im the worst type of mother there is.
Today I lost it, I lost it with my 2 year old son, he had been particularly trying all day more than usual, screaming, throwing things, biting his baby brother, destroying the house/toys/furniture anything he could get his hands on, the tantrums were too much, nothing I did or said could make him happy, he wanted to play out side so I let him outside he then screams at me that he doesn't want to be outside, he wanted a sandwich for lunch so I made him a sandwich and he screamed at me that he didn't want a sandwich anymore, I had to go get a few things from the supermarket and he was an absolute arsehole - I'm sorry if that offends anyone but there is no other word to describe him during that time, he ran away (I also have a 5 year old and 5 month old) he threw things off the shelf, he refused to walk and would stand in every isle just testing me, he had a tantrum and a screaming fit because I wouldn't buy him lollies/a bottle of bloody starwars shampoo/a packet of pasta/5 boxes of teabags ...
Come teatime - which doubles up as witching hour for my baby, he was going at full force, he kicked the baby in his chest, he refused to eat his meal, he went into the bathroom and pulled off a whole roll of toilet paper then proceeded to litter it all over the house, he screamed and threw tantrums some more, all the while I'm trying to feed/settle the baby, do the dishes, etc etc, and I lost it, I had felt my blood begin to boil for a while no amount of deep breathing, walking away or counting could calm me and I smacked him hard, really hard on his leg 3 times and threw him into his bed, I was furious! And even after the fact I still wanted to hurt him some more just to shut him up. I know how awful this sounds I really do but I couldn't control myself in the moment, then after all is said and done I went into check on him after he went to bed and I just broke down beside his beautiful peaceful sleeping body, how could I do and think those things, what sort of mother does that? I just want to run away and leave them to their father who is the most wonderful patient man with them, but works hard for us so I have them mostly alone 24/7. I feel so incredibly guilty yet at the time it almost gave me some pleasure or some sort of release to know that he was now feeling a little of the pain that I've been feeling all day. The thing is this isn't just a one off, this is him daily, constant but I just couldn't deal today I cracked. And now I know that I'll never forgive myself and he will probably hate me forever. I'm the worst type of human, how do I even call myself a mum. I'm scared this isn't going to be a 1 off, my dad used to beat us black and blue as children, I guess the Apple didn't fall far from the tree, I'm my fathers daughter.
Please help me, tear me down, throw at me the abuse I know I deserve but please tell me what I can do to make sure this doesn't ever happen again and to ensure that my children won't have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhoods like I have too.
Worst mother alive
Worst mother alive
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
18 Replies
Your not a bad mum. He got you to the point you cracked and no matter how much parents swear black and blue id never do it we have all been in your shoes one time or another. And lets face it our little cherrubs turn two grow horns over night. My son is also two and extremly full on. To the point he now goes to day care two days a week just for our sanity. Its just a very busy child and loves to be occupied all the time. Which sometimes i just cant do. So he goes to day care two days a week to learn and interact with other kids his age and honestly our relationship is better for it. Perhaps if your partner works long hours and you have no help consider day care for your own sanity. Dont beat your self up about what happened today.
I have never snappsd and smacked my kids let alone hit them hard repeatedly and felt good about it. No im not perfect but its not correct that this is normal and we all do this.
You need a break! When was the last time you had you time? When was the last time you had time to exercise or a sleep in or coffee with friends with out kids in tow?
I'm not excusing your behaviour but there are loads of things you can do to make sure it doesn't happen again. Nobody is perfect what makes a good mother is pulling in the resources, the help to make sure the pressure cooker doesn't explode.
It sounds like your sons behaviour might be a little on the extreme side even for the terrible twos? How is he compared to what your 5 year old was at that age. Is it time for a chat to a peadiatrician? It certainly wouldn't hurt.
Are you using day care? Nobody should be alone with kids 24/7! It's not healthy for anyone. Everyone needs a break. Have a look at what's available in your area. Occassional care, daycare etc save your sanity and reduce the pressure
Get yoursel to a gp and get a me tal health plan. Youve deecribed a thought pattern that justifiea and satisfies you when you do this so it seems to me its your go to response and you can ghange that and your baby deserves for you to try. Before it happens gain, gets more frequent, more severe. Do the work to not be your dad. And get some skills cfor managing his behaviour,;tricks like modeling quiet voice as a quiet game instead of telling him be quiet
Seriously? She reached her limit so she needs mental help? All day putting up with naughty kids will get to anyone.
I came here to basically say what the comment above me said.
You need to take some serious steps to prevent this from happening again, and a psychogist is a good first step.
Toddlers are assholes. There's even a book about it!
Everyone has their breaking point, too, and toddlers are amazing and getting people to reach that point.
The problem isn't the fact that you reached breaking point, it's what you did when you got there.
Book your child in to see a pediatrician. They can tell you if the behavior is normal or something else. They can also give you tips to cope with the behaviour, or information on parenting courses.
A psychologist can help you address the issues you have surrounding your father and help teach you coping techniques.
Try your best not to react when he's being naughty, too. I know its easier said than done, but a negative reaction is still a reaction and toddlers thrive on attention.
If he's being naughty, remove him from the situation. Put him in his bedroom or a safe area for a "time out" until you've calmed down enough to address the issue and talk calmly to him.
In my experience, being quite and calm works better than yelling anyways.
PPP parenting program chick. It's literally a life saver.
