Hi sisterhood, I have 2 children from a previous relationship. We separated when my son was 2.5. He is now almost 12 and is not wanting to go to his dads every fortnight. He comes home crying and upset for days after being there. He is not in harm there but is really getting depressed about going. I have always encouraged him to go and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel it’s affecting his metal state and making him very moody and emotional . Has anyone been though this I need some advice as to what to do. I feel he may be happy to go for a day but not staying over night. Pls help thanks in advance.
Son not wanting to go to his dads every fortnight.
Son not wanting to go to his dads every fortnight.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Behaviour, Kids
7 Replies
Are there court orders in place? If not I'd just speak to dad and say what you have said here. Maybe you could come to some sort of agreement about the sleep overs. However something must be happening to have this kind of reaction.
Hi no there isn’t any court orders.
I wouldnt make him go. He’s 12 and he should have SOME say in the matter. I would also seek out professional assistance. If it turns into a shit storm once dad realises you can always say “he’s seeing a counsellor, maybe you could see them too and arrange some mediation”. If it ever ends in court (worst case scenario) the psychologist would enough knowledge to give a report stating it was affecting your sons mental health.
Encourage the relationship. If he felt that way about you what would you want his dad to say?
To put his finger on what the problem is. To think about what could make it better. To take some steps to make it better.
To talk to his dad and work it out, get support.
I do encourage the relationship and have always. It is at the point that it is affecting him badly. Unfortunately nothing changes when I speak to his dad. I can understand what you are saying, in regards to the fact if he felt this way about me. But if he is coming home crying each time he has been there and I talk to his dad and nothing changes. What am I suppose to do? Just let him feel this way?
No don't ignore him. But show him how adults aren't perfect but love him, and how to look at options and try. Sometimes a middle ground works when a sad child is sure it won't. It doesn't take much to change their attitude. Would really help if dad is on board, but cutting down sleepovers and maintaining visits for a short time may help change them both.
Has your child mentioned specifically what upsets him? How is the other child after Dads?
Maybe dad and son need to talk directly to eachother?
How about dad and son go to counseling together?