A dvice on how to handle this?
I separated from my 7month olds father before the birth due to reasons I won’t go into and unrelated to this topic.And NO we are not in any kind of relationship,sexual or otherwise.
Recently I took him in temporarily as he was kicked out of the place he was living at.And was homeless.I told him he needs to organise and find somewhere suitable to live asap as he cannot live here..the kind of person I am couldn’t handle the thought of my babies dad on the streets getting mixed up in certain things.(he’s a recovering alcoholic)
He suffers from depression which I have at times so I’m going easy on him but perhaps too easy as I feel he won’t leave as he has nowhere to go.He has no friends that could help as he burnt all those bridges in the past and his own parents refuse to have him at their place due to things I won’t go into as their issues have nothing to do with me.
I’ve spoke to him and even tried finding him a flat or roomshare close so he can still see our child(he has no license and doesn’t work at the moment) but he does not seem to do anything about bettering his situation.
I know his depression doesn’t help the situation but I just don’t know what to do as I genuinely do not want him living on the streets.Ive looked into what help is in this area for people at risk of homelessness and talked to link2home but they said he needs to call them himself.He says he will but never does.Im sick of him sleeping on the lounge and sitting watching movies all day.He doesn’t contribute to anything and eats mine and my other children’s food and rarely cleans up after himself.Leaves lights on everywhere all night..he hasn’t even showered in the last week.Its starting to affect me in a negative way and I don’t want to live like this.Any constructive advice would be appreciated,Thankyou.
5 Replies
Necessity is the mother of invention. He won’t leave until he is forced to leave. He won’t find a place to live until he is forced out of the door.
Its time to draw a line in the sand. Tell him he has until next Friday to find somewhere otherwise you will call the police and get them to remove him from the home.
Then follow through.
Being kind isn’t helping him, it’s enabling him.
Right! Time to get tough.
He has one month to get his shit together.
By the end of week 1 he needs to see his doctor to organise a mental health plan.
Week 2 - needs to have signed up with an employment agency.
Week 3 - have spoken to and organised tempory accommodation ready to move out by week 4.
If he doesnt do any of these things by the ends of the weeks, have the police remove him. He isnt actually your responsibility and he needs to take the steps to improve his life!
You've obviously a very kind hearted person to welcome him into your home when he no place left to go (I don't think I'd have been so accomodating).
As well intentioned as this was, you have allowed yourself to be taken advantage of for a little too long now so it time to draw a firm line in the sand!
Tell him he's got 2 weeks to the day to get his affairs in order, pack his belongings and get out of your house. Tell him that under no uncertain terms will that deadline be extended and pass on any relevant information you have collected for him regarding shelters or services.
Once that 2 weeks is up and should he still be slobbing around on your couch, call the police to come and remove him.
Remember, he's not your responsibility. He might fall of the sobriety wagon, he may end up in a really dire situation but that's all on him, you can't protect him from himself forever. He needs to learn how to be ok on his own!
If I was you, I’d just kick him out. It sounds like he is big enough and ugly enough to look after himself, and if he isn’t, then that problem is on him. It’s not your responsibility and I’m not sure why you take it on like it is your responsibility.
It doesn’t sound like you want to be that harsh, so the only other thing I’d do is give a really firm deadline. Tell him he has 3-4 weeks to sort his shit out and tell him the date he must vacate your house into other accommodation or his own house, that he has between now and then to organise and sort it, other wise he can be on the streets.
It’s nice that you’re understanding of his mental health, but I also think form boundaries and tough love is the only way to go about this. Even with my anxiety, the only way I get through it is by being tough with myself.
You split up with the guy for a reason . Never should have taken him back as a guest , you knew what he was like. He probably feels like there's hope that you'll take him back now when there isnt .