Love language.

Anonymous

Love language.

Is this relationship normal?
I'm having a boyfriend that has a child to someone else.she is 7 now but this has been going on since toddler age.I find it difficult to express my feelings in usual towards partners but am very affectionate with him.
He works at the mines so gets to see her two weeks on two weeks off (has her when he is home from work).
His love language is physical apparently with girlfriends but when I see him with h his daughter I get a bit frustrated.i mean it's beautiful and don't get me wrong it's great to see that a father loves his daughter.
He tells her from the moment she wakes up how much he loves her and how beautiful she is, he probably tells her every hour (not kidding) when he picks her up he has even flowers planted on the table for her and even though he picks her up one day after her birthday he even gets her flowers delivered to her. I don't feel jealous, don't get me wrong but i love flowers and I barely get a birthday cake for my birthday and he will never tell me that he loves me I have to pretty much put it out there and put him on a spot.
But at night time it's sex and sleep.thats is love showing he reckons.
I'm not asking for you to tell me that I am a terrible person for being upset about it all I want to know is if people can be words/affection extreme love for their child and when it comes to their partner they say that aint their love language your love is sex and me cooking a feed.is that possible? I just really wish he would tell me sometimes something nice but he just jokes around as if he is ashamed of saying anything nice to me.is it maybe immaturity or what do you think?please be nice

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

10 Replies

Anonymous

He is never going to treat you the same way he treats his child. I think the way he treats his daughter sounds beautiful, she is going to grow up and expect to be treated with nothing but love and respect from any male she dates. It seems like he is setting a really good example for his child. You sound really petty. Just remember she is his child and will always come before a girlfriend

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Anonymous

Love languages are about how to express your self to your partner not your child. Your being jealous, stop it

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Anonymous

Love languages is actually how you express yourself to anyone in your life. That why there are all the different books - for children, for teenagers, singles, couples.

Piss off, she’s not jealous, just confused because her place in his life doesn’t seem to be valued (according to her love language).

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Anonymous

He’s not the guy for you. It’s not a fit and you don’t have to stay with him if it’s not working for you.
That’s the point of boyfriends. They don’t have to be forever. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren’t.
It’s fantastic that he is so lovely to his daughter, and it’s ok to want to be treated with the same respect and love.
Some people have really low expectations for how men treat them. I don’t expect flowers etc. but i don’t buy the fact he can tell his daughter he loves her but can’t tell you. Personally that would lead me to believe he doesn’t love me.

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Anonymous

It is cute he does this for his daughter but I must admit I would find it strange he does all that for her but not for his partner. If you aren't living together I would just stay home next break and see what happens.

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Anonymous

Oh God honey, get out, that man only has space for one woman in his life and you aren’t it.
You aren’t being petty. It’s over the top. It could be out of guilt or it could be the environment he was brought up in. I certainly think it’s important to encourage and praise your child but what you described is excessive. My ex did this with our daughter after our divorce. My sons quickly became resentful and she turned into biatch. Until he reigned it in he only ever had short term girlfriends (I suspect they couldn’t stand it).

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Anonymous

How long have you been together in a serious sense?
I know it says the dynamic with his daughter has been going on since she was a toddler but I kind of sense your relationship with him hasn't been an ongoing thing for that long. I can't help but wonder if you're moving faster in this relationship than he is??

Other than that, I'm going to sit on the fence a bit.

He seems to have a beautiful, genuine relationship with his daughter, I do think some of the gestures might be slightly OTT but it's not uncommon for separated dad's to overcompensate a tad. It's often a behaviour driven by guilt and feelings of inferiority or insignificance. You will need to accept that he has a differrent relationship with his daughter than he'll ever have with you - she's his daughter, you're his girlfriend. Both important but different!

That said: I do think it's understandable that you'd like him to be able to express or verbalize his feelings towards you. It's important to feel valued in a relationship and if you feel like your only value at the moment is too cook his dinner and be available for sex, that's a problem that needs to be addressed!

I think it's a distinct possibility that he has a fear of rejection emotionally speaking, perhaps it's even a bit of guarded behaviour as a bit of a self preservation tactic due to past hurt. I think that would explain why he has no trouble showing love to his daughter but is finding it hard to open up romantically/emotionally with you. It can be really hard for some men to be vulnerable!

I think you need to be brutally honest with what you need, maybe some relationships counselling would be helpful. Failing that, maybe you're just not compatible!

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Anonymous

The love a parent shows a child is different.
But you also need to consider maybe he doesn’t love you how you need to be loved and therefore move on.

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Anonymous

Is it that he feels so comfortable with you that he doesn't feel the need to show/tell you how much he loves you? But with his daughter, he needs to win her over so she likes him and doesn't lose him to her mum?

My husband is exactly like your boyfriend, he just seems to forget that I need a reminder every now and then or just shown he cares/appreciates me.

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Anonymous

I tell my(our) children almost hourly I love them. I tell my dog I love them every time I see them. My hubby I tell him maybe once a day if that. At night I want sex and sleep. He wants to cuddle and hold hands, I do it but I don’t enjoy it. I’m not that type of affectionate person. I do love him and want to be with him but I don’t feel the need to carry on like a lovesick teen. He does with me(drives me bonkers) but I don’t show love the same way he does. Unsure if helpful but perhaps he does and just doesn’t feel able to show it the way you want it?

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