What if you’re doing this to please your husband and you’re not really into the whole swinging thing, is it wrong? My husband keeps talking about his fantasies and pornography he watches and listens. But when I hear it I get upset or jealous about it. Then I start thinking I’m not good enough or our sex will never be good enough. At times I cry about it but I’m really good at Hiding my feelings and I tell him IM fine but in all honesty I’m not. Then I start thinking maybe I should just do it so he can shut up about it and he doesn’t have to bring it so much.
13 Replies
Stop hiding ur feelings u need to tell him! Don't do something u don't want too!
Oh hell no. He's waaaaay out of line. Perhaps he should read his marriage vows again? Do not do this just to please him. Your marriage will fail and you will feel self loathing and abused.
No, you need to speak up.
It's not your job to put aside your very valid feelings just to satisfy your husband's sexual fantasies.
Speaking from experience, doing it to please him could destroy your marriage. You need to talk to him and set some hard boundaries. The key to anything in a sexual relationship is consent, and nobody gets hurt. If you’re giving consent but it’s because you’re pressured into it, or it’s ripping you apart emotionally then it’s completely counterproductive to the reasons you’re doing it. Resentment creeps in and the relationship falls apart. Communication is so important and you should be able to talk to him about how you’re feeling. Fantasy can be great for bringing excitement into a relationship but sometimes it has to stay as fantasy. Watching pornography together can sometimes give an insight into why he does it. At the risk of over-generalising and stereotyping, men are very visually oriented, but it can be something you can both enjoy together. My partner and I do sometimes and I don’t take it personally that he likes porn.
Please speak up for yourself. You should not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
From my experience with a previous partners fantasy, doing it once will only make him increase the pressure more because he will want you to do it all the time.
Compromising your values to please him is very wrong for you. Sounds like you have low self esteem to feel like you need to ignore your own values to make him happy.
Wondering what hes like that he's ignoring your values (youre not hiding it love, if he loves you he knows you) yet hes repeatedly bringing this up and ignoring no or implied no until he wears you down enough and he hears yes. That's manipulation and coercion, its not love and respect.
Yes that’s exactly what he does. He tells me I’m not pressuring you into something I don’t want to do but yet I’ll hear him bringing it up once a month or so. I told him if I want to do it, I’ll do it bc it’s in my terms not his. I’m so over it. There’s times I dot. Even want to have sex with him bc I feel like he won’t be happy with what he have. He also tells me he wants to “role play” but I don’t know how. What am I doing wrong? We have kids together. Day by day I’m losing interest in him bc I feel hat he’ll only be happy if I agree to what he wants.
Tell him it's not happening and he needs to suck it up and get over it.
Pornography sets unrealistic expectations.... as helpful as it is at times, unfortunately it lets ppl get carried away with how they think things will go down. Doesn’t always go that way unfortunately. You should never do something so big just to please someone else.
Its way out of line. But you need to speak up! Its not your job to please your husband. Who cares about his fantasy. It makes you uncomfortable so he needs to find a new one! Id set him straight about your feelings.
Nope nope nope!!
Anything you do in a relationship, especially sexually, needs to be okay with both partners. You do NOT have to compromise your own comfort, emotions and values to satisfy someone else.
What you do need to do is communicate. Tell hubby how this makes you feel, including that it makes you feel like you and your relationship are not enough for him. If he truly loves you and cares about how you feel he will be mortified that he's made you feel like this. If he pouts, whinges or makes you feel stupid about it then you have some thinking to do.
A good sexual partner will care about your feelings as well as their own.
So I have some thinking to do it looks like. I’m usually pretty good at speaking up but this time I can’t get through to him. I feel like what we do is not enough and keeps asking for more. He constantly ask me I should role play with him to spice things up but the problem is I don’t know how either. Is there something wrong with me or am I boring in bed? Idk what to do. It’s been over a week that we haven’t had sex bc of that and I’m not as excited as I used to since he’s been bringing it up. It just makes me not want to do anything. On top of that, I was laid off last year and we have a 2 year old and I’m trying to find a job now but I’m not getting any luck and then this issues. I just don’t know what to do on my end anymore.im just so frustrated, angry and depressed. Sorry for the long post.
Role playing is easy! You can role play a doctor and horny patient, he can be the pizza man while you have no money, he could be a police officer and you're trying to get out of a ticket just as a few examples. If it's just a case of you don't know how, give it a go! It can actually be really fun :) however if anything makes you uncomfortable then you absolutely don't have to do it (more referring to swinging as not many would be comfortable with that)