How to get my partner to take me seriously.

Anonymous

How to get my partner to take me seriously.

Evil Step Mother Post coming in hottttt

So, my partners son is on the verge of a very dark path. As far as I know things at home are changing very quickly. His mother has a new partner and has fallen pregnant with her 4th child very quickly, they now have to move house and buy a new car all while dealing with the heart broken father to the middle 2 children. (He’s spoken to me about how drop offs are hard when his old stepdad sees the new boyfriend in the house).

Now, he’s in year 8 at a very large public school. His mother doesn’t have Instagram and is very behind the times when it comes to this. I’ve seen some of his posts and I think there’s a lot of pot smoking happening (photos of him and his mates looking like they’re high and the comments making reference to it as well).. he shares lots of pictures and videos of other people doing this and he’s on his last warning. If it happens again there’s no phone. (Father has purchased and pays the phone bill).

I feel like he’s going to fall through the cracks. Im the oldest of 4 children and I know I sure as hell did. Both his parents are from small country town high schools, and were both into sports and hanging out at the town pool on weekends. I grew up in the city and saw a lot more then they did. His mum has a lot on her plate and I get that. But I’m so worried about this slippery slope of what master 13 likes to refer to himself as “I’m Eshay” google it. (It’s not something to be proud of). His dad (my partner) has his rose coloured glasses on at this stage, but 14 year old me is screaming on the inside.. I’m remembering all the shit I did and got away with and all the times I was crying wishing I was home in bed or my mum knew where I was. Being too afraid to call her to come get me. I don’t want that for him. I try to tell this to my partner and I know he hears me but I just think he doesn’t want to believe it. My step son is quiet and withdrawn when he’s here. Doesn’t want to hang out like he used to. (He’s 13 I get it, we’re not cool) but I just feel like he’s angry at us for some reason. Like it’s some internal rage brewing and I wish he’d just explode it all over us so we would know what’s going on. It took him 9 years to tell us his previous step father was an asshole. He lived with not being able to tell his dad what was happening at home. I don’t want that to happen again. As the very much younger step mother with no kids of my own yet I feel like if I were to approach the subject with either parent I’d just be shot out of the room. “I’m not the parent” and I get that but I can see what’s happening. It’s so frustrating not being taken seriously. Especially when it comes to drugs.

So the way I see it is I have 1 option. To sit back and wait for the penny to drop. But how long will that take...

Posted in:  Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Drugs & Alcohol

5 Replies

Anonymous

Why don't you see if he wants to live with you guys majority of the time? He is probably not liking what's going on at Mums. And if Step Dad was in his life for 9 years and now gone but comes back just for his siblings then he's probably feeling a bit rejected there too, as much as he says he was an asshole I'm sure if it was that bad you would have known about it. He seemed to be concerned with how upset he was so he must care about him. Get your partner to talk to his ex and see if they both think he will be better off living with you.

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Anonymous

Aw mate, I sympathise!

It's beyond frustrating when you can see that a kid is teetering on the edge but their parent's refuse to see it!

I know it's not the same but i went through this exact thing with my kid brother. He was 13, out smoking pot, drinking, staying out til all hours on school nights. I practically belted my parents over the head with all the evidence/worring signs - I dont think they knew what to do, so they did nothing or tried to fix the problems with band aids.

Eventually it lead to him breaking into and stealing cars, commiting other car related crimes. He dropped out of school by 10th grade and my mum kicked him out. It completely altered the course of his life!
He's battled a criminal record, full-blown addiction and homelessness all before he was 20, he's 25 now and just starting to come out the other side.

I don't really know what you can do without that parental authority but just keep being vocal about your concerns to your partner, no pretenses, no subtleties, just straight up: your son is in a really dangerous place, pay attention and do something.
I feel like 13/14 is a really vulnerable age for boys, they're already so impressionable and full of angst in the best of circumstances, add in home life stresses and that up the anty in terms of risk factors.

But kudos for caring and urban dictionary here i come for eshay definition because clearly I'm further behind the times than i thought 😂

Fingers crossed it all works out x

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Anonymous

He’s so lucky to have you. Befriend him, stick close to him. He’s going to need you.

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Anonymous

He is lucky to have you.

But be careful not to project. His experience won’t necessarily be yours.

I would gently plant the seed in Dads head that maybe he needs some counseling due to hideous step dad he lives with for 9 years.

I would also just pull him aside, and verbally let him know you have his back! Tell him you see him and if he needs you, your there. Like others have said you can be a very positive friend to him. Promise to listen without judgement!

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Anonymous

Heyyy

I'm an evil stepmum here and proud of it. My SS is 14 years old and was seriously falling thru the cracks. We have ALWAYS, paid for everything (and I don't mean 50/50 kind of thing), we have always provided EVERYTHING because he is our child. In the end, things came to a head 6 months ago and he is now living with us full time and thriving. We are always on his case to call mum, to visit her etc so their relationship doesn't further deteriorate. The issue was actually his stepfather... who is an absolute and utter piece of s**t who control's my husband ex-wife (and NO, we have never, EVER uttered a bad word to him to SS. This dude makes my skin crawl. I cannot stand the asshole.) At the end of the day, you have responsibility to your stepson, just like you would to bio kids.

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