Family drama


Family drama

So about 12 months ago my mum syarted dating a guy. He instantly gave a "feeling".

I brushed it off because I'm not one to judge a person i just met off a feeling i can't articualte.
Having said that, my mum has dated some real drop kicks in the past, none of whom have given me this same vibe. I have also always prided myself on my judge of character, I'm very rarely wrong about my perception of people so i didn't dismiss this feeling entirely.

This guy seems to have very little grasp on social etiquette. Over the last 12 months he's accidentally insulted every member of my family. For example, he called my grandmother a fucking bitch jokingly when they were giving each other a bit of a ribbing about NRL teams.
He constantly says inappropriate things at family events and always seems to create a scene (usually over nothing), much to the horror of an 80 year old friend of the family (she's a very proper church going lady). I am constantly reminding him to watch his language and tales of debauchery around my kids, don't get me wrong, my husband and i aren't that conservative and my kids certainly hear the odd profanity but this guy takes it way too far. Every second word is an F or C Bomb and his tales are of loose women and his drunken stupidity.
He speaks to my mother like absolute shit, not even caring that we are all around (it makes me wonder what she puts up with behind closed doors).
Literally no one in my family like him, which is saying something because my family is generally pretty welcoming.
This is really just the tip of the iceberg, but i dont want to be here all day.

All this i could tolerate and I've long since learned not to get involved in my mums poorly chosen relationships.


A few weeks ago i found out that he lumped his extensive collection of porn VHS tapes on to my adult cousin. Because in his words, the pawn shop wouldn't take them and "johnny" is the only person in the world who still uses a VHS player.

Under normal circumstances, I'd be like, ugh, gross but not my business.

My cousin is in his late 30s, legally hes a grown man. However, he is on the spectrum and has several intellectual disabilities, which means he functions at about the level of a 10 year old boy.
To give you an idea, his favourite things are childrens colouring or activity books, lego, hotwheels cars and typically watches animated childrens movies like Shrek. It's quite obvious when you speak to him that he's quite childlike in many ways, he gets embarrassed and giggles if there's a passionate kissing scene on Home and Away, let alone porn!

My mum and her boyfriend didn't see the big deal, my aunt and uncle (who are my cousins full time carers) were rightfully furious, as am I.

My mum thinks I'm being unreasonable for not letting her and the boyfriend (they live together) have my kids for sleep overs and take the kids for "outings" on their own. I have enforced this since i met the guy, this new development just nailed to coffin shut.
So naturally, I'm the worst person in the world.

Im not backing down on this because i feel like this is some predator shit and i really don't trust my mums judgement when it comes to men.

She's marrying this one and won't hear a bad word about him. God knows my grandparents have tried to get her to see sense!

His presence is making me not even want to go to family events anymore because of my dislike of this man and that "feeling" is now overwhelming.

This has probably come out more as a vent than a question but i just don't know what to do about all this and i hate that this guy is creating tensions in our family that used to be very close, there now feels like there's a huge divide.

I dunno, i guess im after thoughts, reassurance or validation?!

Thanks for reading if you got this far anyway xx

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour, Aspergers & Autism, FAQ

6 Replies


Totally reasonable and fair for you to feel that way!

I’d be distancing myself too. If you want to catch up with your family then catch up privately.

It’s really crappy situation that your mum has created here. I think your mum has to learn that there is consequences to her actions. She doesn’t seem to understand that. You not being available to her as much is one of those consequences.


People don’t see it while they are in it... you just have to watch Dirty John.

I would absolutely follow your gut on this one sweetheart! We don’t get a second chance at protecting our children!

Sending you strength!


My mother has made these poor choices my whole life, it resulted in me being violently molested by one or her friends. Apparently she thought something was “off” but couldn’t put her finger on the “vibe” he was giving off. It didn’t change a thing. She went straight back to brining strangers home from the pub and having them in our home, looking after us ect. I am now in my 30s with 4 of my own children and she is still living the same bullshit life, with the same drop kicks. She wont see it and change until she is ready, sadly she may never be ready. But that is her choice and her life to live. Please do not leave either of them with your children, you only get one chance to protect your babies.


Go with your gut, he sounds like an absolute creep!

He sounds like he may be abusive behind closed doors. Speak to your mum on her own let her know if she needs you, you will be there anytime but you won’t be around him anymore and you are looking out for your family and her.

Explain to her how much you love her and it’s because you care about her but you need to keep away now as you don’t like him & give her the honest reasons why.

Deep down she will know but deny it anyway.

Then cut ties with him, don’t attend anything with him involved, same with the rest of the family who don’t like him. Have nothing to do with him.

He sounds like a sick man


Always always always trust your instincts, that's what saves us!

Be honest with your mother, try to get her alone as much as posible, as abusers rely on isolating their victims, keep in contact with her, but don't put you or your kids anywhere near this fuckhead!!


Don’t ever dismiss your “gut feeling” it’s your intuition telling you something is not right. You’ll just have to ride it out. Keep your distance and stand your ground. It may take years but eventually your mum will see the light.