I have 2 daughters and of late, I have had this strange feeling that my youngest is “only on loan” to me. Like she belongs with someone else or somewhere else and I find myself savouring every second with her.
Staring into her eyes - which she returns - and smiling at her as she warms my heart so much and then I feel immediate dread that she’ll disappear from my life whether it be through death or someone will come and take her from me. I’m instantly upset and go into instant helicopter parent mode. I have no idea why and what it is and if it’s normal.
I don’t feel like this with my eldest. I did suffer PND with the youngest and I wonder if this is something that contributes to my feelings. OR, I have considered that she’s an old soul and it’s something else that I’m picking up on that’s way beyond my comprehension and/or understanding. Any thoughts or insight please??
Edited to add: I still currently take antidepressants (have been for about a year) and am feeling good and in control and have been for almost 6mths.
7 Replies
That's anxiety.
I'm not sure if its the same but I know imagining your child has died regularly can be a sign of deep depression. A trip to the Dr for a mental health check won't hurt and if that is all good maybe a trip to a psychic if you're into that kind of thing?
Definitely worth a trip to both I think. Thanks for you reply!
Depression and anxiety.
I can really understand this, when my son was a newborn I really struggled with similar thoughts. We struggled to conceive and went IVF so when he was born to me I kept picturing him being an alien and just jumping up and biting me or something weird. And then when those thoughts disappeared, I would watch him asleep in my arms and then panic and shake him awake thinking he wasn't breathing. It was anxiety for me, which thankfully disappeared after about 10 weeks but it is a real thing. Definitely chat to your health nurse about your feelings <3
My daughter is 8 weeks old and I feel exactly like this with her. I think it’s something to do with the PND
I have had similar feelings with my second child. I actually think I am picking up on her past. At 3 and a half I fell pregnant with her sibling and we were talking babies. I casually said "maybe you'll have babies one day" and she replied "no, I'm not having any babies. I had a baby once and she died. I don't want to do that again". 😥 she just stared at me for a moment & then, just like nothing happened, skipped off to do something else.