How to make my son to stand up for himself

Anonymous

How to make my son to stand up for himself

Hello ladies. I am a very concerned single mom. My son is 8 years old and somewhat of a soft hearted kid. I think other kids see him as being weak and that they can pick on him. I'm always telling to to stand up for himself, but don't get physical. There was at a little gathering for kids a while ago and when I went to pick him up, he was laying on the floor crying. I thought he was hurt at first, and then he tells me that two girls, same age, were chasing him and wouldn't leave him alone. He said they got on top of him and wouldn't get off, even though he told some adults there and they just looked at him as if they were having fun or something. These girls have been bugging him throughout the past couple of years at school. I talked to him and told him that he has to start picking up for himself. I told him that if telling the girls to get off of him didn't work, then he should have screamed for someone's help (which he said he did), or , I told him the last resort was to push them off. Now, I don't condone hitting or kicking, things like that, but if that's his last resort, then go ahead and do it, don't matter of he gets in trouble for it or not. Please no negative comments, I'm feeling bad about this as it is ☹

Posted in:  Behaviour, Kids

2 Replies

Anonymous

Some people just don't deal with confontation well. I am one of those people! Whilst I'm getting better as an adult out of sheer necessity, as a child this was something i really struggled with. Just telling him to "stick up for yourself" isn't helpful. It's like telling someone with anxiety to "just stop worrying".
If he could stick up for himself, he would!

He needs tools and strategies, which it does sound like you're touching on but I'd try and practice more regularly.
You could also try something like a step by step approach.

If someone's doing something you don't like:
Step 1: Big clear voice "please stop. I don't like it", repeat if necessary.
Step 2: remove himself from the situation/person annoying him if above doesn't work.
Step 3: Tell an adult or teacher if behaviour continues.

It actually sounds like some adult intervention is needed at this point with these 2 particular girls if they've veen bothering him for a few years though.
I think requesting a meeting with the relevant teachers and parents is your next step here, what's going on now is actually harrassment, he needs your help with this particular situation.

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Anonymous

Wonderful answer, thank you so much!

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