Ok so i have been split with the ex 4yrs now. We have 2 kids together. I also have my older daughter he has taken on and he has 3older sons to 3 other women. His eldest son who is 19yrs lives with me not his mum or father. Its just a better homelife for him.
Anyway. So in the last 4yrs the ex has had several gfs and introduced his other kids to them. They have told the oldest son who is with me they hate going through this again and again, he doesnt listen to the kids. The first serious one was my best friend of 18yrs. Tore the kids up mentally asking why is daddy with mummys best friend. He messaged me and said cant see the kids until further notice and stopped his over night visits a few mths after the split. He would do sporadic visits with the kids until i said enough stop visiting so irrgularly. Phone the kids more and show more of an active role or nothing. He opted for nothing for a few mths. His mental stability started to show cracks going up and down at this point. So he ended up seeing them on and off no commitment again after saying he was going to make more of an effort. Until one day I said right this time, this spot, for this long or not at all ever again. You dont crawl in screw the kids up and leave me to fix the mess you make. He started proper regular contact. Except for fortnightly he changed to every 3weeks visits. The next woman who he bi$%hed about how her sons steals, breaks stuff in the house, pretty much her son commits domestic violence against his mum. The ex didnt want the kids to meet them so supervised visits continued as they were. He ended up leaving that relationship. He started doing great. Taking meds for depression, anxiety and PTSD. Started seeing a regular pyschologist. He genuinely started to get mentally better.
Great, some direction right?! Though some of his choices werent the best though. He had a female housemate that has a warrant out for her arrest for stealing his stuff and pawning it. As well as stealing his older kids stuff. He knew she had a drug problem she claimed she was clean. Guess who wasnt clean. He has introduced his older kids to a dufferent lady he called crazy. They slept together and she started demanding he call and talk to her during visits. Demanded he change his relationship status on fb. Profile to include her. Just possessive and unhinged. He wasnt even dating this woman. This was a fuck frienf ge introduced to his teen sons. I mean trying to explain you cant expose young children to these types of people especially if your not doing well falls on deaf ears. So still no unsupervised visits.
This is the basic non in depth story unfortuneately. He has done worse. Anyway since he was doing well he helped me move, cut toxic people he knew he shouldnt mess with, i started trusting him with the kids unsupervised. Then he said something to me that unnerved me. He told me how he has/had been googling how to kill himself. What drugs to take so even if he was found, he knew he would die anyway. He says to me "so i know what drug to take, how much to take and where to get it from to commit suicide. Even if im found i know im dead". He said he did it before i left him unsupervised with the kids, but i cant ve sure. Man i feel so much parental guilt for leaving the kids with a man that quite possible commit suicide and they could be the ones to find him. This is now a fear of mine. I stopped unsupervised visits again. In the mean time he stopped his psychologist appts. He had a regular every 3week appt booked. Now gone. He was doing like charity runs and stuff in the community for mental health he isnt. He has a new gf of 4mths(now) but he moved her in with him straight away. Dont get me wrong she could be a nice lady. But my kids arent there to see her, she isnt responsible for our kids, nor have they even met this woman yet. He has no idea and jumps into stuff without even thinking.
After I stopped the unsupervised visits, his ex dropped her son off to me as i live closer tk her and the ex was coming to see the younger kids. She informed me he had been telling his 15yr old mentally delayed son(he is a few yrs behind his physical age) that he wanted to kill himself. She said it was a few weeks earlier. Now add on even bigger parental guilt. If he slips back mentally could he tell our younger kids(10 and 6) he is going to kill himself. Even if he doesnt do it. What are the repercussions on the kids?!?! Skip to a few mths and now he is asking to have the kids over night next week for school holidays. Its been well oh god id say a good 2yrs since he has done that and that was before all this other stuff.
Im legitmately lost in this. How do I tell him no? We have no court orders he failed mediation for not turning up? I just dont know what to do? Excuse the long story. There is honestly a lot more to this but this is the current wtf am i doing.