My husband drinks alot!!!

Anonymous

My husband drinks alot!!!

So I have had many issues in the past with my husband and his drinking/smoking/weed I have been on a health kick lately well the past year have lost 12 kg and feeling great. I have just come off a 6 week challenge which involves no drinking watched my husband drink the whole time and resented him for it. Seeing him drunk 5 out of 7 nights made me change my view. I bought a bottle of wine tonight and had a glass next thing I know he kept topping it up until it was gone. Yes I drank it but when he had finished his own bottle after 6 beers I said isnt that enough I started getting called a boring bitch! I dont want to drink anymore I feel i am being encouraged to drink to make him feel better and it makes me feel so much worse.
I have been thinking about leaving we have an 8 and 4 year old. The 8 year old has started noticing his drinking and talking about daddy being drunk. Its not what I want for me and my kids. He seems to love me more if I have a drink but it doesnt make me feel better.
When he is not drinking he is great but once he starts he cant stop. Plus he is a heavy smoker and smokes the jazz most nights.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

5 Replies

Anonymous

And i can hear from bed he has just opened another bottle of wine which will most likely be finished tonight totaling 6 beers and 2 bottles of wine. Yet I am the bitch.

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Anonymous

Yes you should leave.
Alcoholics love other people to drink with them.

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Anonymous

People with alcohol issues (well, any substance really) love to have someone partake with them and they'll heavily encourage it, you know why?
It minimises the issue. It's a tactic they use to normalize their alcoholism. When that doesn't work, they resort to guilt, cue the "boring bitch" remark.

He has to want to change and to do that he needs to understand and accept that his drinking is a problem - he's not ready to do that yet!
He's also likely to get a hell of a lot worse before (and even if) he gets better.

You need to accept that your husband is an alcoholic, he has an addiction. That need is a higher priority than you, it's a higher priority than your kids, you'd probably find that alcohol is the only thing that motivates him.

I think you already know in your heart what you want and need to do for yours and your kids sake. Be brave and do what you've gotta do đź’ś

NB: Going off the last few posts regarding alcohol, you're going to get some really fucking idiotic opinions. I truly believe we have a toxic alcohol culture in this country and these type of posts force people to look at a few hard truths concerning their own (and their partners) drinking habits.
My point is, don't let this inevitable "He's a hard working man, he deserves it" bullshit diatribe make you begin to second guess yourself.

Take care Xx

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Anonymous

A few things here, sounds like you have taken control of your health and behaviour..... by choice I assume you used to drink too and only really noticed how bad his consumption is because you are not a part of it? Also on a whim you tolerated the other smoking too as it was part of chilling out? My partner used to smoke weed daily, it was his thing after work.... I tolerated it for years we had built a life together, but you know what it was as destructive thing ever, his mood depended on a fix, couldn’t be out late, was high low on behaviour and I walked on egg shells. I am to this day 100% against weed and any substance abuse. But I let this be in my home with kids. We had a screaming match on afternoon which was nasty, and I unloaded in a poor way the pressure he put On me, as I wouldnt let him drive me or kids anywhere, we didn’t share bank accounts to keep our money away from that. And that I had a date in my head that was an ultimatum for me that if I wasn’t happy by date x , then I would leave. I had to be okay with it or he had to choose to change. Thankfully my crazy episode must have struck a nerve as he has been clean for 18 months, and it has been a journey for both of us. I personally believe he was self medicating as he isn’t good with stress, but that is the next thing to work on. If you want to leave go, and sounds like there is enough reason too, but maybe have a sober mid day kid free convos out what you are challenged by. Then you know you have put the cards on the table before calling it a day. Good luck it’s shit when you are so conflicted

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Anonymous

My partner has just passed the one year sober mark. It took many years and we tried different things to help his addiction such as withholding the beer, counselling, prayer, separation and compromise etc. My partners health started to decline as well, his blood test showed his levels were over 300, should be around 50. In the end I was sick of trying and gave him my last ultimatum and thankfully this was the last wake up call and he was finally ready. Now he is truly a new man and is much happier-hallelujah!! It takes work and compromises and if he refuses to try then you have to say goodbye. This is the only reason I stayed because my partner always was willing to try.

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