When is it enough?
How many chances do you give a partner for an addiction (gambling - pokies)?
We've been married for just over 8 years, and we were supposed to go on a holiday for 4 days over Christmas. A week before the said holiday he went and gambled his pay (same day).
Now my issue is, he thinks it's all about the money. Mine is, he's not understanding that it's the principal of having so many, many chances, and still not learning there's an issue.
And yes, I've tried asking him to go to see a professional councillor. And he won't.
I've kicked him out, and yet there is still no apology. But responding with blackmail and manipulation. And wanting to come back.
So the question is, how many chances do you give someone?
Tia
7 Replies
You’ve given him too many chances. Enough is enough.
Far too many already. He just thinks he can get away with it now.
I’d give one good chance and if nothing changes, ship out
Probably only 1-2
Nope. No more chances. He put the activity above a planned family activity and now it's not happening. I'd be done.
He's an addict. Until he accepts and recognises it for himself NOTHING will change. No amount of chances will make any difference.
You can continue to love him without accepting his behaviour. Remove yourself and your children from his BEHAVIOUR'S influence. So no financial support, no manipulation, etc.
Get some counselling for yourself so you can manage your reactions to his addiction behaviour.
However, proven over and again, staying connected is the best way for addicts to overcome their addictions. So don't cut him as a person out. Continue to love, but him, not the behaviours.
This is really, really difficult to achieve (been there, there at the moment) and why counselling as an addict's family is so important.
Do some reading. This article is a good place to start https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/...
Good luck. You are on a bumpy journey. Hugs mumma
Only IF he gets professional help. Otherwise not a fucking chance
That would be me done. I would take action to separate. If afterwards he gets it together and sticks with it i might be open to giving it a chance, but no professional help for addiction, then no way. Protect yourself. Gambling a holiday's worth is out of control.