My 7 year old son is having trouble getting to school everyday. He has ASD but has only recently been diagnosed. He has serious anxiety about a range of issues about school one being that he says the work is too hard. He also has social problems. I'm trying to get the help he needs but it's incredibly hard when he won't even go to school. It's gotten worse lately and he has a panic attack every morning and is almost always late or refuses to go at all. He didn't qualify for a special school/class before he was diagnosed but wondering if it's worth a try now. Or should I keep trying to force him to fit in at his current school and hope they can soon start meeting his needs. I also feel that he might be having trouble at school because he also has high energy needs which probably aren't met at school. He's constantly on the move at home which he wouldn't be able to do in a classroom. He doesn't get the one on one help he needs in the class and he struggles to do anything without alot of help. If asked to do a written task about a subject he can't think of the words he needs the letters without help it's all very hard for him. He gets one on one help out of class but that doesn't help him with class work. I Just need advice on how to help him. What worked for your kids. Also if wearing noise canceling ear muffs helped them concentrate in class better and what brand do you recommend?
8 Replies
His anxiety is debilitating, this is something you need to discuss with your pediatrician as it will be beyond what the school can do for him. My 17 year old has an anxiety disorder and it has been a massive battle with school and at times everyday life. After missing 8 months of school and was not even able to go to the mail box I got him on medication 3 years ago. It has made the world of difference but I do realise your child is much younger and medication for that age is a lot more controversial.
Have you got NDIS yet or any funding? He needs behavioural therapy to help process the anxiety and work through it. This can be delivered at home, at the therapist office or even at the school. (And before the “NDIS self manage Nazis” jump in here saying that education related and NDIS cannot fund - think again its behaviour related and IS able to be delivered at school)
Also go and request a meeting with the school principal and the school counsellor and his classroom teacher. They need to put in place A plan to get him at school settled and working to the best of his potential. If you get any trouble here I would suggest you get his psychologist to attend a meeting at the school with you.
My son has many of the same symptoms you describe. Thankfully the classrooms are changing and Department of education in New South Wales are no longer just looking at the stock standard sit at the desk for the day format.
If you have other schools in the area that you think might be better suit his needs certainly go and interview them walk around the playgrounds have a look in their classrooms asking what do they do with children with similar needs your son.
All my best wishes.
You need to work with his psychologist and OT if he has one to meet with the school and get appropriate supports in place for him. His professionals will help you. His school should help, they may not inwhich case yes you need to find one that understands anxiety and is willing to support and help children who suffer with it. Forcing them through just won't work.
My child still suffers, but with a lot of work I know what to do and when it gets too much we write it all down and I go to the school and speak to the teacher. This also models that problems can be solved, and people will help, which is so important for these kids, who sometimes can't even put their finger on what the problem is.
Going too fast, being too hard, is anxiety speaking. They're hearing words and putting themselves on the negative end and believing everyone else is doing amazing.
Your psych will help you with so many resources until you get to a place like where I am now, that you know how to manage it and you know what to ask for. They will also advocate for you, which sometimes helps when a school is unwilling to accommodate from you asking.
The school should also have many many strategies to help, however I do find they aren't always the best and I'm sure we would not be where we are today if it wasn't for the work I do and the psych strategies that I use and have asked the school for.
If you can calm that frayed nerves, panic feeling through the day that's a large part of your battle won. Then your child can reflect on the day and start to notice good things amongst the negative, and all of this as well as growth mindset language and positive self talk, and seeing that we can fix and help them, changes things immensely.
Good luck! Never stop advocating.
Poor baby, I feel his pain. I find situations with lots of noise and activity very overwhelming and I find it impossible to concentrate. People who are rowdy/move around in my space, I find it hard to tune out the rabble and focus on the important information. If I was in that situation day in and day out I would be constantly on edge. If I'm on edge all the time, I'm basically moments away from a panic attack. It's really unfair on him to keep trying to push your square peg boy into the round hole school, and it's unfair on his teachers and peers to keep sending him when they're unable to meet his needs.
Is there an opportunity for a change in schools? Maybe pull him out for a bit while you get some strategies in place - quieter work areas, minimising distractions, satisfying needs such as movement breaks? Perhaps work with your paed, and an OT and get a team together to help him.
Good luck xxx
What worked for my son in this situation was a brilliant child psychologist. Get him into one ASAP. Go to a dr explain it and ask for a care plan to get your visits funded by Medicare. They are amazing & it did wonders for my son. He has recently started a new school due to us moving and he has started having panic attacks over certain things. The first thing I did was get him back into a dr and I’m not on the hunt for another child paychologist. Not only do they help your child but they can give you ideas on ways to manage things. It’s so stressful and upsetting. get on top of it now because as a teenager and adult his life will be hell with anxiety and depression. It’s awfulness I worry about this for my own son. The younger they deal with it the better they can learn to cope as they get older.
I forgot to mention also you will have back up from the psychologist against the school and it helps the school understand what he is going through. Once the school received a letter for my son. They handled everything so differently with him and supported him, rather than just fob him off as being shy or naughty. Most of it was the actions from the teachers causing this with my son. The letter made the teachers stop and approach him differently. He made a huge difference but without that letter I didn’t stand a chance. It was heartbreaking to see my son like that.
We are kind if going through this. Our boy has Dyslexia. I take him to a private tutor 2 days a week in school time. They have computer chairs he can wiggle on, they said the kids are much more productive when they can move.
He is an outside kid and has struggled with sitting.
All the school help hasn't really amounted to anything but stress for me.
This tutor has got him to do 4 years work in 1.5years.
Consider joining the Facebook group for TRS- a safe Heavy Metal Detox. Lots of successful stories of children healing.