Maintenance cost?

Anonymous

Maintenance cost?

My husband would like to ask something to you guys

Hello everyone
I'm a father of a 4 year old.me and the mother seperated when my daughter was 1.
I use to have her living with me but mother decided to move 4000km away from me to her family. I know I could of contested it but I found out about that way to late.
However, she always has been on single parenting even when my daughter was living with me, no rent to pay as she lives in he rparents house.
I get to so my daughter once a month due to distance since 3 months. She is enrolled in. Kindly and I understand that she needs her routine.
I put $50 away a week for my child future an di pay for her kind that she missed when she is with me (apparently it still needs to be paid to keep the spot she is with me 10 days pe rmonths)

My lawyer said, that I don't require to pay maintenance since she is on single parenting money. My ex lives spending money on material things. She likes wearing brands, my child never wears the same thing twice, gets toys every week from big w, large amounts.
So sometimes she writes me and asks for money for the doctor or medicine or food because she doesn't have money left. When she went to the doctor which is once a month I usually have to transfer $120-$150. And everytime so far, when I send her money, my daughter tells me on the phone what great toy mum just bought her which was probably 30-50 dollars. I had it happen a few times that she will pretty much post on Instagram a day later her shopping from lorna Jane or her new $100 boots. New nails, new hair, hair extensions.

I really want to support my child but all this money never ever goes to her. I opened a bank account for my ex so she can use a bank card for the money I put in there but she says I'm controlling and she doesn't want a card like that because it's so much lore than just medical bills.

How can I support my child successfully? I really rather put more money a week in my child's savings account than giving it to her. Her future is a lot more important tome than some stupid toys

Edit: please no attacking, thanks to comments, I was able to find out that since not having her as much amymore (when I Visited lawyer we had her 90% of the time) , I have to pay maintenance which is a lot less than what I transfer now. I am not judging, I am just not happy that mum spends money on her self and then can't even pay for her food and meds. What is going to happen when she rents? If Im ever not there any more? All I want is the best for my child and for my ex to prioritise medicals and food. I don't understand why people always go into attacking mode and me being Judgemental. I'm. Just asking for advise. Please

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Money

27 Replies

Anonymous

You need a new lawyer. Paying child support or maintenance has nothing to do with what payments your ex receives from the government.

If you are in Australia I am very surprised you are getting away with this set up.

Yes you could have stopped her moving, and you could have gotten orders for her to return to live closer. But you didn’t so now you have to live with the situation sadly.

So yes you legally are required to pay a set amount each week/month to the mother in this case, which is based on a percentage of how much you earn and the percentage of care/time you both have with the child.

It has nothing to do with if the mother has to pay rent or not and how much disposable income she has. I’m 99% sure the child doesn’t wear the same clothes a lot and the only reason your think she doesn’t is because you don’t see the child that often to see the clothes being rewarn (I could be wrong).

The way you are currently doing it is weird and not sustainable. I’m not surprised the mother isn’t happy with it.

I’d be contacting the child support agency and asking there advice as I think your lawyer is totally wrong based on my experience and the laws in Australia.

PS the money is going to the child, it’s just not a direct payment to the child. How do you think your child has toys etc.

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Anonymous

Thank you for your opinion.
Last time. I called child support, they told me i had to pay nothing since we had her most of the time. And I call. My daughter 3-4 times a day via video call and my ex always send s me photos of what she bought. This is how I know.
I earn 580 a week after tax. 50 goes towards her future so I can out her into private highschool, maybe braces, then later a car.
I will ring them up again, I just presumed that the lawyer has an idea. And by no means, I want to support my child but I just think about her future as well.

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Anonymous

Child support is worked out on gross earnings not net earnings. But welcome to partnering in Australia, where the mother can do what ever she likes when it concerns her child and the father just has to suck it up and keep paying money for kids he can’t see

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Anonymous

I just went on a calculator and it says that due to those new circumstances, I have to pay $1600 a year which works out to be 33 a week. She demanded $90 of me per week. Well I guess sim just better off paying that $33.00 but can she still hit me up for her 'medical bills' she never has receipt and she is obviously not visiting the doctor if she can spend my money the next day on herself.
So the 200 I am paying a month on her are actually covering already more than what I have to pay

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Anonymous

Original commenter here:

Child support doesn’t take into account how much you talk to your child on the phone. It sounds like your income is low, which is why you have to pay so little.

