Helping or hiding (not for FB)

Anonymous

Helping or hiding (not for FB)

I confronted my husband about a series of inappropriate messages with a woman at his work. He swore black and blue nothing was going on. I asked that he not communicate with this woman unless work related to which he agreed.

I've since caught him out deleting messages from her. He says he can't help it if she messages him and deleted so not to upset me..... I said know you can't help it if she messages you... but now I'm super suspicious and said he is hiding the fact that he's still overly friendly with her, it is lying. He says it is not, it is avoiding confrontation with me because I'm being a jealous loony (which I am).

Thoughts.... lying or saving me the stress when there nothing is going on.....

Ps. This woman is 110% putting the moves on him, talk of the office at work I've since found out, he's just too much of a douche bag to see it. He honestly thinks she's just an oversharer. I've dug a hole out the back in anticipation of your responses (loony), kidding. It's for a pool but I told him he'll fit under it if he deletes any more messages.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour

12 Replies

Anonymous

Yeah bullshit. He can stop her messaging him if he wanted to. Deleting and then saying its so I don't get upset would be it for me.

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Anonymous

I reckon too. But it is his work phone and they do have to communicate. He has blocked her on his personal devices (and I've checked he has). I want him to say something to her to back off but he doesn't want it to be awkward.... I was like WELL HOW AWKWARD DO YOU WANT S*&T AT HOME????

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Anonymous

Send her a msg from his phone telling her to back off his married!

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Anonymous

So being professional and acting married and not interested is awkward?
Awkward for him to admit he's crossed a line and his wife's making him. If he grew up, or had no interest, it would be a piece of cake.

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Anonymous

Rationally, you understand he can't stop her sending messages, that's not the issue, him hiding them is. He needs to be open. And you need to give her credit. She's not going to be messaging him if it's not reciprocated.
So just watch him, he's the only one playing games so far.

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Anonymous

I'm going to say that you need to remember that if he has to work with this person then he is probably being smart not confronting her. If he was to outwardly call her out for hitting on him and she gets offended and vindictive he could be made to look like the bad guy easily if she decides to get nasty. If he has blocked her on his other devices I don't think there is much else you can do unless you have so little trust in him that it is a deal breaker.

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Anonymous

Yes I'm trying to look at it that way. It's not a deal breaker. I do trust him. He's never done anything like this before and to be fair all the messages where there for me to see. He was genuinely upset when I confronted him... He has changed his behaviour since this whole thing. More contact during the day. Made a lunch date with me every week. Declining work travel he would usually go on. I just feel like it's a niggle in my brain I can't shake. I wanted to hear from some rational people. Thank you for your honesty.

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Anonymous

Why would he need to decline any work travel though if its work related ?.

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Anonymous

Because he travels with her 80% of the time...

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Anonymous

He could always report her for harassment too. If he wanted something could be done!

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Anonymous

If my husband contacted a man I worked with for messaging me on my work phone, I'd be fuming. That's grounds for a workers compensation claim for bullying for the other party and potentially dismissal for the person who's phone was accessed by someone who isn't an employee. I would also not turn down travel that is a part of my job to avoid my husband being jealous if I wasn't breaking his trust. I think if you trust your husband, and you say you do.... Who cares what this woman wants? Honestly, if a smoking hot person propositioned my husband or myself naked, the other person still wouldn't have anything to worry about because we value our marriage and the trust we have. If another person put the moves on 1 of us, the only risk would be their embarrassment. If you trust your husband, then remind yourself that you have nothing to be scared of.

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Anonymous

Ps... Hubby says the reason so many men hit on me is because I'm such a bubbly person they mistake my genuine interest in people and humour as flirting and that he finds it hilarious I don't realise someone is hitting on me unless they are really explicit. If your husband is oblivious to her flirting, then he's nit flirting back, regardless of how well he might get along with her.

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