When there is nothing you can do

My friend has lost her husband, suddenly, unexpectedly.  They were moving back home (Cairns) to be with his Mother as she was not coping with the death of her husband just 6 weeks before. They wanted to be here to support her and be there for her.  They spent their last night together at their going away party laughing and having fun. The next morning she tried to wake him and he never woke.. That was it, so final and so so sad.

They were soul mates. You know those couples that don’t need to talk they just look at each other and know what the other is thinking.  Yep that was them.  So completely and utterly in love!

Monday morning was when I heard the awful news… All I could say was what??? what?? what?? what??  Everything started to go slow and all I could do was walk around in circles.  I tried to call her straight away.  What was I thinking?? I just wanted to fix it for her make it go away… But there was nothing absolutely nothing I could do.  All I could see in my mind was her crunched up in a corner somewhere and I couldn’t do anything.

You just never know what tomorrow will bring you just never know when your time is up.. We tend to waste way to much time thinking and worrying about such insignificant things.

As I said in post on facebook yesterday

Life can be overwhelming at times.  It can feel like we are running a never ending race. Our world has gotten so so fast we are all struggling to keep up. Then something happens,  you lose someone or are faced with the prospect of it.  Then everything changes all of your markers are moved.  Take the time to tell your loved ones that you love them. Take the time to push your kids on the swing. Take the time to listen to that little story they want to tell you.  Just take the time.

For her I ask that you hug your husbands and kids that bit tighter.  That is her wish.

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Loss & Grief

21 Replies


so so sad. My thoughts are with your friend. xx

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Nina X

Sad Mum

Sending hugs your way. This is so sad. A wife has lost her best friend and husband. A mother has lost her son (6 weeks after her husband). And I'm sure many people have lost a wonderful friend. Take care. xo

The Imperfect Mum

Thank YOU XX Yes it is so so sad for all concerned! X

Kirri White

Oh Kristy...I had a similar thing happen last year. It's shocking and bewildering...No words other than I'm sorry and I will most definitely hold my loved ones a little closer today. Thinking of you x x

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Kirri - I really appreciate you texting and being there XX


Life can be so incredibly cruel at times. We should never take anything for granted. Thinking of you, your friend and her family.....x

The Imperfect Mum

So true Jodie - so so true!! we just never know..

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

I'm very sorry for your friend and I understand your struggle as a loving friend. You're being there for her is as much as anyone can do xo

The Imperfect Mum

XX Bree - thanks so much XX


Im sorry for your friends loss and for you as well. Its hard when you know there is nothing you can do. Just be there and have your ear there to listen. Sometimes the simple thing of listening is what is needed most. Very sad time for you all.

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Bec XXX

Jodi Gibson

That is just awful. My thoughts are with her and her family, and for you being there for her. So sad.

Debbie @ Aspiring Mum

It's times like this that we realise just how much we can take for granted. Life is just too precious and too short, and we never know what's going to happen next. As a friend, it's hard to stand by and feel absolutely helpless, but just by being there will mean the world to your friend. Thinking of you all.


OMG Kristy, that is so sad. Brooke is the girl that worked for Harleys when i was up last wasn't she? She may not remember me, but pass on my condolences. That is so sad and especially so close to Christmas. Your words were beautiful as usual, it really does get you thinking doesn't it. You just never know when your last kiss will be or your last words to someone. I guess we often take life for granted sometimes. xxxx Love to you all xx :'(


devastating. there just isn't words.
saying a little prayer for you all tonight, while I hug my loved ones a little tighter in his memory.
Good luck for the tough days ahead for you all. xx

[email protected] LIfe Love and Hiccups

Oh hun - that is just so tragic, and it must have been such a shock for you let alone your poor friend. I just told my hubby I love him - not cause I don't tell him often - I just don't think you can ever tell them enough.
Sending you lots of love and love for your your friend. xxx


I am so shocked and in tears, that is so incredibly horrible Kristy, thinking of precious B and sending so much love from a heavy heart.


I agree with Bec, when you lose someone so close and so suddenly, you know there's nothing anyone can do but just be there. And really, that's what you need, just to know that whenever you are ready, they are there.

Cheryl Forster

My heart is so heavy after reading this sad sad post. I cannot even imagine the heartache of losing your soul mate. Sending lots of love, light and strength to your friend. xx


That's what happened to my husband nearly 4 months ago at the age of 38. He went to bed and never woke up. It is horrific, I still feel like I'm trapped in some nightmare.