Your best bet is to organise Child support to collect child support and pay to the mother. That way when she complains, you at least have a come back and a way to shut the mother down.

It does sound like you’ve misunderstood some of the reasoning why you need to pay the amount you pay though.

Also you no longer have her most of the time, so the amount you have to pay changes depending on how much physical time you have the child.

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Anonymous

Yes i didn't take Video calls into count. And I just went onto the calculator. When I went to the silicitor I still had her over 50% so what you saying is making sense. I have her now only 30% of the time. So I will pay that to her so she can't say any more that I am not paying her maibtenencae (even though I pay around 200 of bills for her a month). That's probably the best option

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Anonymous

Pay child support and no more. If she needs money for doctors, arrange for the clinic to call you for credit card payment against your medicare card so you pay but the rebate goes back to you.

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Anonymous

Thank u for giving a neutral comment that actually Helps in my situation

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Anonymous

If you are already paying more that what you are required to by child support then I think you should insist upon a receipt for any extra expenses including doctors appointments (a lot of of GP's bulk bill for children under 16 so make sure you are only assisting with out of pocket expenses- Obviously if your daughter requires specialist treatment the cost will be higher however Medicare should subsidise some of this). I would set up a high interest earning bank account to put money into for your daughters future and if/when your daughter requires any of the things you mentioned you can draw money from it then. If you want to buy her special things then do it when she is with you so she knows who they are from. I also thing you should get some legal advice and set up paying child support through the appropriate channels to ensure both of you are meeting your obligations. Unfortunately once you hand over money you cannot dictate what the other person spends it on you just have to hope that they do the right thing. You daughters health and happiness should be top priority in this matter so try to put aside what your ex is wearing etc and focus on your daughter.

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Anonymous

Thank u

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Anonymous

Ok 1 - yes you have to pay maintenance when she's on spp.
And 2 - you're way over invested in her life and spending. Because you support your child youndont get a say or judgement in what she spends her money on.
Pay child support, you don't get a say in how that's spent - she is providing a roof and meals and care for your child and that's the end of that story. Yes kindy charges whether they go or not, you actually lose your rebate if they're away more than 42 days a year and have to pay full price, and pay for doctors or don't, but stay out of her business and you'll be a lot happier.

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Anonymous

Thank u

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Anonymous

Paying child support is not optional. You are required to support your child and you do not have to pay any more than the child support the child support agency has told you to pay. You do not get a say in where that money goes or how it is spent. If you choose to stop paying child support and you try to go on an overseas holiday you can now be forced to pay your child support or be stopped at the Australian border by Australian officials. She is obviously spending money on that child if she doesn’t wear the same thing twice and is in constantly supply of new clothes and toys. Being on SPP doesn’t mean you don’t pay her. She’s supposed to declare her child support and her payments are adjusted to what you provide. You can go through child support and get them to collect from you so Centre Link knows how much she is receiving every week and they will adjust her pay to coincide with what you pay. As to the extras. If the child needs a doctor and the mother is in centre link your child’s medical appointments will be bulk billed so she is rorting you for extra cash for herself. Any medication your daughter needs will be PBS’d too which means it’s cheap cheap cheap. Stop playing the victims and research your stuff. If you have time to write into a page you have time to check out the child support and centre link websites as all the information is on there too. Cancel the day care position and spend time with your child when she is with you. Yes work is important but you barely see her now any time with her is important. You are paying for something you barely use and that’s a cost you don’t need. Most child cares have emergency places available if you are only using it two days a month. Or find someone you trust and have them baby sit her and pay them accordingly.

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Anonymous

Video calls are not classed as time spent with the child you are not physically having her. Only overnight visits are calculated in your percentage. I have 100% care of my children they haven’t spent a night with their dad in over 2 years. They call him on the phone 1-2 a week and visit him 3-4 times a year for a day/maximum of 8 hours at a time. His percentage is still 0 so you calculate how many nights a year you have her and find the percentage of the whole year. Definitely contact child support and pay them so they can pay her and stop giving her any extra money she doesn’t need it.

