before reading on majority of what has been written here my mother always told me what happens in these four walls stay in these four walls then she wondered why I never spoke to anyone or only gave vague details. I incidentally became a bloody good at keeping things to myself. Surprisingly I am not a drinker or on drugs
No I am not seeking help I do not feel as though I need it I just need to write this down somewhere and keep going on with my life after reading this I know I will get a lot of comments like " You need to go see someone, get some help for yourself, you need this you need that" honestly I am just jumping in before anyone else and saying please do not bother I have sought counselling and therapy multiple times, although I have been diagnosed as depressed after my daughter was born I am honestly coping just fine I am strong not because I have to be
Hello ladies, so I have been thinking a lot about my life lately I am 30 years old and have been through some horrible crap all my life, never once spoke to anyone about it not my husband nor my mother siblings no one. people have told me all my life you never remember your child hood before you were 5 that any memory is just something that has been said in passing I honestly do not believe this.
When I was little, living on a farm with older siblings 3 of them found a book I was only 3/4 at the time this book should have not been in the house with children at all let alone sitting in the bookcase with the other books. It was a Kamasutra style with obviously explicit pictures, my siblings for god knows what reason got myself and another sibling to act out the parts in this book, now It is my understanding one of my uncles or a family friend was molesting at least one of those siblings around the same time.
flash forward a few years and my uncle has been jailed for molesting my brothers and others sweet justice, however my Dad died while this man was in jail I was 8 by this stage the uncle attended the funeral under police protection, at the time I had no idea why he had been sent to jail so was happy to see him.
About a year later my older sister started wanting to experiment no idea why I agreed but I did it went on for over a year. Shortly after this one of my brothers had started trying indecent acts in front of myself and my little sister, My little sister mentioned something to my mother at the time the boys were thrown into counselling I was offered some but did not find it helped at all.
When I was 13/14 one of my other brothers had a big tin of Milo he had purchased I happened to have been walking passed him while he was gulping it down with no milk and a big spoon he asked me if I wanted the rest of the tin I thought nothing of it then he said "You have to do something for me first" and started thrusting his hips I declined and left the room in disgust.
I was 17 when I had my daughter and only one of my brothers had shown progress in counselling taking on board everything he had learned especially since he became a dad himself shortly after I became a mum I kept my children away as much as possible from the brother who didn't show much progress at all ( Milo tin brother) he upped and moved states when he was 18. when he would come to visit everyone I tried my best to never be alone with him nor leave my children with him flash forward I was then in my 20's and he was buying Pandora jewellery for my daughter asking to take her out to movies, spoiling her with chocolate. I kept insisting to my mother to tell him to stop but she brushed it off she should have known these were all signs of grooming but since he had been involved in an accident around the age of 15 and had brain injuries she fobbed it off as he just is not all there in the head.
I was right to be concerned as my kids grew up a few years ago he had taken the grooming to the next level, my children are all now receiving help for their anxieties and any questions they may have.
I can not go into more detail about my brother with the Milo tin just yet but after Christmas I probably will. however I will say this I have no support anymore not from my mother my aunts or uncles I have been told my "family" has been spreading lies about me and how I have put in false accusations, I have spoken about my daughters trauma with some friends but not even they know about everything I had been through as a child they know my dad died while I was young and that is all.
So this is part of my story. Honestly I am okay I have not been suicidal and my kids keep me going hoping beyond hope they never go through more than they have to in a normal life, advocating for them at every turn even if it means the few people I put my trust in broke it and I have no one to talk to other than my husband even he has no idea about my childhood though. Sometimes I do miss my mother but knowing she is supporting my brother and not my child (even went as far to say my daughter made it all up, until police knocked on her door) I can not forgive her.
Merry Christmas everyone