Husbands drinking am I being unreasonable ?

Anonymous

Husbands drinking am I being unreasonable ?

My husband has recently been drinking a lot more than usual. A while back he was drinking so much he would pass out where ever he was,
standing, on the counter, the couch, but always says it’s cause he is tired not cause of the drinking. It got to the point where our young child said mummy what’s wrong with daddy is he dead! That was a wake up call for my husband and he stopped drinking as much. Then after this he began to say he was depressed (my brother suffers badly from depression and at times will not leave the house or his room, and I was very worried about him hurting himself). My husband would still want to go out go and party and references missing the old days (partying) a lot. I told him to go see a doctor, he did and was put on medication. The medication has helped his anger, as he would have outbursts of anger over small things and tell me he resents me. But he is slowly started drinking more and more and is currently drinking large amount while taking the medication. a whole carton of beer every weekend If not more. When we first got married he would come home from work straight away now days he is always having drinks with the boys after work. On more than one occasion I believe he has more than he should to be driving, and he always tells me I’m being silly. Then on a Friday he has drinks after work buys a carton of beer (and he now buys the strongest beer his latest carton was 1.7 standards drinks per beer), and then comes home and drinks till he passes out. The next day he is always fine and he never has a hangover and tends to drink at least 12-14 beers every Saturday night. I am also studying and working whilst trying to keep
The household running and am under a lot of stress. I also understand he has more on his plate now with needing to help me more wish kids cause I am studying, but that’s why I think I have given him so much leeway with the drinking. Now I’m at the point where i’m over his constant behaviour of drinking till he passes out, but he tells me I am being stupid and he does not have a problem.

*update *

He has been drinking about 5 out of 7 days a week. I don't ever doubt his depression out loud. I just wonder how truthful he is being about his feelings, as he tends to over exaggerate things and I have caught him out lying about things all the time, it's scary how easily he lies. I've always just known he likes to tell tall stories. We had a big talk and he finally agreed with me to tone down the drinking(only after someone else said something to him at work apparently). He said he would only buy a 6 pack on the weekend,s and no beers during the week. So this weekend he was good only had 4 beers then went to gym 3 times this week but then comes home tonight smashed said he had 8 beers and drank 3 more when he got home. I'm supposed to be working on my assignment but after making dinner, getting kids bathed and to bed I'm exhausted and now I can't sleep, as he is currently passed out and snoring so loud I cannot sleep. I don't know what to do anymore he is making my life so much harder right now. Do I ask for some space or give him a break cause he is trying? It's not the first time we have been through this so I'm at a loss at what to do. If we didn't have kids I would not be here anymore I know that for sure. Another thing is money is tight at the moment but he always makes sure the first thing he does when he gets paid is to buy beer before bills, food, petrol ?? School fees and daycare fees come out my pay and I pay all the bills (out of his pay) because he is terrible with money, and if I pay all the bills and there is not much money left he has a go at me like it's my fault. I hardly spend any money on my self he is buying clothing and shoes almost weekly on afterpay and buys me expensive gifts for anniversaries and birthday that we can't afford and then leaves me to sort out the budget and bills. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I just feel really lost right now.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

5 Replies

Anonymous

He has a big problem. You are being too nice in my opinion.

Firstly he is drinking huge amounts.

Secondly alcohol is a depressant, and shouldn’t be mixed at such high levels with medication for depression. Any GP/psychologist/psychiatrist would say keep drinking to an absolute minimum.

Honestly it sounds like he has a case of I want to be single.

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Anonymous

So the first question I have to ask is what is he like during the week? Does he drink Monday to Friday? If not, whilst I think that a whole carton in a weekend isn't great (particularly for his health) it would suggest that it is more likely a 'blowing off steam'/'wish I was still kid and care free' scenario as opposed to an alcohol addiction scenario. He needs to accept he is a dad and husband and needs to be a functioning member of your family 7 days a week not just Monday to Friday! He may have depression (you don't need to be as bad as your brother to be depressed and unwell) but alcohol is a depressant and so is counterproductive and is not recommended for those being treated for depression. It also shouldn't matter if you are studying or not you are supposed to work together as a team to raise your child and keep your household running.

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Anonymous

Is he drinking like this every night? Or is it just on the weekends? It’s a little much to be drinking over a weekend and he definitely shouldn’t be driving over the limit. He may be depressed, not everybody with depression is house/bed bound. Also how is your relationship in general. From the information that you have given it more seems like he isn’t happy with his life. May want to go back to being single and care free. He needs to make a choice on what life he actually wants.

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Anonymous

I had a shithead like that too. I put u p with way more than I should have as well. You already have too. Start looking after yourself, raise that bar back up, for you and your son.

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Anonymous

You are not being unreasonable. Drinking that much and until he passes out is not good. Your husband is an alcoholic. Do some research so you get an understanding of this disease. The number one thing is denial and he will not do anything unless he chooses to admit he has a problem and gets help himself. You need to look after yourself and your child so please go and see a professional for some practical advice. Hugs xo

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