Hi
My partner and i have been together for 10 years and have 3 kids. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. He is from NZ.
I know I’m not perfect but I do my best for our kids and make sure they have everything they need. My partners family have always been quick to judge me and basically throw me to the curb when issues happen in our relationship. I respect they are family but my family never get involved like his does. We had a separation period late last year but we have been back on track for a while, although we still haven’t moved back in together.
My partners sister sent out wedding invitations and me and the kids weren’t even on it (they were sent out a year ago before our separation). We didn’t really talk about it he made out he wouldn’t be going back to NZ because of work and not having enough money.
He told me 4 days before the wedding that his other sister got him a ticket and he is going. He flew out yesterday.
I’m hurt and upset. Family means the world to me and if my sisters ever excluded my partner of 10 years i would say something or not go. I didn’t expect my partner to miss the wedding but I just feel so shit.
How can you be with someone who’s family think so little of you and then having your partner not fighting for you more.
I’m not sure what I’m asking I mostly feel sorry for our kids in all this....
18 Replies
I think you are reading too much into the invite.
A) his sister may not realise you are ‘together together’ most people would assume you are still separated if you are living separately.
B) if there is any doubt about your relationship why would they invite you
C) they may have assumed the entire family wouldn’t be able to afford the trip, so only invited the brother.
D) you have no idea who else has been not invited to keep numbers down etc. there was a huge fight around 2 weddings in our family over invited because people didn’t realise we hadn’t invited A LOT of people. One wedding nobody under 14 was invited and another no partners that were not in long term relationships. I’ve been involved in weddings where only the siblings went.
They know we are very much together. I have been with him for 10 years I’m not just some string in girlfriend. The one getting married doesn’t know the other sister purchased his ticket. We have been a family for years. Who invites just one person from a family?
I’ve only invited one person from certain parts of the family because we get along with that person but their partner is nasty to my mum so they’re not invited.
Maybe it’s just to keep the numbers down we didn’t invite any childrenX and if we haven’t seen you in 6 months your morning invited
Lots of people! Lots of people go to weddings on there own.
Gosh my brother in law went to a wedding in the weekend without my sister.
Lots of people don’t invite nieces and nephews.
But the other nieces and nephews were invited, so it does seem like we were excluded.
II doubt one half of a relationship gets invited to a wedding of such a close family member. That’s ridiculous
This reply is bullshit sorry. The invites were sent before their brief separation. Who invites just their brother and not his wife??? I never would do that and I do not know anyone who would or has done that. She has definitely not read too much into this, this is exclusion and I would be extremely pissed if my hubby went to a wedding that I was not invited to.
That would be the end for me. You don't just invite one person from a marriage/partnership to a family wedding. He should have had your back and not gone. Horrible treatment from all of them and you deserve to not be a part of that anymore.
Nope! That is not right. His family have done this to hurt you. Do not show them that you are hurt. Buy a cheap phone with another sim, hide your old one so you are not tempted to ring or text him, get a babysitter and go and have some fun yourself! Then take your kids out for a day at the zoo or something fun! Do not give them the satisfaction of knowing you have had a hard time with this. It's not that he has gone on his own its that you and your kids were never invited! He should not have gone. My partner would not go to any family things if i wasn't invited too. Different to being invited and not being able to make it!
A lot of people here are quick to hate on his family but we don't know what they've been told! My dad told his family some straight up vicious lies about my mum when they hit a rough patch before their separation.
If my brother and sister in law were separated and living apart I wouldn't invite my SIL either.
A. For her comfort, I'd hate for her to feel obliged and awkward about it all.
B. I wouldn't want their relationship issues to cause tension at my wedding.
The invitations were sent a year ago before they split up
Ah, I missed that.
In that case I'm really confused why the Ops husband never asked about it?
I guess they're either just awful, spiteful, petty people or they had good reason to only invite their brother!
Hi I'm sorry you are hurting. Forget about the wedding for the moment and think about the state of the relationship. It doesn't sound great anymore anyway. So if he's prepared to go at 4 days notice to an event you or the children weren't even invited to. I think he's telling you how he views the relationship. If you are currently living apart I'd leave it like that for a while longer. Be strong for yourself and your family. Hugs x
I could have written this myself.. for 9 years me and our kids were excluded from family functions bdays and xmas all because his parents think noone is good enough for their son. My ex was always invited to anything but never asked to bring our kids or me. I found it so rude and disrespectful that we were not invited as i would include them in anything we planned out of respect for his family. We have now separated and i still invite his family to everything though they dont show up and my kids get no presents and no invites to anything at all from his side and his family dont even ask to see our kids. Dont stoop to their level u have done nothing wrong and they are just being petty. But unfortunately they will never change.
How rude.. I’d be pissed off too. No you aren’t reading too much into it at all. I would be questioning more what your husband is telling them. I know for sure that my husband wouldn’t go if I wasn’t invited, it’s jait disrespectful. I would also expect my husband to stand up for me and ask why I wasn’t invited. So yes you have ever right to feel hurt and upset. Especially after a separation, time away together for a wedding would have been nice if you could have had family watch your kids. I think it’s wrong of your husband to have gone. There is more to it. I think he has been feeding them crap & has probably told them not to invite you. Be strong and have nothing more to do with them. Also cut them off and stop thinking about fitting in with them and pleading them. Block them out and stop worrying about them and what they think. So rude!!!
He is just as disrespectful as his family. That is shocking! No consideration for you at all. No wonder you separated. He would have known for a long time to prepare for this. Message him and tell him not to bother coming back. They probably have someone over there to set him up with. Disgusting. I wouldn’t trust any of them. You poor girl. Where is the consideration for mum being home with 3 kids. What about the much needed time out you and your husband could have had together, going together. Something doesn’t add up. How could he even do that to you. So selfish and heartless.
Hmmm, I'd be interested to know what he says to his extended family about his partner and kids. Is he not including you and the kids in his conversations with his family? Does he defend you or is he the one planting deception (the old have his cake and eat it too analogy). I'd be suspicious of him - dedicated partners stand beside you and don't ditch you.
Yes I was wondering this too! Maybe he’s told them you’re not together and goodness knows what else!?
Time to call it quits for good