Marriage and children

Anonymous

Marriage and children

Hi Mums
Not sure if any of you have been in this situation before.
My “husband” and I had some dramas and decided to seperate for a little while.
We have been seperate for 5 months, living under seperate roofs.
We have a good civil relationship, for the sake of our son, but we do have days where we end up arguing, things get mentioned from the past, emotions are involved etc.
In the meantime, he has seen a solicitor to have a parental agreement drawn up for our 1 year old son for “worse case scenario” future reasons. I understand that he may have a fear that one day we won’t be as civil and as he says, I act on emotion, but I feel hurt and betrayed that he feels that I will take his son away from him when I have only ever encouraged him to build a strong bond with his son and to spend more time with him. He knows that I have been more upset about the fact that he doesn’t spend time with him rather than trying to take his son away.
Anyways, I have agreed to sign this agreement for him, as I don’t want any drama between us and I don’t want him to feel insecure about his future with his son, but at the same time I feel like after I sign it, I probably couldn’t look at him the same anymore & I couldn’t continue trying to work on our relationship. He has filed a divorce in order to have this drawn up, and he can’t understand why I am upset that he went as far as filing for a divorce. This entire time we have been trying to fix things and working towards possibly having our family fixed, and things were going great, but I can’t move past the fact that he has filed a divorce and we are now not married anymore, and he has a parental agreement in place, but expects everything to be normal amongst us. How would you feel if your “partner” did that, then tried to have the normal relationship with you but has just divorced you and written up a parental agreement that you had to sign. Could you look at him the same? Am I wrong in feeling like there is no trust at all in this situation , therefore there should be no us? He insists that he adores me and I am the love of his life & that he would love for us to be back to how we were before, but just needs this paper in place “just incase”. He is trying really hard to make it work but I just don’t feel like I can do the same.
Would love to hear your thoughts 💕

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Baby & Toddler

8 Replies

Anonymous

I think you really just need to accept that your relationship is done at this point. I daresay you and your husband have actually unknowingly been on very different pages for a while, it sounds like he's ready and wanting to move on.

You're living in limbo at the moment, it's not healthy or ideal long term.

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Anonymous

It sound like he is sending mixed messages. I’d be an emotional wreck and I’d have to put some very firm boundaries in place.
To me, I’d call your marriage done, sign the paperwork and work on a healthy co-parenting friendship with your ex.
Don’t allow your ex to send mixed messages. He doesn’t get to play happy relationships (be intimate etc) while he has recently divorced you.
He doesn’t get it both ways, that’s not fair on you and the child.

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Anonymous

I think the relationship is done.

After reading the first section... you’ve been separated 5 months and living separately but being civil for your son. It’s done as far as those words go.

By what you’ve written, I was shocked that you still had hope. And even more that you still had hope even with him filing divorce. (Of course there is more to this story then what I’ve read)

I think if you agree to the parental agreement, then sign it.

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Anonymous

You can’t file for divorce unless you have been separated twelve months?

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Anonymous

I think that only applies in Australia, the poster may be from another country.

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Anonymous

Good point.

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Anonymous

That’s what I thought! You can get parenting plans in place and divide assets, but can’t file for divorce for 12 months.

Considering he plans to file, he wants to end the relationship and isn’t interested in reconciliation.

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Anonymous

Do not sign it until you have a lawyer look it over

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