My son is 12 years old, he started high school this year and his best friend went to another high school. He had another friend that he went to primary school with and also plays sport with that also went to another high school. Since starting high school he seems to have made a few new friends but never sees them out of school. He still sees his best friend every few weeks but it is school holidays and they have been away so he has only seen him once. He tried to make plans with his other friend but the other friend cancelled. We encouraged him to branch out and ask a new friend from school to go to the movies, the new friend said he was busy. I'm really feeling for my son and want to help him improve his confidence in making new friends at school and socialise with them out of school. I'm not great at making new friends and I don't want him to not have new friends to hang out with. He told me that he doesn't like asking people to do things in case they say no, but people are also not asking him. Any suggestions on how to help him?
5 Replies
It can be so hard to get them out of that little shell, I'd encourage him to ask someone to go see the new Spiderman movie as opposed to just hanging out. Showing he is into something a majority of other teen boys should help him to find and connect on some level (even if he doesn't really enjoy it to begin with).
Thank you. He did actually ask his new friend to go see a movie but he said he was busy.
That's a shame :(
Is there any other kids in the class that potentially don't have any closer friends that he could reach out to, even someone he hasn't really talked to too much? Otherwise, I would encourage him that once school starts back to organise to catch up with a mate on the weekend in advance and try and connect through whatever sport it is he plays/loves :)
In high school it takes a bit longer than primary school. It’s pretty normal for your social circle to drop off in high school for the first year, and then grow gradually over time.
Don’t push. It will happen over time. Asking teens to catch up, go to a movie etc when the relationship isn’t there yet can turn teenagers off.
Year 7 (or first year of high school) is tough, especially as in your sons situation where his best mates went off to different schools.
It is only 6 months into the year, it takes time to adjust and it's quite possible he just hasn't found his circle yet. Generally in year 8 they can start taking electives and that broadens their friendship possibilities too.
Sounds like you've given him the tools, you kind of just need to sit back and let him navigate this life stage. It's good practice for adulthood, that's when we're generally faced with new social settings most often 😊