Is being a “home owner” the ultimate life goal? or being happy where you live?

This may be a little all over the place as I am literally still awake at 6am after spending most of the night having an anxiety attack. Please bear with me if you can as I need some help with a decision. As a 40ish single parent of 3 teen boys, I have worked so hard for 10 years to support them solely on my own. (death of other parent). Whilst married, partner had lots of issues, including drug abuse and major gambling, We always struggled to pay the rent. He passed shortly after we separated and it was very unexpected….. (He left nothing behind, including super due to working for cash for many years).
After lots of hard work, up to 3 jobs at a time and working all days and all hours, I was able to buy our little house in 2012, for a great price, just before the market took off. Fast forward 7 years til now. I’m miserable and I want to sell up. The place is too small. 2 youngest boys (13 and 15- who is on the spectrum) are still sharing and it is becoming increasingly difficult with them sharing such a small space. It’s a nightmare and non stop arguing when they are home. Bedtimes are enough to drive me to drink! I’ve done what I can over the years to improve the place, new carpets and blinds, air conditioning and floorboards as well as a paint throughout, but we have simply outgrown the place. Things really need to be updated, like the kitchen and bathroom as they are old and worn and look awful. My yard is still dirt and grass as Ive not had the money to do it. I am always trying to keep the place tidy, there is no storage, 1 bathroom and one living area. Over the coming years, it will need a substantial amount of money thrown at it to be updated. Money I don’t and wont have, and even then it is still too small. Council would neve approve and extension because it’s a small townhouse, one of 6 in a row that are identical and my block is too small.
I still live week to week. I simply cannot save. I have no credit cards or loans (apart from mortgage which is 270K). My sons go to a private school which costs a lot but I feel it’s essential for them, and they are all doing well there. They eat A LOT (250 per week on food). Youngest is 13, oldest is 18 and they are all over 6 feet 2 tall. The cost of my sons speech therapy and medication and paediatrician is also a huge burden. They have extra activities after school also. So every week, after mortgage, shopping, school fees, bills, pocket monies, etc I am hanging out for pay day again. It just doesn’t end, and I am tired. I work a minimum of 5 days and week, but usually 6 or 7. I have to finish work at home because I have so much to do. I have no where to work, and type many hours whilst sitting on my bed. The financial pressure on me has been immense and has been for many many years.
I didn’t realise how tired until the past 12 months when I have noticed the physical and mental impact that the pressure of life is having on me. I am quite depressed and have isolated myself from my friends. I will chat on messenger and throw in a smiley face for good measure and apologise for being so busy that we cant catch up. I haven’t been out socially for over 12 months. For 2 reasons, money and not in the mood for fake chit chat because I don’t want to talk about all my worries. I don’t really sleep, I am constantly worried about unexpected costs coming up, and trying to get another shift to get those few extra dollars for school shoes or rego or car service etc. No matter how I try, I can scrape through and make ends meet, but never get in front. My teeth are beginning to wear as I grind them so much and clench unknowingly and my front bottom teeth are loose from doing it in my sleep, Im waiting for the day I wake up and they fall out, my blood pressure and cortisol levels are through the roof, I have a constant headache and really just cry a lot. Im just so overwhelmed about everything.
When I am home, I am cooking cleaning and washing or working. The boys help but there is still so much for me to do in between everything else. I have never had a break from the kids in the 10 years I have been on my own. Never. Family support is minimal to none.
So to summarise 😊 I want to sell and move to a brand new bug rental. Pay 2 years rent up front. Move in, separate all the boys in their own rooms, have a home office, reduce my hours working to learn about and start my own small business, have some funds to get started (approx. 5K), buy a new car and invest the rest. I owe 270k and could sell for around the 500k mark.
I just feel I need to hit the brakes for a while. Im sick of working and seeing nothing come from it. I have worked so hard for so long and Im a miserable cow. The boys might get some money from this place when I finally die, but in the meanwhile, their mother is just not the mum she wants to be. I want to enjoy life and enjoy the kids. But I am always on the back foot. The bank wont lend me the money for a bigger mortgage, and that’s not something I want to commit too at this point in time. I worry I will never get the chance again, but in the meantime, we just aren’t happy living here anymore. My pros and cons list is done and the pros out way the cons by about 10 dot points.
I want to sell, move into a rental, and maybe update my awful old furniture, take my kids on a well deserved holidays, they’ve had a tough time since their father died and Ive tried my best to keep them on track, but Im sick of being broke, counting up coins for petrol even though I work my guts out. I know my business would be very successful if I can learn the business aspects and in 5 years I could really be living comfortably. As it stands, I don’t have the time or energy to even know where to start. Ive never really had a dollar to my name…. so the 250K approx. I would walk away with would make a HUGE difference in our lives, I could take a breather, sort myself out mentally and physically and just spend some time being a mum.
Stay here and be content with how the house is, unable to save or borrow to do whats needed to make it look nice and make me proud of it, which is also a waste of money because its simply too small, or sell up and rent something big and beautiful, close to the kids school so they don’t have to catch a bus at 7am and not get back home til 5pm, that we would enjoy living in, and have our own spaces, more family time and a happy mum……at the risk of not having the chance to be a home owner again?