Is it just me (and maybe it is me) but does anyone else find life quite lonely once you have kids? I feel like it's sometimes weeks between phone calls or even messages from friends and I can't recall the last time I was asked to come to a social event just me, but a playdate or family function.
I know we are all busy, and all of my friends are mums and some work fulltime as well, but I don't understand why no one wants t oo catch up any more. I'm not talking big drunken nights on the town every week, but even a monthly dinner or coffee would be nice. I'm really struggling to understand what's happened to my friendships. I think I'm a kind and tolerant person and I am fine with initiating catch-ups, but no one seems keen anymore. Is this a 'life's too busy when you have kids' thing, or a me thing?
Friendships when you're a parent
Friendships when you're a parent
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
I dont know the solution but definitely not alone.
I'm entering my 4th week of maternity leave tomorrow, waiting for the arrival now and not my first child.
Not one friend has come to visit employed or unemployed. Even the ones that were waiting to catch up for when I wasnt working. It's a little heartbreaking.
In my normal (not pregnant) life I have a large social life but I'm the 'I've made these plans be here at this time' friend, so maybe that's something worth trying :)
Are you making the effort to get in touch with your friends or invite them out? Remember friendships are a two way street. If all of your friends are parents as well they will now have different priorities. For some families catching up without children isn't an option for various reasons- my husband and I literally had our first night out since before my almost 4 year old was born last night simply because the stars haven't aligned to allow it until now. Friendships change and evolve like all relationships so if your friendships from before having kids are no longer fulfilling maybe you need to consider looking for some different friends particularly if you are craving interaction without children present - maybe a sport or hobby??
Personally I have found that since having kids my social life is as busy if not more so - I have made a whole different set of friends as I became a parent before many of my other friends but I still see or speak to my friends without kids a couple of times a month.
I was really struggling as well, but I've made some great friends in the past few years. Friends I socialise with, whose partners have the kids so we can do things, or we all socialise, or we do things with the kids or have drinks while all the kids play.
You need to invite.people to do the things you want to do, otherwise you get stuck in that coffee/playdate click. There are lots of mums that also don't enjoy doing that.
Oh and I also have a few friends that I chat with. Ones a mum of babies so always online. Ones an old friend, no kids, and we send each other memes and talk shit, ones an old school friend, we just catch up and talk about the weather where we are and what a going on lately with each other etc.
Find the people that fill your needs, and don't be scared to move on from the ones that don't.
You are not alone.
Was just about to ask a similar question.
It always seem to be me who is trying to make plan or even check in with my friends but they are busy and some work full time I understand how busy it’s can get but there is only so much I can try to make contact.
I feel so lonely that at times I cry and wonder what the hell I did wrong we used to be so close but it feels like I am not good enough anymore.
So you are not alone and I have no idea to fit it....so sorry I am no help just know you are not alone.
Thanks Elita. I feel exactly the same. Always the one reaching out and people saying no, too busy, wait until school hols etc. I'm a teacher and really busy, so are most of my teacher friends, but I'm not interested in allowing my job to prevent me from social outings for 10 weeks at a time!!
I think this is so common and across the board for so many mums! I feel like because I'm not spontaneously available anymore people just don't bother. I can't go see a movie at 8.30 when you text me at 7pm asking me to join you, or go on a drive at midnight for you to vent anymore. So they only ask to make me feel included or just don't bother anymore.
I was invited to absolutely nothing with my friends for the last 6 months whilst they were having brunch every weekend and happily uploading photos to socials, yet I announce I am pregnant and I've been invited out each weekend to go drinking (clearly because they know I can't come)!!!
Definitely not alone there! 😆 I have the usual busy load too but still reach out the others a lot to chat or meet up but find everyone is too busy. I’ve never really had such a dull social life than I do now! There are no issues with myself or my kids that I can see 🤔 I am a single parent too and don’t have family around so it can get quite lonely.
I’m wondering if it is this day and age of the busy world and technology? But then I, like you, aren’t asking to catch up long or often. Or could it be that everyone has family activities? But then I do see some people having friendly BBQs etc. And honestly, I’m not a psycho having no friends I promise 😂
I do hope things improve for you.
I think nowadays everyone is just so busy all the time, life feels like one giant rush around. Especially when working and juggling a house and kids that when its comes to being social no one can be bothered! Sad but I think that is the issue with most busy families these days. You have a free minute you just want to chill on the lounge and have some quiet for a bit.
Maybe try and make a friendship group once a month (last Saturday of the month) kind of catch up thing and maybe once your friends start doing it, they'll enjoy themselves and commit to it continuing.
I am always the organiser and instigator of catch ups with all my friends and even family, its just my thing that I do. Maybe take charge and make them get their shit together !