I have been married for 15yrs abd fir those 15yrs it has been toxic marriage. My husband was controling especially with money, never helped with kids, or housework. All our problems were my fault because I suffered from anxiety and if I just let him go fishing whenever he wanted and didn't rely on him then our marriage would be good. Sex was a chore that I wasn't allowed to say no to or he would throw a tantrum. I constantly asked for us to go to counseling and he refused saying it was all to much work. His solution was an open marriage which upset me very much but he always gets his way. Obviously this did not help but made things worse as he saw me as a slut and whore.
I did as he asked and became independent and he goes away whenever he likes for how long he likes but I have also grown up and realised I have put up with his crap long enough and left last year. This is when he realised what he had and wanted to fix things. I came back because of the kids but I have so much anger towards him fir treating me so badly. He says he didn't know better and was lazy. Now he wants this great marriage and I just don't care anymore. I have no interest to fix it just want to live in peace , look after my kids and build my business.
I am now the bad one because our marriage is not how he wants. What now?
9 Replies
I honestly feel there is no going back! Once women leave it’s often after years of conscious thought and at the point that your over it! Don’t feel guilty! He can’t click his fingers and say I’ll do better and you jump at it! After the years you asked him! Enjoy your independence- even if that means your the bad guy! Your family and friends will know the truth! Good luck!
Nope. If youre not going to fix It, leave. Be the bad one. Someone has to. It really doesn't matter. If youre not trying, you need to go. For everybody's health mostly your children.
If youre staying, motivate yourself and get your head in the game because you have to be present and try or it definitely won't work.
She’s not the bad guy. She left an abusive relationship, he’s doing what abusers do, trying to reel her back in
Why would you go back if your heart isn’t in it?
That’s not good for the kids, that’s showing them that it’s normal for people to brush their own feelings aside just so they can live in “peace”.
Do the right thing for yourself and your children, and leave for good. He had his chance and he stuffed it up, not just once, but for many many years. Too late!
Leave! And dont look back!
You dont owe him anything and its time for you to enjoy YOUR life...go and live it the way you want!
Tell him to hit the road!
If he wanted a great marriage, he shouldn't have been an abusive arsehole to his wife in the first place!
Don't feel guilty, he had 15 years to treat you better and it is now too little too late, move on seek your happiness and never look back - kids will be fine with support and love and a happy mum!!!!
I could of written this myself. Your marriage sounds exactly like mine. I finally left for good 2 years ago only after leaving for a few months and only then him begging me to try again and seek counseling but nothing was changing. It was all still my fault no matter what and I lost everything for him and was tired of trying. I gave up, once I did That was it for me. He didn’t believe I would leave. I most definitely did leave and it hasn’t been easy, it’s been a rough time with highs and plenty of lows but now, today, I can say 100% it’s the best thing I ever did for myself and my kids. I’m extremely happy in a new relationship now which is completely different to what I had. That’s also been a learning curve but I couldn’t be happier at this moment in life. You need to be happy and do what you feel is best for you and your kids.
It’s over. Move on. Be happy. Your kids will thank you for it!