Other woman is pregnant

Anonymous

Other woman is pregnant

My husband slept with someone during a short separation.
She's turned up pregnant.
He is adamant it isn't his, he says he wore a condom and apparently she is quite into a few men however this isn't the point.
She wants nothing from him, no child support no father anything.
He doesn't want anything to do with the child either and is happy to walk away as he's sure it's not his.
He now wants to move our family away from where will live because if this and unless we do he is happy to end our 24 year marriage.
I am standing strong, we will not move due to his bad choices.
Our eldest has just started university here
Am I wrong, should I be willing to make things work

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

13 Replies

Anonymous

He is being very selfish. If he is adamant the child isn't his, why do you have to move?
He did the wrong thing, and i commend you for staying with him, however, he doesn't get to rule the roost after what he has done.
Stand your ground Mumma.
Good luck X

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Anonymous

Firstly do you really want to live with a guy who could abandon a child that is potentially his?
I mean let's face it, he doesn't really know the child isn't his, he is just denigrating this woman calling her a whore and trying to distance himself because it's inconvenient now.

Personally I couldn't be with a man who would do that. He made a mistake, the child deserves to know who his/her father is, so if I was him I wouldn't be abandoning that child until I was cleared by paternity test. And of course he now wants to Run away so he doesn't face any consequences.

No I would not be moving with him at all. Screw him.

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Anonymous

No you are definitely not wrong. He is happy to break up your marriage if you don't move away??? That is bizarre!
Just gently I would be concerned about the potential use of no protection...

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Anonymous

Edited , he claims he wore a condom

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Anonymous

No way would I uproot my children for a selfish unstable man child.
If this man truly wanted his family he would do anything to create stability for you and your children.

I'll be honest, you can recover from this, but it will take a lot of work on his part to prove he is capable of being a true husband and father again.

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Anonymous

Its so messy, but no, dont move for a marriage that he could already chuck away. Hes selfish and sounding really not like that great a guy. i understand that its not comfortable, but look at how deviantly hes handling everyone to take care of himself.

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Anonymous

My partner wore a condom and I was on the pill, yet here we are with the crotchfruit of our union. Your husbands trust in the effectiveness of latex is flawed, sure it's better than nothing when used correctly but nothing is 100%.

I don't think you're wrong, even now after all this time you're willing to keep trying to salvage this marriage despite his appalling choices and he, well he'll throw it away if you won't move so he doesn't have to face his own shameful behaviour? It doesn't sound like he's invested in the marriage at all, you deserve better. Instead of his ultimatum to move away, throw another back at him. Not only are you not moving but he's going to attend, participate in and commit to marriage counselling - see how committed he really is to making it work!

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Anonymous

Thank you for adding "crotchfruit of our union" to my vocabulary.

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Anonymous

No way would I move! He wants to uproot your whole family because he wants to run away from the situation he created by making a poor choice.

He's so adamant the baby isn't his, it sounds like he's trying really hard to convince himself that's the case. He had sex with this woman, whether he likes it or not - this baby could be his. If he's willing to completely walk away from his responsibilities (to you and your kids and to his possible new child) let him go!

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Anonymous

This is a man who had an affair, and is willing to throw away a 24 year marriage if you don't move.
I wouldn't trust him for a second when he says he used a condom.
If he was so sure this baby wasn't his, why is he so eager to run?
You must be a strong woman to be willing to work on your situation, but you aren't the one who needs to be willing to compromise.
If you were the one who cheated, and he was asking you to move and you were saying no; I would call you unreasonable.
You aren't the one who ruined a 24 year marriage. That's him. You shouldn't be made to uproot your life because of his mistakes.

If I was in your situation, I would ask yourself a few questions.
Why is he suddenly slandering this woman that he obviously cared enough about to risk a marriage for?
Are you certain that there isn't or won't be other women?
Can you trust him now that he says that its over?
Why does he want to run so badly? Is it because he doesn't want to be reminded of his mistake, tempted again, or because he thinks the baby is his?
Condoms break, but can you even trust that he used one? Please get an STI test just to be safe.
And the main question you need to ask - is it worth it? Is HE worth it?

If you do decide to stay with him, whether you move or not, I would insist on a DNA test. Just for peace of mind, either outcome.

Good luck... and don't lose yourself because of his screw up.

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Anonymous

Keep standing strong do not move. You and your kids shouldnt have to pay for his mistakes by turning your lives upside (even more).

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Anonymous

I'm sorry, did I read that correctly?
He'd divorce you if you don't move, because HE possibly got someone else pregnant, and wants nothing to do with it ?
Cut your losses, let him go.
For a man to even give such an ultimatum is a massive red flag.
He obviously doesn't love you if he could drop you after 24 years.

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Anonymous

He sounds like a right catch... Not!

You might need to let him go. Yes technically you were seperated but that doesn't change anything in my book. And he fucked someone who has multiple partners, or so he says, and he wore a condom, or so he says and then he expects you and your kids to just follow him so he doesn't have to face up to the mess he made???

There was a reason you seperated in the first place, I can't see this is helping the original problem much...

Move on with your life. This shit isn't good for anyone. Show your kids what self respect looks like

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