We have our 20 year old daughter still at home, and her and her dad fight, they are both stubborn, and I get caught in the middle, she can be rude and disrespectful and he can be grumpy and arrogant, how do I deal with it without taking sides
We have our 20 year old daughter still at home, and her and her dad fight, they are both stubborn, and I get caught in the middle, she can be rude and disrespectful and he can be grumpy and arrogant, how do I deal with it without taking sides
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7 Replies
Stay removed and impartial. Remind her exactly what you've said here - you know his flaws. You see hers too. Remind her of his good points as her dad, and hers too. Don't get any more involved.
Tell them both to grow up and start acting like the adults that they are and to leave you the hell out of it
Personally I'd start putting in steps for your daughter to move out. If she's causing trouble and rifts, she is old enough to get out.
Yes your husband is grumpy and whatever, but he is probably just sick of her shit. At the end of the day, would be still be grumpy? If he'd still be grumpy with out her living there causing trouble, then start putting in steps for him to move out too.
My in laws have the same problem with their daughter. And honestly, if I were them, I'd put my marriage first because the daughter is old enough to sort her own shit out. Because if not, the marriage is going t ok fall apart one day.
I think you need to say exactly what you just did.... In front of them both. Tell them that they're both acting unkind (be specific) and that they need to sit down and work out their issues because their fighting is unfair on you. Don't take sides.
I have my 19 year old daughter at home while she's doing uni and I totally get the frustration from your partner. We don't argue but she is hard to handle sometimes and I think because she is now an adult I'm just well and truly over it and have no patience anymore 😂. She has already moved out at 16 and boomeranged back a year ago so she should be more grown up but she's not. She is getting her own place next year and I know we will get along a lot better then, that is probably what your daughter needs to do. You should find they get along better when they have space.
I don’t think you kick anyone out, you’re a family, you have some issues so you sort them out. You sit them both down and talk it through.
People are so quick to kick people out, due to the cost of living and house prices, multi generations are living together these days.
You’re a family, you work it out.
I think really it depends what the arguments are about . You don’t have to take side but can help diffuse by offering an alternative perspective ... or just stay out of it .
There are a lot of variables that can affect tolerance levels too .. is your daughter working and contributing to the house financially ? Is she pulling her weight in house work ? Being 20 now I’m guessing it’s you guys supporting her while she does ... something ... but she should be definitely contributing... if that’s not the issue and it’s purely personalities clashing then maybe getting a mediator involved ( not you if it puts you in the middle ) to talk out the biggest issues and set some house rules around how people respect each other - set an agreement that when someone is getting frustrated they go cool down before continuing the conversation .. things like that ... living with extra adults in the house can be frustrating it’s why kids usually start to move out ;) good luck !