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Anonymous

As mentioned per comment before, I did not take video calls into count. She spends 10 days!/9 nights per months with me

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Anonymous

When she is here for 9 nights/10 days per month, I do not send her to daycare, the mother does, that's what I'm. Paying for when she comes to me, I'm paying the daycare at her mums.
I have the entire week off that she is here, occasionally I have to work one full day but that's it

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Anonymous

I think you misread a couple of things.
I do not send her to daycare. She has a 3x a week position with her mother and she makes me pay the $120 when my daughter is with me. She comes on a Friday and stays 9 nights (so she misses three days and I have to pay mother 120)
I have that time off work usually, I try to work weekends if I know she is coming up. Maybe I have to work 1 day out of10 if the money is tight but I spend it with her 100%

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Anonymous

Wow, if she is on centrelink. Her day care would be no more then $20 a day with her rebate. I would call the day care and find out exactly how much she is paying per day.

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Anonymous

Also when you pay through child support you are not actually required to pay her day care. Regardless of if she is with you. If you choose not to there is nothing she can do.

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Anonymous

Yes but if I don't pay that daycare, she tells me I can't have my daughter overnight, I have to come for a day visit.

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Anonymous

Most childcare centres are closed on Weekends. Does she stay the whole 9 days at once? Or is she staying Friday and Returning on the Monday. If mum is on SPP then child care should be costing her the minimum $20-$30 a day. Call the centre and ask how much a day it is after the rebate. Or email them and have a chat and their payment details so you can pay them directly. You do still need to pay for childcare if your child is missing days but I think the mum is being absurd as it’s her that has the child enrolled and she was the one who moved your child from one side of the country to the other. She’s trying to rort you for extra all the time. Get mediation sorted, get court orders in place (if she goes against court orders she will get in trouble) she cannot refuse to send you the child because in return you can refuse to send the child back especially when there is no court orders in place, all she can really do is send the police around to do a welfare check and the police can only report that she is safe and well and not in harm and if she was they’d remove her. They do try and stay out of family matters where no court orders are in place. go to Centrelink claim fam tax a and b for when you have the child etc dads have just as much rights as mums do especially in Australian courts. There are narcissists that get access to their children and still make their mums lives hell through court orders so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t fight to have your daughter more. I have a feeling someone wrote in on your behalf at one time. The best person for the child is the person who can cater best to the child’s needs not just mum/dad sometimes it’s a grandparent. You can always represent your self in court and get legal assistance/information from a lawyer. It’s never too late to take control of the situation.

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Anonymous

1. You are legally obliged to pay child support and nothing more. Call the child support agency, register a case, pay what they assess you to pay and you have no legal obligation to pay anything else.
2. Anything over and above the assessed CSA amount is your choice - doctors, whatever else. You wanting to support your daughter is great and realistically $33 a week isn’t much and is only calculated to cover the bare essentials, but you are on a low income which CSA takes into account. I think the above suggestion of paying the doctors surgery directly is great if you think you’re being taken for a ride - but again, paying it at all is your choice.
3. Registering a case through CSA is great as it takes financial discussions out of the equation - if bio mum arks up about money tell her to take it up with CSA (so long as you’ve paid your assessed amount and met your requirements).
4. If you want to save money for your daughter on top of what you pay bio mum this is great and your choice and you remain totally in control of this.

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Anonymous

Thank you for such a great comment
I agree with everything you say and I thank you for keeping it neutral. Thank you so Much

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Anonymous

To keep it simple for you and your ex, without the drama involved:

- call the child support agency, have collection changed from private to the CSA collecting.

- the CSA will do an assessment based on your income, and how many nights you have your daughter. They will collect that amount from you. You will not be required to pay anymore than that amount.

- the $50 you put away for your daughter is a personal choice of your's. It doesn't effect the amount of child support you pay.

- you can contribute to half of school fees/excursion fees etc if you want to, But you are not required to.

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Anonymous

Thank you!!!

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Anonymous

Apply for an amendment for the time the child was living with you 90% of the time. She should not have been receiving spp or child support in this time. For the circumstances as they are now I would see a lawyer to see if its possible to include what you're spending on travel and kindy costs in with child support.

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Anonymous

Please tell your partner that if he is paying for his daughter's Drs visits to make sure he has set up with Medicare to get rebate back from them into his bank account as his ex is probably getting this rebate and it should be rightly going to him. And i hope he is getting better advice now from a solicitor. Xx

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