Does anyone else feel like there doing a seriously crappy job at this parenting thing? I dont know how to go about it anymore. My 3 year old just doesnt listen to me. I can never take him anywhere cause he is so awfully behaved. He can never sit still or do as his told. He runs away from me constantly. Im one of those mums whose constantly chasing after their kid saying please stop doing that... please behave... please please... Today I took him to buy bread at a corner shop and I had to leave the shopkeeper with my change and bread cause my son decided to bolt out of the shop after i repeatedly told him to stop. Then he threw the biggest tanty as I caught him and everyone was looking at me probably thinking what an awful kid (cause he was also being naughty in the shop) and what a crappy young mum that can control her kid... its not the first time either...I seriously prefer to just stay at home just so i dont have to be embaresed about how I have no control over my son. I wonder maybe im just a crappy mum? Time out doesnt work at all as he cant sit still and shutting him in his bedroom just makes him throw his toys against the walls so angrily that i decided to stop doing that and I cant bring myself to hit him or spank him a littler either. I feel its so wrong I mean i was raised by getting the crap beaten out of me if i misbehaved but I feel so awful even just thinking that thats the only way to dicipline a child... I know his only little and at that age its hard for them to understand but i dont know what to do anymore... I kinda feel hopeless. His got such a strong will of doing things his way. He doesnt respect me at all, probably sees me as his equal. He bit me last week and left such a horrible bruise on my arm. We were at a birthday party and he was behaving so badly with the other kids. I took the toy he was fighting over with from him and he bit me with all of his anger. Everyone watched in horror. I handed him over to his dad and went to a room and cried so much feeling like such a useless as a mom.
7 Replies
You're not a useless Mum! My son was a runner too and although he grew out of it and is pretty common for boys at that age I hope there's nothing more going on for your son given the other behaviour too. Does he go to daycare or with anyone else? Do they have trouble with him too? It's easy to just stay home all the time but try and take him out somewhere for a quick visit everyday, keep him in a stroller and when he can sit nice in it for a few weeks, move onto a harness, then move onto holding hands. Every time he slips up go back to the one before and start again. I was against harnesses until my kid ran out on the road once so don't worry about what people think about keeping your child restrained, it's for his own safety.
Go to the dr and talk to them about adhd and other behavior issues, they may give u some referrals to see a child psychologist and a paed. Ur not alone and it's ok to ask for help!
Strap him in a pram.
You know kids don't listen and they push and push. What happens next dictates the way things go. They either go on and on until little one is running the show and getting more and more heightened while you're 'nagging' and getting more and more angry until something blows up.
Or. You follow through on what you've said, then regroup, bring things back down to calm and enjoyable, then go on again doing as you said.
When he bit you, you should have left the party ( considering it's an ongoing issue, not a one off) boys that bite their mums don't get to go to parties. You need to stop thinking you're a shitty parent when he does something shitty. Kids do shitty things all the time. That's when you as a good parent, parent them. Don't let him walk all over you.
If he runs away he needs to go in a trolley or stroller or leash. Try to have a plan ready to control or contain his bad behaviour. Give him one reminder and then do it. And ill say it again - a child screaming and tantrjmming because mum is forcing him to do as hes told DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A SHIT PARENT. Weve all been there. Follow through and you'll both be happier.
The only people who would think you're a crappy, useless mum is the sanctimonious asshats who either have no children or stupidly think they have some kind of undeserved superiority as parents because they were blessed with a naturally compliant or obedient child, but don't worry about them people - they're either beyond help or they've yet to be hit with the karma bus 😂
On a more serious note, as a mother of an extremely head strong, stubborn, defiant 10 year old who's come out the other side of this: I promise you, it does get easier or at least the difficult days slowly start to become less frequent. There is a light at the end of the tunel mama, don't forget that!
And also, don't ever be ashamed to put your hand up for help. 3 year olds are such hard work!! I won't lie, i feel like I only just survived the 3 to 4 year old phase with my sanity intact.
Having a chat to your doctor really couldn't hurt at this point, they'll be able to help differentiate between typical developmental behaviour and behaviour that may not be. They should be able to refer you to helpful services, parenting resources and even a pediatrician if necessary.
Now, repeat after me:
I AM A GOOD MUM 💪
I HAVE GOT THIS 💪
Kids are fun aren’t they?! That age is just tricky and you’ll make it through. That’s why I used to keep my kids strapped into a pram and not go out to places I’d be stressed if I could help it.
You aren’t useless, it’s kids they are exhausting.!!
I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was exactly the same, complete horror head, disobedient to the endth degree. Loved her always, but didn’t like her a lot at that time. Send him to daycare, his peers will sort him out, take some time out for yourself and be kind to yourself. You are a good mum, you are worn out that’s all.