Does anyone have any tips on getting a 3 year old to sleep in his own bed?
Long story short, my son's father and I split as he was using ice (I didn't find out till to late) and he was abusive towards very abusive towards myself when he didn't have the drug.
When I kicked him out my son started sleeping in my bed with me, he really does not cope well with change amung other things because he has aspergers... Well nearly 2 years on he is coping much better but now its become habit he is still wanting to sleep in my bed!! He gets up in the middle of the night and jumps in my bed when I'm dead asleep and he is so small I don't feel him. If I do feel him I get him up and I encouraged him to go back to his bed but he crys for hours if I don't stay next to him to watch him fall asleep. He also has some anxiety around me leaving him at kinder to work and when he goes to his dad's fortnightly for the weekend. I know he's going through a lot of emotions but he is turning 4 in a month and is showing no interest in leaving my side or leaving my bed!!
I don't mind him being by my side during the day but I would really enjoy sleeping alone for once and not to mention be able to take the next step with my boyfriend who I have been with for a year now and have him stay the night, with out worrying too much about my son too much. I feel selfish for wanting my boyfriend to stay on the nights I have him and kicking my son out of my bed but on the other side of things he's 4 next month.
any tips welcomed.
3 Replies
Wait 3 years. Wish I wasn't joking.
I think they say it takes at least six weeks to break a habit? Correct me if I’m wrong.
So if you really want to make it happen, it will be a hard road but def worth it.
You could start with the more gentle approach, find his currency and have a reward chart, 3 days sleeping in his bed, gets the prize, then 5 days etc.
As well as maybe a bell on your door to wake you, every time he comes in you put him back. You will endure screaming, tantrums, but again, you have to break the habit.
Things like a night light in there, some soothing music, make his room into a big boy room, strategies for when he wants to come in you room like he cuddles/talks to teddy or turns his soothing music on for a while.
Then there’s the more extreme end of the spectrum, a physical barrier like a lock on your door or a gate on his door. Again, there will likely be screaming but it is unavoidable.
Good luck, be patient, understand you are changing his normal and it will take time.
I had this with all of my kids - the other parent had a substance addiction too. It wasn’t until I mentioned it to a psychologist who explained what was happening. She said children of drug affected parents commonly have this problem, them getting into the bed is them physically checking that their parent is there. Even if they don’t know that’s what they’re actually doing, on a subconscious level that is what they’re doing.
After the psychologist said that I changed our tactic. I put a bell on a string hanging off the doorknob so when they tried to come in I would wake and walk them back to bed. If they did manage to sneak in and I woke up next to them I would wake them and get them to go back to bed (not just carry them). Each time on the walk back I said It’s ok, I’m not going anywhere, you have your bed I have mine etc etc.
Not gonna lie - it took a good 6 months of consistency. If i let them stay just once then it was back to square 1. But now, 4 years later and the whole house is better off - Everyone is sleeping better and my kids have lost the need to check on me.