9 year old doesn’t understand bad choices have consequences

Anonymous

9 year old doesn’t understand bad choices have consequences

Need help for a 9 year old who doesn’t understand that bad choices have consequences.

My middle daughter has been have put bursts for the last few days, firstly they start over either a simple task we have ask or because we have said no.
She had always been a great toddler and never had to be sent to time out, however about 18 months ago her attitude started to change big time, she started back chatting, hiding things in her room that she knew she wasn’t to have and throwing tantrums.

She now believes that if she does something wrong she doesn’t have to miss out on a special treat/ outing.

This last week has been a nightmare as she has been throwing tantrums over the smallest of things and will not listen to reason, we have been calm with her and all she wants to do it high pitch screaming and keeps asking us to listen to her (which we do) but will not actually talk she just wants to keep fighting and saying what we are doing is unfair.
She has currently lost her extra curricular activities as I don’t believe she deserves them at this time.
She has an older and younger sister and they are so scared when she blows up and it’s putting strain on my relationship with my husband.
I am always to blame in her eyes even if my husband it the one who takes things away.
She is perfect at school and nothing has changed in our life to make such a drastic change in her attitude.

Please help a mum who is at her whits end

Posted in:  Behaviour

4 Replies

Anonymous

Welcome to pre-puberty!

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Anonymous

Take her to a psychologist. I say that because she is possibly a highly sensitive kid, empath, anxious, perfectionist, that's kept her behaviour so beautiful all this time.
The issue is that when they can't cope, they really can't cope. She needs help and you need appropriate strategies for her.
I hear her saying listen to me, shes not veinf heard but I feel she's too emotional to say what she wants at that time she's melting down.
When she blows, you need to be the calm.
Try helping her calm, give her pillows, take deep breaths, give her music, a book, whatever helps her calm, for 10 minutes and then try to talk to her.

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Anonymous

Has her body started changing? Wider hips? Body hair? Boobs? Could it be hormonal? My niece started about that age, she had some epic meltdowns. Puberty is rough at the best of times but it is particularly hard when it starts early, 9 year olds just aren’t equipped to deal with the emotions / moods hormones bring on. Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Good luck!

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Anonymous

I know some people won't agree with this but have you looked at ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). From what you have describe it sounds very similar to the symptoms. Hope you get some answers and relief soon

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