After a long time of being single, I started dating someone. I had known his family previously and we got along well. This man had been in a bad relationship previously and as a result, his entire family were hurt and had trust issues. From the moment we became official, his mother in particular (who used to be great to me) became rude towards me, wouldn't make eye contact, barely made conversation and was trying to control aspects of our relationship and was basically interfering in things that had nothing to do with her. I loved this man and tried to persist in the hope that my relationship with his family would get better over time, but time and time again he would stand by and allow his family to treat me badly and with disrespect. In the end, I had to leave the relationship which broke my heart. I find myself questioning whether I gave up too soon or was I right to leave when I did. How do others deal with 'in laws' when the partner wont stand up for you and support you? Id like to think that one day i will fall in love again and have the happy ever after, but I am still quite hurt that he didn't support me when it really mattered.
5 Replies
You 100% did the right thing. You had no choice, and he gave you no choice. He allowed his family to treat you like shit, and by default treated you the same.
Relationships are hard enough, but when a guy allows family or friends to treat there partner badly then its doomed from the get go.
Sometimes you just have to love and respect yourself more.
Nah, sounds like you dodged a bullet.
From my experience and the countless posts on this page about horrible in-laws, this behaviour tends to get worse over time.
Don't feel bad because you respect yourself enough to walk away from people who don't treat you right.
I bet the previous "bad relationship" had nothing to do with his partner and everything to do with his mother interfering and him not doing anything about it.
I'm sure you will fall in love again. It sucks, recently I had a similar situation. Maybe some counselling could help you move through the grief of losing trust, respect of your partner and having to walk away. You have done the right thing and if he hasn't been persistent and tried to get you back, he isn't worth the stress!
Gosh I feel for you on this front. I too have issues with husband not standing up for me and our kids when it comes to his mother. My issue isn’t as bad as what you have described, but it is a toll on me personally and therefore on our relationship. I don’t know how to solve it. There are some good books out there about boundaries that might be worth reading. And no, I don’t think you should have stayed, as I don’t think he would have changed.