My son has been attending the same School since Kindergarten (Tasmania) he is now in Grade 2 and he doesn't have a friendship group or a 'bestie' he seems to be excluded by the other kids, or the 'go to' when there's a falling out and then left behind when the other child has made up with their friend. He's a December baby and quite young compared to some of of the other kids ... he's really unhappy and acting out at School to get attention I believe ... So my question is, are there real benefits to changing Schools? I worry about taking him away from the familiar but at the same time, I don't want him spending his School years as an outcast ... he's a little shy at first but once you get to know him, he really is a kind, respectful boy with a beautiful sense of humor - and I'm not just saying that as his Mum, when we're out socially he's a completely different child to the reports I get from School.
5 Replies
I believe there is a benefit if the child is not happy.
I was a shy, somewhat socially awkward child.
I moved schools in grade 1, grade 5 and again in grade 8.
(Also tasmanian, not that it's relevant just throwing it out there lol).
My parents moved house when i was in grade 1, I could have stayed at that partucular school but for similar reasons that you're giving my parents decided to move me. I never really found my tribe at the new school either, I mean, I talked to the other kids and played alongside them but i wasn't really included as a part of any particular friendship group. I didn't really have the social skills to do anything about it either so i just sort of coasted along.
The beginning of grade 5 i finally found my best friend, we were basically inseperable. As i mentioned above, I ended up moving again so this process all started grom scratch but my point is not all kids find their place at school right away but that doesn't mean they won't ever.
I moved again in high school because i begged my mum to let me, i was basically being bullied relentlessly. Again, changing schools really didn't help, i just ended up dealing with all the same shit with a change of scenery. Albeit, i did find a group of "friends", only problem was they were not a great group of people.
I've probably rambled a bit here but my overall point is that sometimes moving schools is just a band aid fix but that's just my perspective, I'm sure there are lots of people who moved schools and flourished.
I will say though, if you do want to move him, sooner rather than later would be better. Changing schools as a shy kid later in primary school where friendship groups are already well established and those pre teen hormones come into play can be complete Hell.
I think changing schools has it's benefits for the right circumstances.
How is he academically? How does he feel about friendships and what have you done to foster future relationships? (i.e. invited people over, encouraged games etc). It's important to find out why and how he can make future friendships as otherwise he will just be in the same predicament at the new school however will probably struggle more so because he doesn't have familiarity to turn to (and people could see him as the "naughty" new kid if he acts out).
I was a bit of a loner child, I never fit in with a certain group or had a close group of friends. I moved schools however that was for academic reasons and I could never seem to hold down friendships as people moved onto the next bigger and better thing. Continued through that school up until the final years where I switched to be closer to home and made some excellent lifelong friends at the new school.. wish I had have moved sooner (had been asking for a long time).
I changed my child's schools for this exact reason and it has been the best decision we have ever made. It has been a term now and the improvement has been massive and she is much happier.
Thank you for the replies here and on facebook, whilst I understand the obvious 'unhappy then move' I also know how hard he has been working this year academically and I believe that's a reflection on his current teacher - who he absolutely adores - he has come a long way in that sense and it's been such an improvement compared to previous years.
I have made an appointment for him to see a counsellor to try and nut out his behavioural issues.
I guess what I really hope to do is work on solutions to fix the problem, not just move it ... it's been really great to read your opinions, especially the ones that genuially relate either with yourself or with your own children... Thank you ❤