Blog Posts

My heart skipped a beat. My throat contracted. The fluid left my mouth, and all I could taste was metal. Why? – I hear you say. I realised it was nearing the end of July, we were heading into August. August brings with it a lot of pain. – For me. It’s a month I would rather skip. That way I don’t have to feel the pain. The pain knowing that I will never celebrate your birthday with you . Knowing...
The image above is quite a confronting image for me as it looks exactly like my son’s feet. This is not a photo of him, I have lots of photo’s, I do wish I had one like this though. Don’t say NOTHING - Please don’t pretend it has happened and say nothing.. Just say - ”I’m sorry for your loss” or ”I’m here if you” Don’t say - ”It’s better that way” or “It’s natures way” or refer to the baby as an...
From the moment our kids were born we have spoken about their big brother in heaven. It was very important to my husband and I that Titan’s memory lived on and that Maya and Tex knew as much as they possibly could about their big brother. At various ages we covered his death and funeral and tried the best we could to answer question they may have. We were driving along the other day and Maya...
My legs are walking, my lipstick is on, things are whirling by, the phone is ringing, I am driving, and I feel you coming... I feel you whirling up from deep inside... I want to stop you. I can’t bear to have you bubble up… I can barely breathe…My jaw is sore from being clenched from trying to keep you inside.... ” Grief, I can’t handle you anymore... tomorrow it will have been 7 years” Can I...
Coming home after Titan’s funeral to an empty house, an empty heart and empty arms was one of the worst days of my life. “How will I live my life without my baby?” I would often stand in his nursery and just stare at the empty cot and imagine him lying there. He was meant to be in my arms. I was meant to be cradling him. Yet he was somewhere else and I didn’t know where. I remember comments like...
The kind man then took us into a room filled with coffins. A gasp escaped from my mouth… That’s when I thought “Oh my God, this is real.” It was a sight I hope to never see again. What do you say at that moment? My husband broke the silence with the words, “I will make Titan’s coffin.” And he did. He spent two days making this beautiful coffin. I think it’s what saved him, it was his craft, he...
All I ever wanted was to be a Mum. The day I took the pregnancy test and it came back positive was the best day of my life. I was so happy, I was going to have this baby I had dreamed of for so long… I was just ecstatic! The pregnancy started out normally - I was very sick and tired (what's to be expected) - until the terrible day in week 6 when I started to bleed. However, the pregnancy...