How long after a miscarriage do you keep trying? When it took a year to fall in the first pace and it’s now nearly 2 years on from when you first started to try and your partner says yes but doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it (including having sec at the right time). When it’s clearly not a priority to them and there is always something in the way. When your getting older, when you feel like you have no control over anything and this issue stands at the heart of it. When even trying to talk about next steps either way is put off for a week then action put off for another month then the cycle continues.
Sorry I think I just need to unload and come to terms with the reality in my own head. I think I already know what will be said.
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Took 3 years to fall pg with 1st and another 4 with 2nd. In both cases, as soon as we stopped "trying", I fell pregnant. With 2nd, we accepted no more babies and went on a holiday 😂.
Our first was in two months - then it was over a year for the second pregnancy and we are now on 9mths since that. I wasn’t a young mother for our first who is 4.
I found the pressure of trying at “the right time” really hindering to our sex life. We were doing it just for a baby and not for enjoyment or love. We stopped putting that pressure on ourselves each month and it put us in a lot better headspace.
Probebly our biggest problem if we weren’t trying I don’t think we would have a sex life. He sits up all night working stupid hours. Neither of us is in a good headspace but as a known control freak I can’t get in a good headspace when in limbo. I guess I’m coming to the point of just being done but got to get my head around it. I don’t like who this is making me. I’m so angry and irrational about children. I can’t be happy for anyone and that’s just not me usually.
Get yourself into a better headspace with some professional help. A baby may not solve the issues, if you know what I mean. Get yourself better, mentally and physically. It is a lot of pressure to be under.
I probably used that term too loosely. I have adhd and when I say I’m in a bad headspace it isn’t depression it’s everything firing a mile a minute causing an inability to function normally. Yes it can look like depression but professional help I’ve had. I know the strategies, unless I want re medicating I don’t need to see a professional. They will tell me the same things goals, structure, planning, focus. Just hard to do that when there’s another non neurotypical person involved who’s strategic plans are avoid withdraw and regroup.
I know you probably hate the saying "stop trying and it will happen" but I truly believe the pressures on TRYING prevent it from actually happening. Stress is the last thing your body needs when it's trying to create a baby. And so many people stress over "the right time" to be having sex ect ect.
We've conceived three children the first or second month of "trying" but all our version of trying is, finishing inside me.... we don't have sex on particular days or any more often then we usually would. No OPK's and no pregnancy tests until the day of missed period. No stresses.
Most infertile women start out like that, but after a long period of time you can’t help but stress.
You haven’t been through it, so you wouldn’t understand.
I definitely haven't been through it but with a family history of infertility, I had suspicions it could be me. But as I said above, the stress doesn't help. Clearly, it's easier said then done BUT I truly believe it makes a massive difference.
First child conceived this way. But 2 years tells me it ain’t working anymore. First year didn’t really stress me. The second has.
Side not it is a medical recommendation that if after 6mths or trying at my age you get no dice you see someone.
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to respond. I’m just in a bad place today and getting it off my chest helps. I’m one of those people that is always the support for others but can’t bring myself to get support.
Anyway made an appointment at the clinic and so next week I’ll have an answer one way or another
Thanks again for the support.
It’s better to know, then you won’t be in limbo and can take action, there’s so many ways to help the process these days. Good luck xxxx
Try to have an orgasm at the same time as your partner. It took me and my hubby so long to fall pregnant the first 2 times but I’m pregnant now with no. 3 and it only took 5 months (which is amazing for us).
I remember having the best orgasm when we fell pregnant and I think that honestly helped. I read this and it makes sense to me... even if it doesn’t work, it’s fun to orgasm with your partner anyway :)
The Upsuck Theory
This hypothesis is that the contractions of the uterus help "suck up" the semen that gets deposited in the vagina, near the cervix. The orgasm then helps to move the sperm through the uterus and fallopian tubes.
So we saw the dr, and we are getting tests - blood and ultrasound for me and semen analysis for hubby. I had the blood test today and the ultrasound tomorrow and we will see just how much effort hubby puts into getting his done in good time. He says Saturday.
I expect mine to come back fine - they did bloods and ultrasound post d&c in February and said they saw no reason I should have any issues. I also don’t foresee any real issues with hubby - and I wonder if that scares me more than there being an issue.
I’ve been told the step after this is referral to fertility clinic (regardless of issues) but I already know that I won’t go down IVF anyway. The emotional strain this way has broken me I won’t add financial strain/stress to that. So I did some google cause I am stupid like that and found there is just timed (which we have already tried to do albeit half heartedly on his side) and health changes (my BMI I know is high at 29.4 but I have stacked on weight this year a combination of things including the depressed state I have been in though I also question this as it says my healthy weight range and I know when I was that weight I was a size 6-8 and had health issues). Then medical intervention of oral stimulants or injected then the more ivf stuff.
So now I’m in a depressed state again because what if nothing is wrong and they just say lose weight or some stupid shit like that as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. I don’t really have time on my hands here. What if all of this is for nothing. And so I don’t myself in a similar state to last week unable to sleep and crying like an idiot over something I can’t control anyway and feeling so cheated by life. And it doesn’t matter how true it is it feels so unfair and like everyone else has it so easy. And I’m here pouring it all out to anonymous people because I can’t ever find the ability to lean on anyone around me because I’m always the strong one.
I am so angry at my husband for his constant non chalance about the whole situation. I’m angry at friends who are pregnant. I can’t stand to see photos of friends who have babies that should have been born around the time of my second. And I feel crazy and stupid for all of it.
Sorry to offload again.