Addiction

Anonymous

Addiction

Hi everyone!
I know this is a pretty common topic but I just don’t know what to do anymore.
We recently had our sencond child and over the course of 5 months we have dipped into our savings to get by, I will admit I should have budgets better and really paid attention to not overpaying for things we use and kept a better eye on our money but to be honest it most of it went to various things for other people e.g hosting a party for a family member or birthday presents etc we just bought out of love and appreciation for people and we lost our way but I have gotten a better grip on our finances and really evaluate every last cent. Being broke became a huge wake up call but in that I can’t help but blame my partner also.
His continually escalating addiction to marijuana has played a big role in our situation but he continues to deny it, I estimate he spends atleast $120 a week on it and to be honest I didn’t even realise how much we were spending, we sold a car and had about 3 grand at home and over time he just kept dipping into it saying “oh can I just take x amount just in case” when he was going somewhere, the last time I brought this up it was a fight that went on for atleast 3 months resulting in us splitting him moving out and he became seriously depressed it makes me sick to think about going through that ordeal again because it’s was honest to god the worst thing I’ve ever been through
Please help! I have no idea how to stop this cycle before we end up destitute again!

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Money

4 Replies

Anonymous

An addict will only stop when they are ready to stop!
If he isn’t ready to stop, the only thing you can do is quarantine finances so he can’t access them, but from my experience they just find a way to get money in other ways.
You should have stayed split until he was ready to get clean.

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Anonymous

Is he still depressed? Could be self medicating. Urge him to go on anti depressants if this is the case and chat to his Dr about marijuana use and depression. My other half smokes pot but it's a once a month thing sometimes months go by without him touching it. Just something he likes to do at the end of a hard job or busy time like the rest of us enjoy a beer. I'm not concerned with the way he smokes it and he has smoked it like this for 20 years, my ex however was addicted to it and would get really angry and explosive when he couldn't have it. He spent all our money on it and sold stuff. I think, or should say know, he was suffering from mental illness and used it to self medicate which is really not healthy. Try and get him to see a Dr, give him an ultimatum if you have to so he takes you seriously.

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Anonymous

I had a partner who was an pot Addict, but didn’t even acknowledge that he was addicted. Other than the fact I didn’t like it he was a for the most part a good dad, great partner and provider. I did however have a conversationwith him, not at him about I want better for our kids and would he be okay if they knew about his habit and told people. Impact on them etc. I also had a deal with myself that at 40 if he hadn’t grown up I would pack my stuff and leave, with 3 kids. Funny thing he quit a year ago, and whilst detox was brutal for him and me with his behaviour. I love the man he is now. Less intense more present and not wasting so much time or money. And he never knew about my plan. Maybe all my talk about hating it, and not travelling with him, and how our kids where important sink in I will never know. What I did realise was it was on him and he would keep doing it until he wanted to stop. Or I made the call to stop accepting it. Time to be honest with you and him. If you give an ultimatum stick to it or you will forever e a doormat to his behaviour. Good luck

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Anonymous

Been through this honestly counseling isn't going to work for drugs or anything else unless there is a reason for it my partner came from truma background and had it thrown at him since about 12 so he was the "bad one" counseling still didn't work because he was pushed into it late 20's and still daily but almost cut in half lately. But most people wouldn't tell just like a lot of people that "don't do it" (oh maybe just to sleep or maybe just for fun = most days) not gonna lie hard battle at times (defiantly if it's always been a thing), you just need to choose if it's worth it. Defiantly put savings in to a locked savings account or certain amount at a time for both of the spending.

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