Hi IM's,
My son is nearly 2 and a half and for a while now he's been getting a bit inappropriate with touching.
He's forever trying to reach in and touch my vagina and, lately, reach INTO my ass cheeks to touch mummy's bum. Mummy's boobies also get a fair bit of attention, where he'll jiggle them or try to play with them several times a day. (We've been weaned since 7.5 months so he's not associating them with feeding or anything. They're just interesting and fun, apparently)
We were in a public place the other week and as he walked past a little girl sitting on a chair, he stopped and bent over to look up her dress.
I know, I know, he's only 2.5 and he's curious, I know. Don't beat on me. But he does know what he's doing and doesn't stop when asked to. I think there's a line and we need to be talking about consent and good/bad touches and all that big stuff. I'm worried about him trying to touch other people or strangers in public, especially after the upskirt incident, I'm mortified to think he'll try to grab some random little girl inappropriately. I just don't know how or where to start or what to say.
I've tried "mummy doesn't like it when you touch my bum, please don't touch my bum, that makes mummy upset" but as advanced as his language and comprehension is, this falls on seemingly deaf ears. As all important things do.
If anyone has any advice or resources on this topic, I'd be very appreciative x
8 Replies
By this stage I'd be giving him a smack on the hand or a firm no. This is what I do with my child, same age and that behaviour didn't last long.
No! A very firm, scary no and in time out. Then explain afterwards about touching etc. If he isn't getting the idea that it's the wrong thing to do then he will keep doing it. I'm sure there are lots of books out there that help them understand too, good luck.
Smack his hand and tell him know as soon as he does it
Keep your reactions low key, and basic. Move away when he does it but don't give it oxygen. Just say "no, don't touch." He might "understand" your words but he lacks the self control to stop. Your reaction may be interesting to him also. Also, don't smack him (as other posters have suggested). Violence doesn't solve anything.
PS it doesn't mean he's a deviant or anything, he's just a baby. He's testing the world around him.
Toddlers have zero impulse control, they also don't fully grasp the concepts of empathy and reason.
Nor do they understand social norms and why this behaviour is inappropriate.
(Trust me, he would not be the only kid who thinks it's fun to stick their chubby little hand in someones bum crack 🙊).
So that's likely why your long winded explanations aren't having an effect.
Just to join the chorus, a stern NO! redirection and distraction is a pretty effective way to curb undesirable toddler behaviour.
My baby brother at this age had a delightful habit of asking my friends (when they came over) if he could look at their "ginas" like it was as normal as asking to look at a cool toy.
Not sure i ever recovered from the embarrassment but my brother grew out of it, he's grown now and didn't turn into a giant sex pest so 🤷😂
I agree with the above posters.
You need to be firm on this, trying to reason with him and saying ‘mum doesn’t like you touching her bum’ isn’t working.
Kids are naturally curious and will push the boundaries, and that’s completely normal that he’s kept pushing it, but you also have a responsibility to not allow him to upskirt people.
He doesn’t understand what he’s doing but you do! And its your responsibility to stop it.
A firm ‘NO that’s not ok’ should be more than enough to stop him at this age. It make take a few times but you need to be consistent
I agree with the above posters.
You need to be firm on this, trying to reason with him and saying ‘mum doesn’t like you touching her bum’ isn’t working.
Kids are naturally curious and will push the boundaries, and that’s completely normal that he’s kept pushing it, but you also have a responsibility to not allow him to upskirt people.
If a kid stopped to look up my little girls dress, I’d be out raged!
I understand kids will be kids but that is not ok!
He doesn’t understand what he’s doing but you do! And its your responsibility to stop it.
A firm ‘NO that’s not ok’ should be more than enough to stop him at this age. It make take a few times but you need to be consistent
I would be saying a very firm ‘no’ with a consequence if my 2 & 1/2 year old did that. He needs to learn boundaries.
It’s a tough job and you’re clearly all over it because you want to stop it in it’s track. Well done mumma.