to do it anon so I'm doing it here. You can go ahead a judge me that's fine, but if what I'm going to say helps just one person realise they aren't alone then I'll feel better.
Everyone goes on about people with mental health issues and how we should support them and be there for them etc. I don't begrudge them that at all and I never would.
What about those of us who live with people who have mental health issues. No shit, it feels like no one gives a single fuck about how we are feeling.
It's fucking hard! It fucking sucks. And it's fucking exhausting. I'm so tired. Tired of coming home to a mess because someone has had a meltdown and thrown an adult sized tantrum. I'm tired of the 'depression nest' that will get tidied up tomorrow.
I'm tired of being the one who does every single God damned thing around the house. I'm tired of working my ass off just to fix doors and walls that get broken due to the adult sized tantrums.
I'm tired of going out knowing it's a bad day and being terrified of coming home to find them dead. I'm tired of watching the man I love with all of my soul waking up in the morning and seeing the disappointment in his eyes that he has to face another day.
I'm tired of watching him struggle, I'm tired of him feeling even more awful for snapping at me or breaking a door because he slammed it. I'm tired of people telling me I should leave him. I'm tired of seeing him hate himself for not being able to work. His body is broken as well as the mind.
I'm fucking tired of no one ever asking me how I'm doing, if I'm OK, if I need anything.
I'm not OK!