I cannot stand who my husband becomes when he drinks. In the early years of our marriage we were very fitness focused so barely ever drank so it wasn’t really an issue, but lately my husband has started having a drink or two after work to unwind....at least that’s what he plans.
He will often end up finishing a bottle of wine in an evening, or a 6-12 pack of beers. He doesn’t drink often, usually 2 or 3 times a week, but when he does he basically finishes all alcohol in the house.
This would all be fine if he became a happy tipsy, but he becomes argumentative, (and his arguments are stupid circular reasoning where he will contradict himself), boastful and rather mean. It’s like my wise, caring husband gets replaced by a nasty little schoolboy. He becomes oblivious to chores or parenting and just wants to yarn on about his glory days.
He is not like this whatsoever when he’s fully sober. He is a kind, compassionate, thoughtful person and I feel quite destabilised once he starts drinking as it doesn’t feel like I’m talking to my husband.
I think he has some issues around alcohol, but he thinks he’s fine because the quantities are so small and he doesn’t actually get drunk, just rather tipsy.
I want him to go to therapy to see if he can find some other ways to unwind that don’t involve this personality change.
Is this a good solution? Has anyone else experienced something similar and can shed some light on things?
I feel like drinking brings out some unresolved issues from his past which I would love to help him deal with but when he’s sober he tries really hard to think of what the trigger could be and comes up blank, but when he’s been drinking he is such an annoying brick wall to talk to I don’t even bother anymore.
5 Replies
I would call that drunk. I think to help him you have to stop minimising. Also the quantities are not small. We have become really desensitised to alcohol in this country. He is actually drinking a large amount. 12 beers in one night is A LOT!
So personally I’d start calling it what it is.
I think counselling would be helpful and finding a healthier way to unwind. Maybe fitness related would be helpful.
Alcohol is a depressant and changes how the brain functions and stops logical thoughts and so until he changes his drinking, his behaviour and thoughts will remain.
He's a drunk. You are minimising his drinking problem. Open your eyes woman!!!!!
Getting drunk like that and outburst always has a reason behind it.
I agree, find out what is issue is. Is he stuck in his life atm and wants to live it differently? There must be some frustration behind it and I think it needs solving. Alcohol is sometimes just a call for help
Girl, polishing off all the alcohol in the house 2 to 3 times a week is the exact opposite of "not often".
Also 6 to 12 beers is drunk, it's certainly not a small amount of alcohol.
If alcohol causes you problems then you have a problem with alcohol.
We need to get rid of this notion that alcoholism = falling down, black out drunk, covered in your own piss and vomit.
Alcoholism is much more broad than what people perceive it to be.
So, i think you both need to get real with this. I think you know there's a problem but you're both minimising it. Look at it for what it is and encourage him to get some professional help to cut the grog and find more healthy coping mechanisms.
My husband is a functioning alcoholic, their behaviour gets worse not better and more frequent. I’ve been trying to convince him to stop drinking or get help for years but more and more I’m realising that his addiction comes first always no matter how sorry he is for hurting my feelings the next morning the second he’s not busy with work he is back to drinking , if you’re husband is willing to get help encourage it but if he won’t believe me his drinking and behaviour will only get worse