Hi IM’s
A couple of months ago I got back in the dating scene after splitting with my ex of 8 years (about 8 months ago).
This whole dating thing is new to me and I have been on a few dates but nothing that led me to wanting more. I have been on about 4 dates with one guy and I am really interested in him (and I think him of me) but between work and kids (I have a 15 yo and he has a 13 yo) we’re finding it hard to have time to really get to know each other except a couple of hours that we might be able to sneak in one evening during the week or an odd weekend when he doesn’t have his son.
I guess what I would like to know is, 1) is he just not that interested that he won’t make time to see me and/or 2) is it too soon just to ask him to join me for lunch/dinner when my son is home or to come over for a drink? No sleepovers or anything and introduction would be more as a friend.
My son is 15, he’s not stupid so I don’t want to treat him like he is but I also don’t want to be that mum that keeps bringing ‘random’ guys home (which mind you I wouldn’t be unless I saw potential).
I know it’s super early and nothing is even definite yet (and im not sure if I’m ready for him to meet my son) but I feel that if I can’t get to know him, how can it progress further?
I’ve never really done this whole dating thing, so this is all so new to me and I really have no idea what I’m doing or even what the ‘rules’ are supposed to be!
Hoping someone can help and give some guidance!
6 Replies
4 dates is way too soon to introduce your son. If the guy is interested he will make time to see you.
If he can’t see you as often as you’d like, then he isn’t giving you what you need so you aren’t compatible. Only he knows if he can only see you at those times or he is lying or perhaps still dating others? No you don’t introduce him to your son, throw this one back and find someone who can give you what you need. It hasn’t even been a year since you broke up with ex, give your 15 year old some breathing space.
You need to ask your son how he feels about it. He may not want to meet your "friend", have lunch with him or whatever. He's 15, he's probably not going to want to be involved in your dating in any capacity (that doesn't mean you shouldn't date at all though).
4 dates in, I wouldn't even consider introductions to be honest. Wait til it's serious and actually going somewhere.
When the time does come for introductions, can I just suggest you don't use the "friend" term. My parents used to pull that line, it's kind of patronising to a teenager, I knew they were seeing these people romantically (and as you said, your son isn't stupid) - I would have appreciated their honesty much more!
Oh and never spring an introduction on him, a heads up beforehand is always better.
Good luck though and enjoy dating
Is this a joke?! Waaay too early
I felt exactly the same when I started dating.
My ex and I have a clause (in our parenting plan) that we don't introduce people to our daughter until we have dated exclusively for 3 months.
In saying that my ex was together with his now ex for 18months, they were engaged and even moved in together and broke up shortly after.
I have been with my partner for almost 2 years.
My point is you never know what is going to happen, if it will be something long term or end after awhile. Your children are old enough to understand dating and getting to know someone. Be up front with them and say that you have met someone and want to have them over for dinner one night and see what they say and do the same with the guy.
If you try it and you don't feel right or it doesn't feel right then you don't have to do it again.
Remember you're not just a mum you are a person too. A person that deserves to be in a relationship and be loved.