So, my husband and I seperated for the second time in February. He’s moved on with his ‘love life’ but still living in our family home. I have asked him a number of times to move out, but he says he’s to busy to find a place.
Anyway, I meet a guy a few weeks ago in coles (I know of all places lol) he’s local, he’s a single dad and has his daughter full time. He wants to pursue a relationship with me and has asked me on a number of dates. The kids have meet each other through play dates at the local park. Easiest way to catch up really.
I’ve explained to him, it might be too soon after my separation, but it feels right. What do I do? Pursue a relationship with this beautiful souled man or stay single until everything is sorted with my ex?
Totally confused.
10 Replies
I would continue to see him on a friendly basis and explain that you would like to persue a romantic relationship in the near future but first you need to sort out all the loose ends with your ex husband.
I'd be sorting out this living arrangement asap, because obviously you don't feel like you can move on whilst he's still living there and having 2 parents that still live together but aren't together that are dating other people would be pretty confusing for the kids.
Just keep it on a friends basis for now. This situation is super messy already and the kids don’t need more confusion!
If your ex won’t move out, you will need to. This situation is quickly moving towards a disaster.
If the new love interest can’t be patient until this mess is sorted out then he isn’t the right guy, he’s just being pushy guy.
Remember that relationships that move fast are a red flag for DV so taking it slow, keeping it friends and seeing if he can maintain his good guy image over time is a really good thing for your future!
Go for it. But keep the actual time commitment and family merging etc at bay for a long time. Definitely go on dates and enjoy whatever happens, and also work on sorti ng out your separation so that you can proceed with hanging out together and spending overnights without the kids, either with him or whoever but you need that sorted out first.
Wth? Base your first custody arrangements (because they will no doubt change over time) on getting alone time with some guy? Are you serious? I would say work out a custody arrangement around what suits the kids in their new life, you and your exes work schedules, his ability to parent during this turbulent time and what makes them feel most secure and settled. This is exactly why she shouldn’t be dating, if this is going to be a consideration in their first custody arrangement. Geez, does anyone think of the kids?!!
I started dating 2 months later. I'd reconnected with an ex I'd never gotten over. My relationship had fallen apart the previous year. The ex I reconnected with are married and have 2 kids together. This relationship is totally different and easier. We definitely both feel it's for life.
Continue to see him and see how it goes. Your ex has moved on with his life and you can do the same. It’s not your job but if you want your ex to move out pack his stuff, stick it on the back patio or in the shed and tell him he needs to find a new place and go go go!!! Don’t move new dude in straight away see him for at least a year before you decide to move in and combine finances/households etc becasue once you combine your life via Centrelink it’s a bitch to undo. Take it slow and see how it fits. I waited 18 months to move on, I had buddies in that 18 months but none of them were serious. I found my OH in a pub. Many speculated and have made comments on it. But for us it was right. I was told that you always find love in the weirdest of places and it’s quite true!!
Don’t do it. I would say when you still live with your spouse is too early without a doubt.
He’s off having a love life, which most men tend to do as a band aid fix so they don’t deal with their emotions. A rebound fling no doubt.
Be the stable parent, the parent who puts their kids first.
If you’re off chasing another guy, you mind is elsewhere, focusing on shit it shouldn’t be.
Your question on this forum proves that, your question wasn’t how do I help my kids deal with the separation of their parents.
It may even cause issues at home, which you don’t need right now.
Any quality guy wouldn’t want to date a woman who is still living with her spouse and two months out of a marriage.
I guarantee two months out of a divorce, this relationship has a one in one hundred chance of working long term.
You will have your time, now isn’t it.
Be single, get to know yourself again without the added complication of a romance.
I’m speaking from experience.
Kids first, you later.
Amen 🙌🙌
Take it slowly make your ex watch the kids and get out there and have some fun with him. Why should your ex be having all the fun.!! If it feels right go for it. Maybe just keep the kids from knowing for some time.
My marriage ended May 2011. We have 2 kids together. I started dating someone else in July. We still lived together until January 2012, it was then I moved out as I was pregnant. I moved in with my partner and the ex moved into his parents.We were amicable although awkward at times as he started dating my friend. Fast forward to now my partner and I have since married and had another child. While him and my friend still aren't sure whether their together or not 😂.Do what you feel is right. This relationship feels right and what I need. In saying all this my relationship with my ex had been over for at least a year before I ended it. We still are very amicable which I think has been a big reason why we could continue our lives even under the same roof.