How do you leave a controlling marriage when you feel so small?
Emotional and financial abuse and restriction.
Need to stay in the capital city due to medical needs. Worried about rent and power and food and phone and gas.
No savings. Currently rent. Due to school need to stay in this area. But it seems impossible.
I want out. But it seems too hard. But living like this is too had.
2 Replies
You don't mention the city so I'll stay ambiguous. Your needs can't be met in a cheaper regional city? Say you lived in Brisbane, there's Ipswich or Toowoomba, or further up the coast places like Gympie or Bundy, all are cheaper to live in than Brisbane.
The school is not a be all and end all. Defence force kids move all the time, you're only looking at one move so they will settle elsewhere.
The actual how? You do it with help is how you do it. When you don't feel strong you need someone in your corner reminding you what you're working towards here or it's too easy to relapse into the comfort of at least knowing what to expect. Whether for that's friends, family or an organisation that provides this service (or better yet all 3), you do need it. Good luck.
It's hard. I stayed for similar reasons although I have more control, still a crap marriage. Medical, can't afford to stay in school area, no money, 3rd trimester of pregnancy and a kid with additional needs. It's really important to me that my child stays in that school as it excels at meeting additional needs and child is now thriving. Haven't worked in years and won't be able to for probably a couple more.
What I've been doing is 1. Opened a seperate (secret) bank account in my name. (If you can deposit any money/spare change into the account. Even if it's only $1 or $2 at a time or handful of silver coins. 2. Slowly changing all utilities/bills ect into his name. (If you can) so that I have no obligation when either of us decide to walk. 3. Exploring options, you can apply for separated under one roof, if you make an appointment with a social worker and explain the situation they may be able to help out. Use the online estimators to see what you are entitled to and plan a budget. 4. Keep an eye on the rental market and other housing options.
Remember you don't always have to up and leave. It's perfectly ok to take your time and plan. As long as you and your children aren't in danger.