Hey Ladies!
So my husband moved out a week ago and hasn’t made contact with me. I’m thinking he might not be back like this is the end of the relationship. I’m not sure how to feel as he wasn’t talking to me for a few months prior and now he just doesn’t live here, I don’t really have any closure on this relationship and if I ask him I probably won’t get an answer, he hasn’t been answering relationship questions for maybe a year now. What would you do in this situation? Do you think he will be back?
Husband moved out
Husband moved out
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
16 Replies
I think he left your relationship over a year ago and has just been going through the motions until he couldn’t physically do it anymore. I doubt he will be back or that you will get any closure. Maybe you didn’t realise how he was feeling all that time ago and now he has well and truely checked out. I would probably go and get an std check from your gp, because if he has been this unhappy and just staying because he felt obligated too then he was most likely seeing someone else. If you don’t have kids I would just let him go.
Sometimes in life we don't get the answers and clean cut end to things we would like, sure some explanation on his part would be nice but you said yourself he's unlikely to give you one.
You need to give yourself permission to accept that he won't be back and move on, that's when you'll find your closure.
If you have children, obviously you'll both need to discuss parenting plans and custody/visitation arrangements.
We have a son and I’m currently in our home but don’t work so it’s a bit stressful in a sense what will happen to bills and things as I don’t even know how they are paid. I’ve tried asking him what will happen but he hasn’t responded. I feel it’s a little childish since he has a family. Happy if he wants to leave but there is a way to do it.
You need to go to centrelink and find out what payments you can apply for. Its really sad how hes done this so you have no idea if your power or anything is getting paid?
You have to get proactive now and sort your self out as a single woman. Don't leave Any thing to him or to what if, you do what you have to do to take care of it.
Firstly, does anybody know where he is? If not you need to report him as missing.
Secondly, I don't think you will get any answers out of him. He sounds like someone who just can't face the music and would rather walk away without explaining anything. Thats selfish of him because you are now just left hanging. You should send him a goodbye message, not for him but for you so you have closure and can grieve the relationship and get on with your life. Just saying its upsetting it hasn't worked out between you and although you have attempted to find and fix the problem it wasn't possible. Have a nice life.
You haven't mentioned any kids? A bit more complex if you do have them and I hope he chooses to be a part of their life.
I’d say he is gone for good. If he does come back you shouldn’t let him walk back in.
If you haven’t heard from him, then contact one of his friends or relatives to find out if they have heard from him. State you just want to check he is ok. If they don’t reply or you don’t have any contacts then call the police and report him as missing. They will try to locate him so at least you know he is ok.
Talk to Centrelink about emergency payments. Ask to speak to a social worker. If you are renting, let the real estate agent know what has happened. I’d also check the bank accounts.
If you are renting it’s probably an inconvenient but relatively simple process. If he was buying the house and it’s in both your names that’s more complex.
His Facebook is active so must be okay and his work hasn’t called
Or anything. He owns the house we live in and also pays all the bills, we don’t share a bank account we have our own. It’s more just I need to know if he is coming back or going forward do I move out, look for a job etc? I’m just in an unknowing
Yes, you need to move out. Yes, you need an income. Wether that’s parenting payment, a job or what ever you need to get your own income.
The income should be your top priority. Then somewhere else to live wether a place on your own or with family/friends.
Moving forward with these things will help you process what has happened.
You already know he isn’t coming back. I’m sorry he is a coward and not saying anything, but actions speak louder than words. He doesn’t want to be with you.
Oh lovely, it sounds like he is over and out unfortunately.
And even if he does come back, do you really want a man who treats you and your child like this?
My approach would be to not pander on him or ask questions, instead.. demand. So send him a message outlining what the future holds and you call the shots.
As in:
"Moving forward, we need to start finalising the future. We need to put son's name first and foremost. I will remain in the home at present and due to me not working, I expect that you'll continue paying the bills until we sort things out amicably. As everything is in your name, if you default then it will be your problem. I will have a majority of custody of son's name and you can have him on these days/times. We will need to seek a solicitor to help us prepare the divorce and reach a settlement and I would also like to attend mediation to discuss the future of son's name. We will organise child support via government collection as opposed to private collection."
I know this is harsh and nasty, however when you start making demands he'll more than likely start taking this seriously and get back to you.
You need everything written down so that you can show your side of things if need be.
As for why things didn't work out, it may be something that you won't ever get closure on and to deal with this, I encourage that you seek out a psychologist just for your own well-being :)
Oh wow. Unfortunately, no answer is the answer sometimes. It's cruel and unusual, and you deserve better, but it happens. My friends husband went to the shop for smokes and never came back. He actually moved overseas.
It fucks with you, and will take extra to come to terms with and recover from. Take care of yourself.
Probably best to stay in the house until you get yourself sorted a bit more. Contact the bank. Go to Centrelink apply for family tax benefit and parenting payment single. Contact child support too. Electricity takes a long time to be disconnected, so u could either wait for a bill or contact the electricity company yourself if you know who they are. Contacting a solicitor is a really good idea you may be entitled to some of the house - if it's sold. Really tricky situation he has left you in. Doesn't sound like he is coming back - if he did would you want him back? Sounds like he may have been financially abusive? Would love to know more info, like how old your son is, how long you have been married etc. Wishing you luck, you can do this! Whether you get closure or not!
The question is why the actual fuck would you want him back?
Stay in the house, he hasn't asked for money so it's rent free. If the bills are in his name I'd actually ignore those for a little while too.
During this, don't just sit and wait. Pack his shit up and put it in the garage or send it to his family.
Contact Centrelink for help right now, get yourself sorted in regards to applying for work and don't be afraid to reach out for help with budgeting, paying bills etc. It's not hard but if you don't know how you have to learn, hell find someone you know that looks to have their financials in order and ask for advice, most people aren't such arseholes that they won't show you some basics. Simple stuff like how to pay a BPay bill, how to set up accounts etc. If the household bills aren't in your name you won't be able to access any account details like requesting current bills if they're still unpaid. hopefully they were kept up to date so you might have 2-3 months to get on your feet and ready to move out into your own place.
Sorry 😢
Good ideas already here. Let it go, accept his decisions and get support for yourself. Apply for legal aid as there is a child and financials involved, apply for Centrelink payments but everything else like bills, in his name, currently not your problem until he communicates to you about it. Look at getting work, prepare for the worst so that you are ready for whatever happens. That’s a lot of misbehaviour on his part, leave it with him and work on handling your difficult situation with intelligence not your hurt emotions. Go to therapy for the emotions, relationships Aus is good for that. Keep him accountable by claiming your share of your family resources. Please update us and get support around you. Why didn’t you leave him if he’s been treating you this way, it sounds like he was trying to push you away and has given up now by just leaving. Sooo rude and disrespectful!
You need to go to centrelink and get that paperwork started.
I would call his work and make sure he is turning up and isn't in any danger. If he is turning up and he isn't hurt or anything like that then yes your relationship is over.
My guess is he has some arse on the side and has chosen that life. Very sad and im sorry this has happened but you need stay in that house until you hear otherwise and get your affairs in order incase he comes back and wants you out.
Cut contact with him he is totally disrespecting you. He is leaving you hanging and it’s all in his hands. He knows you’ll be there anytime he wants. Cut him off..! Find someone who appreciates you. Stop wasting time on him.