If things get too much and you feel like hitting him walk away and get dad to help settle him instead. Just don't put yourself in that situation where you feel like hurting him. That might seem easy enough said but you really gotta call for help when you need it. My son had a tantrum down the road when he was a toddler. Was refusing to go in his pram or walk. Legit called my sis to shove her shoes on and run down to help. The two of us worked together to get him in the pram pretty easy then and he calmed down. Sometimes parenting requires help from a second person. He's now 5 and had a tantrum leaving a play cafe. Lovely safe member ran up and distracted him with a balloon. He was tiered and stressed from being teasted by older children. Even 5 year olds have their days but remember a child has a reason for their behaviour at these ages. A child doesn't act up to hurt you even if it seems like it. Try to come down to his level and think about why he acts like he does. For a 2 year old usually it's just terrible two's. All the changes in their bodies. They loose control literally
the father works so he isn't home.
You aren't a bad mum, you had a bad day.
The spanking is not optimal, an perhaps you would like to see a councellor or take a parenting course for your own peace of mind, as I can see you have some personal issues with your own childhood.
Your son will not hate you forever. Most people have no memories of their childhood before age 4. Find a moment in the morning and take the time to apologize to your boy, let him know you feel horrible about what happened and that you won't let it happen again.
Parenting is a tough gig! Be gentle on yourself, but also get yourself the tools you need to be the best you can be.
Hope you have some better days since then. Three little ones is such a tough gig! You sure do need a bit of a break for yourself. Hope there is someone that can give you an hour or twos break every now and then, just for your own sanities sake. Hang in there mumma xx
All you need is love. Show him love, give him love. Cuddles and hugs. He is missing attention, and he is doing anything to get it.
What an atrocious disgusting brat you have, & you are afraid to discipline him & beat yourself up with ridiculous guilt trips of being an 'abuser ' because you smacked him after so much?! Wow that's screwed, you waited Waayy too long to pull him into line, you are allowing & creating the monster that you dread! He's not gonna love you more for it, when he's older & has no respect or self-control anyway. Ok kids don't come with a manual, but Seriously, there are heaps of parenting books free at your local library, go educate yourself! If your husband won't come to the party with being at home more to be a dad & involved more, & you have to live like a single mum, then take authority to yourself & take charge of your kids, your days, your life! Stop shaming yourself for being a 'bad mum for smacking', but geez start being a responsible adult parent!! Set boundaries, Consequences for such bad behaviour, a 'deaf ear' to anything other than nice voice & nice manners, & just zero tolerance for HIS abuse to you! Do you actually want to be unacceptably & continually treated like this from your little boy, & for him to go on & treat others the same?! YOU brought him into the world, You have also had a 3rd kid now even tho you & hubby have not organised your parenting teamwork, YOU need to control & train this boy to not be such a monster to you his Mother & to the public, or stop whinging if you're not going to step up & take action & bring him up properly. I have 3 children, eldest is a teen so there are challenges there lol, they are certainly not perfect nor am I but never had such issues as what you've described, also have been single mum for a 2-3yr period when my hubby & I separated, so I know both sides of the coin. But never got or put up with such terrible uncontrolled behaviour or tantrums etc, cos it just is not allowed & my kids know/knew that. Sheesh, no wonder society has such problems with delinquents etc if there are parents out there who are so weak & think they are 'loving' by just giving in to the self-centredness & tempers of their kids!
my little girl went through a stage like this recently, it was so bad I felt like I couldn't leave the house because her behaviour was so terrible. I admit that although I didn't feel the release, she did push me to the point where I smacked her a few times, but it was pointless and didn't change her behaviour! I sat down and really thought about when it started and realised it started when my oldest was on school (kinder) holidays, so she wasn't getting the time with me (and 6 month old) which was resulting in awful behaviour. I changed yelling for cuddles and kindness and it was like magic for her, and had comments from so many around us about a change in her behaviour and what a joy she had become. It's a tough gig having three and so easy to lose your cool, but children need their parents to always be building them up not tearing them down. Might seem a bit corny but whenever I feel like a shitty mother I browse through the parenting section of Pinterest, there's always some beautiful words to help change your mindset and for me It helps me be a better mother
You aren't a be mum. You had bad day. Everyone has a bad day. If your not coping get help. Go to your gp take her son and say I'm not coping and this keep needs help to and explain how you feel and what he's like.
I'm a mum and a grand mum. You are not the worlds worst mum, you are a mum that is at the end of her rope. You have a baby that most likely is not sleep through yet, so your tired, but let me tell you also, you are a very honest mum, not many people would write a post with such honesty.
You need a break, do you have any family near by that can give you a hand, either in the home, eg: helping with a load of washing, running the vac over the floors for you, or minding your toddler while you do the shopping without the stress of his tantrums.
Without knowing you or your toddler, sounds like he is not accepting the change a new baby has caused.
I think a talk with your GP could be of some help, maybe you need to get him into day care a couple of days a week so you can have some respite, GP's can help with that.
You are a good mum, you just need a little bit of support at this time.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sending you a big hug.
I don't know were you live, but I wish it was near so I could give you some support at this time, we mum's must look after each other. xx
Thank you for your kind supportive words, your also spot on with the baby not sleeping, he is yet to sleep through his first night and is still waking every 60-90 mins throughout the night.
Although exhausted I can't use that as an excuse for losing control with my child, I will visit the GP and ask for help as advised and hopfully we can put in steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again, a smack now and then does wonders however this was more than that and I'm frightened of it possibly happening again, I desperately just want to be a good mum to my children.
"What sort of mothers does that" you ask? a damn tired one! And you know what? Toddlers really can be arseholes! At times they test your patience to the absolute limit and it takes a very together person to be able to handle that and sometimes we just don't have it all together. This does not sound like a daily occurrence for you and you are conscious of the fact that you don't want to end up like your father. I think you have the ability to put the strategies in place to stop that from happening. You sound like a really great mum who just lost it for a moment, we all do that! I applaud you for your hard work as a busy mum. Just keep the dialogue open with your hubby and friends and family for support and look after your own wellbeing first.