I have been split up from my childs father for a little over a year.
Our current arrangement is 8 nights a fortnight with me, 6 nights with him (the time he is in town from working away). From the get go I have always found those 6 nights are just too much on our 6yo daughter.
Our daughter is coming home to me after the time with her father very angry and emotional. I have tried to bring these issues up with her father but I am met with anger and a total lack of ignorance.
He started seeing someone almost immediately after I left him (which was completely fine by me), and took our daughter on his first tinder date with him.
Our daughter now fights for his attention with his new partner and her two children. She comes home upset that daddy spent all his time with them and ignores her. Every night he has her he spends at his girlfriend's house with our daughter until passed 9pm even with school the next day.
I have told him time and time again that I would like to have her more so he isn't juggling between his girlfriend and his daughter but he refuses.
Everyone around my daughter can see the change in her and are rightfully devastated.
There is also drug use on his girlfriend's behalf and his and a range of other concerns.
I left the relationship because of his controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour. He knows how vulnerable I am, although I am gaining strength.
My question is am I over reacting about 6 nights being too long?
I just want our daughter to be in a safe, secure and supportive environment.
If I was to take him to court do I have a chance of having our daughter more?
Thanks mummas.
Is 6 nights too much?
Is 6 nights too much?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
7 Replies
If your daughter isn’t coping, she isn’t coping. If there are no court orders in place I’d initiate mediation. Some times it’s enough to make them see reason.
Depends how long the arrangements been in place and if there was ever any other arrangement. If you see her emotional then you're seeing that it's hard on her and that shouldn't be ignored. She saves it up and falls apart back with you because you're her safe space.
Separation is hard on any child, no matter the age. I don't think her anger would be from how they spend that 6 days but more about the fact that it's hard to leave her dad! Any child would prefer to have them in the one place.
How do you know so much about what he does, where he is going aswell as the choices his girlfriend makes?? I ask because if its coming from your daughter, if she's anything like my son, 6yr olds can be quiet the story tellers.
If it gets to the point of going to court, you will need proof to back up all the statements you just made about both the ex and his current girlfriend.
She has never witnessed the drug use. I know his new girlfriend, he didn't meet her through me. I have eye witnesses to the drug use, I have documentation of her asking for drugs. He has also openly admitted it to me. I have everything documented.
For the 5 years of my daughter's life when we were together I was all she really knew. He was in a different job those 5 years but chose to work away, when he was home he wasn't interested in spending time with his daughter or us as a family.
Our daughter has told not only myself but other family members and friends that she's angry because of the above mentioned. She's too scared to say so to him because he gets angry and yells.
He's never been one to be empathetic with anyone, I suffer depression, anxiety and ptsd and he stopped me from getting help for two years.
It sounds like he wants to be a part of her life but currently can't be bothered to put in the time and effort. Unfortunately he's a parent who views children as possessions. Good luck with mediation. Hugs to your daughter.
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Drug use? Other concerns? That’s enough to warrant going to court. If you are sure this is going on- you need to see a lawyer or have the court appoint a child advocate.
You could also try going directly to his GF and talk to her about it..... (keep your friends close and your enemies closer) she might actually have similar issues with her childrens’ father... if the two of you can unite- it will be better for all the kids and imagine how annoyed your ex would be!