My husband went to visit his parents over the weekend, originally our son was going to go with him, but then he decided he didn't want to go. Tonight I was accused of not encouraging our son to go and that I should've done more to get him to go on the visit as he's only 10. Wondering how others have managed these types of situations?
20 Replies
Need more info before I give my thoughts tbh.
Are they loving grandparents? What's their relationship like with your son? Is this a regular occurrence on your sons part? Was it a special occasion or just a regular visit? Does he have a valid reason for not wanting to visit or did he just blow it off for a better offer? Would you have been so accomodating if it were your parents? Did you attempt to encourage him at all?
Also is the backlash coming from your partner or the grandparents
1. Who accused you?
2. Why on earth isn't the dad being a accused/Taking ow nership of not speaking up at the time if it was important as it's his trip, his kid, his parents, him driving I guess, him packing etc etc etc etc.
3. Sometimes you push them, sometimes you don't, there's lots of factors involved.
I let my older kids make these choices for themselves if there's a choice, so I would have done the same as you. I assume it was just a normal visit and they live close by and there wasn't anything exceptional happening at the time.
I'm the original poster, his parents live about 2 hours away and his Mother had organised lunch at a pub.They were going over because my Husband hadn"t seen his Mum for Mother's Day. Our son had no better offers, he was just going to be spending the time with me.
It was my Husband who had a go at me about it and said I should be supporting him by encouraging our son to go.
I encouraged him to go, but felt he's old enough to decide.
If he really wanted his son to go and see his parents, then he should have been the one to try and talk him into going.
Sorry I’m with your husband. I don’t let me 10 year old dictate to me. I make him go to things like this. He gets time with dad and also his grandparents. I don’t think 10 year old should be making those decisions. We never got to growing up. Just my opinion if this was me. Not attacking you. I just agree with your husband.
If she organised lunch and it was in lieu of mother’s day, yeah I think your son should have gone. If it was a sleepover and he just didn’t want to fair enough, but you’re the parent and he doesn’t get to make all the shots.
Did your husband actually encourage him to go along and then you said he’s old enough to say no? Sometimes you just need to put your foot down and send him off.
Why didn’t you go? I can see your husbands point. It was for mother’s day and they live 2 hours away so your not going often. Your husband is likely hurt!
If it was for mother’s day then It really shouldn’t matter if he was there or not. As long as she got to see HER son. Maybe the boy wanted to spend some time with his own mother? I don’t understand why this mum is getting slammed for this. If it was that important why didn’t his father make him go? Not all the parenting is up to the effing mother
Wow. I hardly slammed her. Family is important in our household! You teach your children how to treat others and ourselves. There are some things in life you grin and bear (assuming they are not abusive etc). If they are not visiting regularly it doesn’t hurt to go as a family, unless mum has to work etc.
I think your son should have gone then in that case, they're 2 hours away and it was for an occasion I'm assuming they would've been expecting to see their grandson!
Obviously, this sort of thing is up to both parents but I kind of get the feeling that Dad had made plans assuming son would be going, then you come along and say "oh well, he's old enough to decide".
I can completely understand why dad and grandparents were annoyed if that's the case!!
(My children's grandparents would have been deeply offended actually).
Unless his grandparents are horrible, nasty people I can't see a reason he shouldn't have gone out for lunch with them, especially if he already said he'd go. You make a commitment, you stick to it!
Did you actively overrule your husband by stepping in and speaking over him? If not, then your husband is a parent too and if it was important to him, he should have encouraged the child to go more or made the decision. It's not your business or fault unless you overruled him.
I don’t think a 10 year old should decide this. Unless he was sick he should have gone. It was a special occasion not a random visit.
We create the family culture now, that we want for the future. Remember if we don’t encourage and show the way now, I can guarantee you won’t be seeing much of your own grandkids in the future. Because you are teaching them that relationships with grandparents aren’t important.
I completely agree, I think it's also teaching him it's ok to blow off plans the day of because you just dont feel like going anymore.
That's not something I'd let my kids get in the habit of doing, it's important to teach kids to only make plans they intend to keep otherwise you're letting people down, (legitimate reasons aside obviously).
I couldn’t agree more!
I make my son go. I think it’s good to have the one on one with dad but also the grandparents. If you had no reasons then get tough and make him. kids today make too many decisions for themselves and most don’t want to go out now because of iPads and technology.
I agree with your husband. He obviously wanted to take him and you back your son up when he didn’t want to go else it wouldn’t be an issue. I make my kids go even when they don’t want to. I’m the parent.
Umm it was for mother’s day. Obviously she wanted to spend time her grandchild who lives 2 hours away. Not only good company for your husband on the drive and bonding time. It’s respect for the grandparents and teaching a child that he doesn’t always gets what he wants. I’m not saying yours does but this is my rules when it comes to my kids.
You say "stop blame shifting". You wanted him to go that bad you should have done the parenting and convinced him. Not my job. This is a 50/50 arrangement buddy boy.